{"id":42771,"date":"2020-04-11T21:44:44","date_gmt":"2020-04-12T01:44:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42771"},"modified":"2020-04-11T22:05:58","modified_gmt":"2020-04-12T02:05:58","slug":"limerick-off-award-442","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/04\/11\/limerick-off-award-442\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (442)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Social distancing now is my thing.
\nI\u2019ve a mask I secure with a string.
\nBut until there\u2019s a cure,
\nWith my hands I\u2019m unsure:
\nShould I sanitize, wash, or just wring?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special FEAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Fearful rabbis declare we’ll be dead
\nIf we celebrate Pesach with bread.
\nI say: “God has more sense
\n(Well, He must; He’s not Pence…);
\nCan He kill superstition instead?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Susan Settje,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, David Reddekopp,<\/a> Thomas Vincent, Tony Holmes, Roger Haugen, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dale S. Biggs, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Steve Whitred,<\/a> and Steve Benko<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cRING\/WRING\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO FEAR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Susan Settje: <\/p>\n

We know Stoker and Lovecraft and King.
\nWe’ve seen Jackson and Poe do their thing.
\nLock the door, dim the light,
\nAnd prepare for a fright,
\nFor ev’ry last quiver they\u2019ll wring.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Shouted Thal, \u201cI\u2019ve invented the ring!\u201d
\nSaid Neander, \u201cGo hide that damn thing.
\nChiseled rocks with round holes \u2014
\nWhat if one of them rolls?
\nThal, I fear what the future will bring!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RING\/WRING” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A boxer with insight to spare
\nFought a bout, then was heard to declare:
\n\u201cIt\u2019s a curious thing.
\nWe all call this a \u2018ring\u2019 \u2014
\nSo why is it shaped like a square?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

There once was a man from Quebec,
\nWho proposed to his girl on the deck.
\nWhat he brought, for the bling,
\nWas a cheap plastic ring,
\nSo the girl started wringing his neck.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

The mini-bar\u2019s stocked with libation;
\nThe fluffed pillows suggest hibernation;
\nThere\u2019s a bell I can ring
\nShould I need anything.
\nWho will answer? Just me on staycation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent: <\/p>\n

Said a wizened prize fighter named Bing,
\n\u201cYou can cover your body with bling.
\nBut it won\u2019t change a thing,
\nIf you ain\u2019t got no swing;
\nThey\u2019ll be carting you out of the ring.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

My new girl is an old-fashioned thing
\nAnd as such, is averse to a fling.
\nShe will kiss \u2013 and we pet,
\nBut no nookie: \u201cNot yet!
\nIf you want me, just give me a ring.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

A loud voice to the chorus he\u2019ll bring,
\nBut his notes have a flat, hollow ring:
\n\u201cDough dough dough!\u201d \u2013 out they roll,
\n\u201cMe me me!\u201d \u2014 but where\u2019s soul?
\nSo I tune out when Trump starts to sing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A soprano, a devious thing,
\nWas a part of a criminal ring.
\nShe got busted, but knew
\nHow to rat out her crew;
\nSo when questioned, she started to sing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

They conducted a passionate fling
\nThat lasted through most of the Spring;
\n\u201cI\u2019m pregnant,\u201d she cried,
\nHe laughed and replied,
\n\u201cI suppose you\u2019re expecting a ring?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FEAR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m pregnant! I\u2019m frightened to tell
\nMy old man – he\u2019ll be angry as hell!\u201d
\n\u201cJust lie to the guy \u2013
\nSay an angel stopped by,
\nAnd some Heavenly Spirit as well.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dale S. Biggs: <\/p>\n

Said a priest to his flock, “Never fear…
\nFor to God you are precious and dear.
\nThough a pain in the ass,
\nCOVID-19 will pass–
\nWith assistance from pizza and beer.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Now folks, let me say something brief
\n\u2019Bout my honest and solid belief:
\nLet your fright disappear;
\nThere is nothing to fear…
\n(Except the “Commander-In-Chief.”)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Am I writing a foul villanelle? No!
\nA pantoum or a French kyrielle? No!
\nThese forms simply suck;
\nCompared to such muck,
\nDo limericks frighten me? Hell, no!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

It has now become perfectly clear
\nThat our nation has plenty to fear.
\nTo fuel our demise,
\nTrump incessantly lies
\nWhile nitwit Repugnicans cheer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

With a bellow that sounds insincere
\nSays the Prez: “Lo, the Donald is here!
\nWith the brains that I bring
\nI will fix everything!”
\nMr. Trump, that is what we all fear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

In those horror films, girls are dispatched,
\nBut I\u2019ve never thought I would get snatched,
\nCuz their endings get met
\nIn a lingerie set,
\nWhereas none of my underwear\u2019s matched.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

Until now, I quite happily paid
\nWhen the need would arise to get laid.
\nWith protection, the risk
\nWas just slipping a disc,
\nBut mere breathing now makes me afraid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Social distancing now is my thing. I\u2019ve a mask I secure with a string. But until there\u2019s a cure, With my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,5199,4465,4525,5009,5018,5144,5239,5052,5343,5080,3342,3569,5172,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-42771","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dale-s-biggs","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-reddekopp","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-roger-haugen","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-benko","tag-steve-whitred","tag-susan-settje","tag-thomas-vincent","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42771","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42771"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42771\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42805,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42771\/revisions\/42805"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42771"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42771"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42771"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}