{"id":43304,"date":"2020-11-07T17:32:48","date_gmt":"2020-11-07T21:32:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43304"},"modified":"2020-11-07T17:45:18","modified_gmt":"2020-11-07T21:45:18","slug":"limerick-off-award-456","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/11\/07\/limerick-off-award-456\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (456)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this timely limerick:<\/p>\n

I awoke from a wonderful doze;
\nI dreamed victory fin\u2019lly was Joe\u2019s.
\n\u2019Twas a big f#%&ing deal.
\nWait a minute! It\u2019s REAL?
\nI\u2019m delighted clear down to my toes!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special DATING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t resist my last date;
\nOh, what a delectable bait!
\nSo tender, so young,
\nAnd so sweet on my tongue…
\nI left only the pit on my plate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cDoze or Doughs or Does\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DATING LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Too long for the “A” train I’ve waited
\nOn an evening far less than “B”-rated:
\nThe movie he chose
\nMade both of us doze;
\nNo dinner; I’m feeling “C”-dated.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She\u2019s one of those profligate does,
\nSpending money wherever she goes.
\nWhen she\u2019s out around town
\nShe gains widespread renown
\nCause of all of the bucks that she blows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

Your wee darlings glue things to my toes,
\nAnd put coins up my schnoz when I doze.
\nNow I fear for my hair!
\nIt just doesn\u2019t seem fair
\nThat for love I must pay through the nose.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Doze or Doughs or Does” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

Our town council is taking some flak
\nAnd folks want to give them the sack.
\nSince so many oppose
\nTheir plan to shoot does,
\nA target\u2019s been placed on their back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said the Godfather, \u201cPlenty of dough\u2019s
\nWhat that mob-skimming baker now owes,
\nSo just knead him a bit
\nTill you get him to fit
\nIn his oven, then bake till he glows.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Tell me, when do you use the word \u201cdoughs?\u201d
\nWhen they\u2019re pizza and cookies? Who knows?
\nAre they cash, as in when
\nYou use dollars plus yen?
\nMad likes keeping us all on our toes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Because Homer is led by his nose,
\nIt\u2019s off for pink donuts he goes.
\nFolks out and about
\nWithout doubt hear him shout \u2014
\n\u201cHey, gimme three dozen o\u2019 dohs!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

How could someone just lie in repose
\nAnd miss all those wonderful shows?
\nThe mountains were grand
\nIn the old Borscht Belt land.
\nBut Rip only wanted to doze.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Since I need, and consume, tons of doughs,
\nGround from nuts, seeds, or grains \u2014 ALL of those!
\nI will lug on my back
\nAn immense flour sack,
\nBake what\u2019s in it, then use it for clothes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DATING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

Once I dated a fiery Peruvian
\nWhose temper was simply Vesuvian.
\nHe flew into a rage
\nWhen I asked him his age
\n(Which I\u2019m certain was antediluvian.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Time was, you could dance at a ball,
\nSee a play, wine and dine, have it all —
\nBut what’s dating today
\n(In the new COVID way)?
\nSitting home on a video call.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

\nYou\u2019re an Irish poetical male,
\nAnd your rhythm in bed is a Fail?
\nYou must switch to 12\/8
\nWhen humping your date,
\nOr you\u2019ll end up in Limerick jail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been driving him out of his wits
\nThat he\u2019s dating a gal with great tits.
\nNow, I give you my word
\nI refer to the bird
\n(Though it\u2019s true that her bod never quits).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

My experience dating is meager.
\nI\u2019m awkward and overly eager.
\nI DON\u2019T know the right moves,
\nAnd WHAT are these \u201cnight moves?\u201d
\nYou\u2019re NOT friggin\u2019 helping, Bob Seger!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Mary told me this guy was real bright,
\nBut something just didn’t seem right;
\nWhen we went out to eat
\nHe appeared quite elite,
\nTill he ate the whole steak in one bite.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul Haebig:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m pursuing a cute intellectual,
\nBut my wooing has proved ineffectual.
\nIs he straight? Is he gay?
\nCould he go either way?
\nOr maybe he\u2019s simply asexual.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this timely limerick: I awoke from a wonderful doze; I dreamed victory fin\u2019lly was Joe\u2019s. \u2019Twas a big f#%&ing deal. Wait a minute! It\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,2538,5009,5018,5144,5399,5052,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-43304","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-konrad-schwoerke","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-paul-haebig","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43304","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43304"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43304\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43336,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43304\/revisions\/43336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43304"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43304"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43304"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}