{"id":43051,"date":"2020-08-01T16:47:21","date_gmt":"2020-08-01T20:47:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=43051"},"modified":"2020-08-01T17:02:36","modified_gmt":"2020-08-01T21:02:36","slug":"limerick-off-award-449","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/08\/01\/limerick-off-award-449\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (449)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Its stores were all closed in the fall.
\nOutside, not one occupied stall.
\nThey\u2019ll auction away
\nThe whole complex today;
\nWhich proves that you CAN win a mall.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special NAG-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

If I prod you to zig when you zag,
\nOr try spurring you on when you lag,
\nYou just snort like a horse.
\nSo I\u2019m puzzled, of course,
\nAs to which one of us is the nag.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

\nThough her husband’s been dead since September
\nAnd it’s now two weeks into December,
\nMrs. D. finds no peace,
\nNo surcease, no release
\nFrom the words she will always remember:<\/p>\n

“Humpty dear,” she had nagged, “I’ll be bound,
\nYou are getting entirely too round.
\nJust watching you dress
\nIs a source of distress:
\nYou’ve outgrown all your clothing!” she’d frowned —<\/p>\n

But he’d smiled! “Dear, don’t worry at all;
\nI’ll just buy some new clothes at the mall.
\nHave you seen their new ad?
\n‘Come on down — you’ll be glad —
\nBuy our specials and Have a Great Fall!'”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Peter Sheil,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Suzanne Heymann, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tony Holmes, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MALL\/MAUL” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Said the globetrotter, \u201cI\u2019ve seen it all \u2014
\nMachu Picchu! The grand Taj Mahal!
\nBut the best sight I\u2019ve seen?
\nBack in two aught nineteen:
\nAn old ghost town some folks called \u2018The Mall.’\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

At Home Depot I purchased a maul
\nSince I\u2019ll need to split wood in the fall.
\nIt\u2019s a sharp, nasty tool.
\nThere\u2019s no risk, though; it\u2019s cool.
\nIt turns out I can\u2019t lift it at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Peter Sheil:<\/p>\n

For the seasonal sale in the fall
\nAn American goes to the mall,
\nWhile his young British pal
\nGoes to shop in the mall\u2014
\nThough in truth there’s no difference at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure to stay busy through fall,
\nSince I\u2019m summoned by poetry\u2019s call.
\nLoads of odes still to mangle,
\nThen torture and strangle,
\nPlus lim\u2019ricks galore I can maul!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

When I wander around in the mall,
\nI will oft hear that clarion call:
\n“Come buy it! You need it!”
\nI try not to heed it,
\nYet always head home with a haul.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (NAG LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If she nags you, don’t nag back or diss her.
\nShe might leave you, and then you would miss her.
\nIf she just starts to blabber,
\nDon’t jab her, don’t stab her.
\nJust nab her and grab her, then kiss her!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I found my old nag by the brook.
\nHe threw up and then violently shook.
\nSeems he ate too much hay;
\nHe sure wasn’t okay
\nAnd he gave me a real baleful look<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom a lifetime of losing on nags,
\nChasing women, and too many fags*,
\nI can say for a cert
\nThat, though losing my shirt,
\nWhen you give them up \u2013 Wow! \u2013 how time drags.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

*Fags in the UK are cigarettes.<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Double jeopardy answers the bell
\nWhen a partner is picky as hell.
\nCritique without pause
\nIs most likely to cause
\nA headache that\u2019s nagging as well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Its stores were all closed in the fall. Outside, not one occupied stall. They\u2019ll auction away The whole complex today; Which […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4465,5106,5009,5018,5144,5396,5052,5343,4533,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43051"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43051"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43051\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43076,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43051\/revisions\/43076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43051"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43051"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43051"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}