{"id":42891,"date":"2020-06-06T16:14:03","date_gmt":"2020-06-06T20:14:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42891"},"modified":"2020-06-08T11:35:50","modified_gmt":"2020-06-08T15:35:50","slug":"limerick-off-award-445","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/06\/06\/limerick-off-award-445\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (445)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nAs her dance reached its physical peak,
\nHer kid brother called out this critique:
\n\u201cSwing your butt side to side
\nIn an arc high and wide!\u201d
\nYes, the twerp thinks her twerk needs a tweak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special RUDENESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

While tending a gardening chore,
\nA T-shirt is all that he wore.
\nHis bent-over stance
\nDrew a passerby\u2019s glance;
\nAn asshole she tried to ignore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred,<\/a> Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Wayne Feder,<\/a> and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cPEAK\/PEEK\/PIQUE\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RUDENESS LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a woman in Queens, have you guessed?
\nPuts our limerick skills to the test.
\nIf at her you feel pique
\nOr the urge to critique,
\nJust remember she\u2019s doing her best.<\/p>\n

So don\u2019t gripe, grumble, grouse, and don\u2019t brood.
\nDon\u2019t be churlish, self-centered, or rude.
\nI must say this because
\nWe all love what she does
\nAnd don\u2019t like when her good work is booed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

As the lockdown relaxes this week,
\nMy gray hair’s sticking up in a peak,
\nAll my frocks are too tight,
\nMy complexion’s a fright,
\nAnd I haven’t a shred of mystique.<\/p>\n

It’s all true, I admit it — but, dude,
\nDid you honestly buy me a snood?
\nAnd what’s THIS thing — a sack?
\nThat’s no dress! Take it back…
\nNo, you KNOW what? Go pack! You’re too rude!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PEAK\/PEEK\/PIQUE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

\u201cKiss my ass!\u201d Peter shrieked in fake pique.
\nSo obligingly, Mel, who is meek.
\nFelt compelled to submit
\nAnd to lick it a bit–
\nUnaware it was all \u201ctongue in cheek.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

Well, I once had a fling with a freak,
\nAnd her fetish was fairly unique;
\nShe was awesome in bed,
\nBut what filled me with dread
\nWas when Polly her parrot would peek.<\/p>\n

Cuz, not only did Pollyanne peek,
\nBut my paramour taught her to speak.
\nShe\u2019d say \u201cSquack!\u201d And \u201cOh blast
\nDon\u2019t you want this to last?\u201d
\nAnd, “I\u2019m not touching that with my beak!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

On our drive, things were suddenly bleak.
\nI started to shake and felt weak,
\nCuz we noticed a sign
\nThat said, \u201cCrafts By Design,\u201d
\nThen heard, \u201cHoney, let\u2019s take a quick peek.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Pelosi unleashed a critique;
\nThat Trump was just wimpy and weak.
\nOn Twitter she found
\nThat her message was sound;
\nShe\u2019d climbed to the top of his pique.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a Luddite, a lazy old chap.
\nHigh-tech smart phones? I don\u2019t give a rap.
\nBut my int\u2019rest would peak
\nIf some talented geek
\nWrote a program to download a nap.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

\u201cGrab a Bible, a church, and a cop,
\nAnd a camouflage outfit \u2014 chop-chop!\u201d
\nWhen they heard Kushner speak \u2014
\nHis excitement at peak \u2014
\nThey all knew that it meant Photo Op!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

From his bunker, King Trump risks a peek…
\nThen utters a terrified shriek:
\n\u201cThe election\u2019s suspended!
\nDemocracy\u2019s ended!
\nI just saw a PROTESTOR! Eeek!!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Donald\u2019s mood is far worse than mere pique;
\nHe\u2019s so angry, he barely can speak.
\n\u201cI rely on Fox guys
\nTo support all my lies,
\nBut they said something TRUTHFUL this week!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RUDENESS LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

My life is much better, I find,
\nIf I\u2019m courteous, thoughtful and kind.
\nYou, who label me rude:
\nShove your dumb attitude
\nUp your BIG STUPID STINKY BEHIND.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I\u2019d invited a girl home to \u201cplay,”
\nAnd it should have been my lucky day.
\nShe was nude, she was rude,
\nBut she never got screwed,
\nSince I had to stay six feet away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cOpen up!\u201d screams the mob, right on cue,
\nAnd they really don\u2019t care whom they screw.
\nThey\u2019re aggressive and rude
\n\u2019Cause they want sit-down food
\nPlus a haircut, massage, and tattoo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wayne Feder:<\/p>\n

When Trump\u2019s at the journalists\u2019 throats,
\nOr getting the med experts’ goats,
\nIs his rudeness the work
\nOf a maniacal jerk?
\nOr is Donald just sowing his oats?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Said the Judge, \u201cYou\u2019re an impudent floozy \u2014
\nA churlish, impertinent doozy!\u201d
\n\u201cDo go on,\u201d said the wench
\nWhile she stood at the bench.
\n\u201cAs compliments go, I ain\u2019t choosy.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite apart from the fact that you\u2019re crude,
\nThat your speech is with expletives strewed,
\nWhat has irked me the most
\nIs contempt for our host,
\nAnd cavorting around in the nude!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Alexa\u2019s new skill will include
\nAn effort to lighten the mood:
\nProclaiming her stress
\nWith the buttons you press;
\n\u201cDon\u2019t touch me there \u2013 you are so rude!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

\u201cOff with their heads!\u201d screamed the Queen.
\nCried Alice, \u201cThat\u2019s mean and obscene!\u201d
\n\u201cNo, it\u2019s not \u2014 it\u2019s just rude,
\n\u2019Cause I\u2019m in a bad mood.
\nYou should see what gets lopped when I\u2019m mean.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: As her dance reached its physical peak, Her kid brother called out this critique: \u201cSwing your butt side to side In […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,5106,5009,5018,5144,5052,5343,3342,3167,5145,5379,3543,487,523],"class_list":["post-42891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-whitred","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-wayne-feder","tag-will-t-laughlin","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42891"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42891\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42944,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42891\/revisions\/42944"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}