It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. <\/p>\n
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n
To the open-air church on my street,
\nCautious cats come to prey and to eat.
\nFrom clean tables they\u2019ll scrounge,
\nBut on chairs they won\u2019t lounge \u2014
\nNot until they have sprayed every seat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nCongratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special ADVICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n
\u201cTurn left \u2013 I have now told you twice!\u201d
\nBut he simply ignored her advice.
\nMoses knew he was right,
\nLed them on day and night …
\nForty years in the desert, the price.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nAnd congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Tim James, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, Cyn,<\/a> Terry Marter, Michael Moulton, Tony Holmes, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cSEAT or DECEIT or RECEIPT OR CONCEIT\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ADVICE LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n
Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n
If you are determined to cheat
\nOn your spouse, for god\u2019s sake, be discreet.
\nWhen your conduct\u2019s impure,
\nMake sure you secure
\nYour cell phone to shield your deceit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nHONORABLE MENTIONS (“SEAT or DECEIT or RECEIPT OR CONCEIT” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n
Tim James:<\/p>\n
A gal thought her life incomplete
\n\u2019Cause her butt wasn\u2019t pert or petite.
\nWhen her doc showed her pics
\nOf a possible fix,
\nShe said, \u201cNice! Please reserve me this seat!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nPaul Haebig:<\/p>\n
I\u2019m glad that I kept the receipt.
\nThat butcher\u2019s a terrible cheat!
\nThe label said \u201cBeef,\u201d
\nBut I just found a leaf.
\nThis meat was peeled off of the street!<\/p><\/blockquote>\nBrian Allgar:<\/p>\n
\nThe lookalike actor was hired
\nTo be ridiculed. Here\u2019s what transpired:
\nDonald smirked. \u201cTake a seat …\u201d
\nThen he waited a beat
\nBefore screaming \u201cObama, you\u2019re fired!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nSjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n
I have warts; I have hair on my feet;
\nYellow teeth, and a laugh like a bleat.
\nI have gaping gaposis
\nAnd niggling neurosis.
\nBut something I DON\u2019T have? Conceit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nCyn:<\/p>\n
A husband conceded defeat:
\n\u201cI admit it,\u201d said he, \u201cI\u2019ve been beat \u2014
\nMy wife\u2019s many affairs
\nAre like musical chairs
\nWith some other man taking my seat.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTerry Marter:<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a church at the end of our street,
\nWhere the Sunday \u201cgood\u201d folk take their seat.
\nBut OUR prayers are said,
\nAs we lie in our bed,
\nScreaming \u201cOh-My-God\u201d under the sheet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nHONORABLE MENTIONS (ADVICE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n
Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n
In the Twittersphere some just excuse
\nTrump\u2019s corruption as seen on the news.
\nAnd ignoring his lies,
\nThey seek to advise
\nSen. Harris on her choosing her shoes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTony Holmes:<\/p>\n
\u201cMy advice? Take the money and run.
\nFind some sunshine, relax and have fun.
\nLife is short, make it sweet;
\nSnatch a win from defeat,
\nAnd from now on make you number one!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nSjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll dispense free advice to relieve
\nAny grumbler with gripes to aggrieve.
\nI\u2019m quite gen’rous that way;
\nThere\u2019s no need to repay.
\nI say better to give than receive.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nLisi Nortman says:<\/p>\n
A word to the wise may be nice.
\nBut the truth (to be very precise)
\nIs they don\u2019t need your views,
\nCause to them it\u2019s not news.
\nIt\u2019s the dumb ones who need your advice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTony Holmes, for his “Advice To A Young Bride.”<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019ll get fresh \u2013 they all do. Make a din.
\nIt\u2019s a contest of wills \u2013 don\u2019t give in!
\nHe will claim it\u2019s his right,
\nThat you must \u2013 every night;
\nBut hold out till he begs, and you win!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nCongratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n
In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n