{"id":43346,"date":"2020-11-21T20:24:44","date_gmt":"2020-11-22T00:24:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43346"},"modified":"2020-11-21T20:42:50","modified_gmt":"2020-11-22T00:42:50","slug":"limerick-off-award-457","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/11\/21\/limerick-off-award-457\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (457)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

This may not be a subject for jokes,
\nBut I’m one of a whole bunch of folks
\nWho’d be pleased if a spell
\nTurned the Leader from Hell
\nTo a frog… and won’t mind if he croaks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins the Special CONFESSION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cAs I watched Mrs. Smithers undress,
\nI confess, I was under duress.
\nWere it not for the ropes
\nThat now shackled my hopes,
\nI would leap to her side and transgress.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to RICHARD CAMPBELL,<\/a> who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

Hi, I\u2019m Rick; I\u2019m a lim’rickaholic.
\nThrough these fun little verses I frolic,
\nNeglecting my wife
\nAnd all else in my life.
\n(These poems are so damn diabolic!)<\/p>\n

As I lie awake nights, I confesses
\nI am not counting sheep, only stresses.
\nIs that line \u201cda da DUM?\u201d
\nWill the rhyme to me come?
\nAll my lims seem meandering messes.<\/p>\n

Is there help somewhere, \u2019fore I just drop?
\nI feel like my brain\u2019s gonna pop.
\nSo I must get away,
\nAt least for one day.
\n(What the heck. Just one more. Then I\u2019ll stop!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Paul Haebig, Doug Harris, Jean McEwen, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Sharon Neeman, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Paul Haebig: <\/p>\n

I call, um, the powers of hell…
\nI can never remember this spell!
\nTo mix up the potion,
\nWhich way is the motion?
\nAnd how many tolls of the bell?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris: <\/p>\n

Old Merlin ain\u2019t feeling too well:
\n\u201cThis brewing of leeches is hell.
\nDismembering toads
\nIs disturbing me loads.
\nI think I\u2019ll lie down for a spell …\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

One word I routinely misspell
\nIs the proper noun \u201cMadduhmoyzell.\u201d
\nNative French speakers hiss
\nAt my substitute (\u201cMiss\u201d)–
\nBut it covers my deficit well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

In wizard school I have done well.
\nI\u2019m super at casting a spell.
\nThough she barks like a dog,
\nAnd he croaks like a frog,
\nMy Bubbie and Zadie still kvell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

Some foreigners try hard to spell.
\nYet with plurals they\u2019ll never excel.
\nIf \u201cmouses\u201d are mice,
\nBut \u201chouses\u201d ain\u2019t \u201chice,\u201d
\nWhat\u2019s the diff’rence, and how can they tell?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

They\u2019re too much for mere mortals to handle \u2014
\nCeaseless lies and continuous scandal.
\nSo for Joe to dispel
\nAll these demons from Hell,
\nHe\u2019ll be needing a bell, book and candle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

my teechers complaned I cant spell
\npunktuashun is louzy as well
\nstill evrywun sez
\ni desserve to be prez
\nbut joe byden has cheeted like hell<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Said the raconteur: \u201cCome, set a spell.
\nHere\u2019s a story I\u2019ve wanted to tell:
\nThis young gal \u2014 such a dream! \u2014
\nSlipped and fell in a stream.
\nSo I spent the day wringing that belle.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder: <\/p>\n

I remember my skool days so well,
\nWhen lunch was anounced by a bell.
\nWe\u2019d sit in a grupe
\nSharing alphabet supe.
\nAnd that\u2019s where I lerned how to spel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CONFESSION LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

O Father, my life\u2019s not fulfilling.
\nI obsess about things that are chilling.
\nI confess that I drink;
\nI can\u2019t stop, cuz I think
\nThat I just may replace it with killing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Priests must sublimate all their aggressions
\nAnd give up almost all their possessions.
\nBut their job has one perk:
\nIn the booth, they can jerk
\nOff discreetly to kinky confessions.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Someone here’s made an absolute mess!
\nAte my sandwich, threw up on my dress,
\nTracked in mud on my bed…
\nT.S. Eliot said,
\n“The cat knows, but will never confess.”\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Confession has sacred appeal.
\nYou avow what you’ve tried to conceal.
\nIt cleanses the soul.
\nOnce again, you feel whole.
\nThen continue to lie, cheat and steal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

The Bishop said: \u201cHear my confession …\u201d
\nThe priest wore a puzzled expression.
\n\u201cBut why come to me?\u201d
\nSaid the Bish, \u201cWell, you see,
\nIt was YOUR wife who caused my transgression.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n

Seems confession is good for the soul.
\nI, for one, have gained much on the whole.
\nI confessed what I\u2019d seen
\nTo my dad and Darleen,
\nAnd they added some cash to my roll.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: This may not be a subject for jokes, But I’m one of a whole bunch of folks Who’d be pleased if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,3362,3523,5106,5009,5018,5144,5399,5046,5052,5343,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-43346","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-doug-harris","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-paul-haebig","tag-richard-campbell","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43346"}],"version-history":[{"count":39,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43346\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43396,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43346\/revisions\/43396"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}