{"id":42701,"date":"2020-03-14T22:39:12","date_gmt":"2020-03-15T02:39:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42701"},"modified":"2020-03-14T22:44:28","modified_gmt":"2020-03-15T02:44:28","slug":"limerick-off-award-440","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/03\/14\/limerick-off-award-440\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (440)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A pilot was taken aback
\nBy a sudden, fierce counterattack.
\nHe approached with great care
\nOn a wing and a prayer \u2014
\nAnd got slapped in the face by a WAC.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special TOY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

After both of the kids were asleep,
\nBuzz Lightyear would quietly creep
\nInto Mom\u2019s private room
\nFor a quick va-va-voom!
\n(Did he tire of little Bo Peep?)\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred,<\/a> Suzanne Heymann, Daisy Hyrkas, Dave Johnson, Steven Frakt, Thomas Vincent, Delano Britt, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Tim James, Kirk Miller, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Ken Gosse, Sjaan VandenBroeder, and Brian Allgar<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BACK\/ABACK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Stephen Whitred:<\/p>\n

Said the cannibal holding a sack,
\n\u201cHere\u2019s a hussy to cook us a snack.\u201d
\nBut her lumbar tattoo
\nWould just ruin the stew,
\nSo I doubt they\u2019ll be having her back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Her ex beat her up, blue and black,
\nBut her brothers would soon pay him back;
\nOn a railroad they’d heap
\n(And tie up) this dumb creep.
\nYou could say that they kept him on track.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daisy Hyrkas: <\/p>\n

Since I just can’t afford a Big Mac,
\nI check out the dumpster in back.
\nI sift through the litter
\nAnd fight off a critter,
\nBefore giving up on my snack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

She called him a liberal hack;
\n\u201cYou Trump-loving shill!\u201d he shot back.
\nThey\u2019re at it again;
\nThat’s the dialogue when
\nThe Conways are hitting the sack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steven Frakt: <\/p>\n

A flea and a fly ventured back
\nTo the flue they had fled through a crack;
\nThey did not much care
\nFor the cold outside air.
\nNow they\u2019re happy, for those keeping track.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent: <\/p>\n

Donald says that we have to strike back,
\nCuz the White House is under attack.
\nFor recession or flu,
\nIt is clear what to do:
\nWe will just blame it all on Barack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Delano Britt:<\/p>\n

There once was a gal with a knack.
\nFor lying all day on her back.
\nThough I know it is cheesy
\nTo say she is easy,
\nEven God couldn\u2019t keep her on track.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

A bimbo who wanted a “rack”
\nFound out that her doc was a quack
\nWhen she woke from her op
\nAnd discovered her top
\nHad voluptuous breasts in the back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

When he heard that a gal in a shack
\nDid her job lying flat on her back,
\nHe guffawed like a schmuck.
\n(She was fixing a truck.)
\nHe\u2019s a jerk with a mind that\u2019s one-track.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

The Pandemic we\u2019re currently braving
\nHas required new ways of behaving:
\nDo not greet with a smack,
\nIf you\u2019re breathing, stand back,
\nAnd trade foreplay for long-distance waving.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TOY LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Toy store owners are asking themselves
\nAbout drones, so each one of them delves
\nInto records of sales,
\nAnd the trend that prevails
\nIs that drones have been flying off shelves.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

As much as I hate to be crass,
\nI have to come clean, doc. Alas,
\nI got carried away.
\nWith some intimate play.
\nNow a butt plug has lodged up my ass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Most toddlers are not at all coy,
\nAnd we watch them with pleasure and joy.
\nThey will play with a box
\nOr with Grandpa’s old socks,
\nCause anything serves as a toy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse: <\/p>\n

A birthday\u2019s a time of great joy
\nFor ev’ry good girl and good boy,
\nBut as we get older
\nAnd joints get much colder,
\nWe feel like a kid\u2019s broken toy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If you’re poor and your children are boys
\nWhen they can’t have some fun, they make noise.
\nSo without acting chilly,
\nSay, “Play with your willy;
\nYou don’t need some silly old toys.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I started to strip her with glee,
\nBut I knew she was toying with me
\nWhen the object I felt
\nWas a chastity-belt,
\nAnd she claimed she\u2019d forgotten the key.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A pilot was taken aback By a sudden, fierce counterattack. He approached with great care On a wing and a prayer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5342,4465,5362,3523,5106,4842,3284,5009,5018,5144,5343,5361,3342,4533,5172,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-42701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-daisy-hyrkas","tag-dave-johnson","tag-delano-britt","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-ken-gosse","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-steve-frakt","tag-steve-whitred","tag-suzanne-heymann","tag-thomas-vincent","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42701"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42733,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42701\/revisions\/42733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}