{"id":42605,"date":"2020-02-16T00:08:52","date_gmt":"2020-02-16T04:08:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42605"},"modified":"2020-02-16T00:19:22","modified_gmt":"2020-02-16T04:19:22","slug":"limerick-off-award-338","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2020\/02\/16\/limerick-off-award-338\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (338)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The Old Mariner cried, \u201cWhat the heck?!
\nWith an albatross (dead) I must trek?!
\nCan\u2019t I just drag a chain
\nTo display your disdain —
\nNot this smelly old pain in the neck?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special STRING-INSTRUMENT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In the mountains, this small, remote nook
\nIs delightful, with woods, birds, and brook.
\nAnd the air is so clear!
\nHold on, what\u2019s that I hear?
\nA guitar and a banjo? Let\u2019s book!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Daisy Hyrkas, Tanja Cilia,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Sjaan VandenBroeder, Jean McEwen, Beri Caram, Suzanne Heymann, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Andrew Sprung,<\/a> Byron Miller, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CHAIN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I had gotten my gal a gold chain
\nFor a bracelet. She said with disdain:
\n\u201cYou\u2019re a jerk; that I knew.
\nIt turns out you\u2019re cheap too!\u201d
\nAll this fuss for a tiny green stain!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daisy Hyrkas: <\/p>\n

I wove many a fine daisy chain
\nAnd danced without clothes in the rain.
\nYou bet your sweet bippy
\nI once was a hippie,
\nBut the pendulum swung right again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tanja Cilia: <\/p>\n

Yarn-writers spin epics in vain.
\nEach saga, they link in a chain.
\nBut real life zooms so fast,
\nThey\u2019re not destined to last;
\nIn the end, just flash fiction will reign.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (Aftermath of Trump\u2019s impeachment)<\/p>\n

\nIn a show that surpassed the Third Reich\u2019s,
\nTraitors\u2019 heads were impaled upon spikes.
\nThey\u2019d been hanged with a chain
\nOn the White House terrain,
\nLive on Facebook, with millions of \u2018likes.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

The foreboding chain letter was plain:
\n\u201cSend this on, or you\u2019ll suffer great pain.\u201d
\nSo I covered my ass,
\nSent out letters en masse,
\nAnd let somebody else break the chain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Will we ever find out the full chain
\nOf events that led up to Ukraine?
\n(Trump\u2019s corruption, that is…)
\nI doubt it, \u2019cause his
\nIs one grand feat of legerdemain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Beri Caram:<\/p>\n

Who knows who is nutty or sane?
\nOne wonders and thinks, all in vain.
\nYour “brisk” is my “lazy.”
\nMy “sane” is your “crazy.”
\nOh please, won\u2019t you undo my chain?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

\nThe cop asked the drunk in the rain,
\n“Where to? It’s past midnight! Explain!”
\n“To a lecture; can’t wait!”
\n“Who gives lectures this late?”
\n“Just my wife, sir, the great ball and chain.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (STRING INSTRUMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been tutored to toot the kazoo.
\nMy tunes and my rhythms are true.
\nBut I can\u2019t play a thing
\nOn a musical string.
\nYes I fret that I don\u2019t have a clue.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Many gals in the orchestra face
\nAn attempt by a guy (a disgrace)
\nTo do sexual things
\nWith the \u201cbabes\u201d in the strings \u2014
\nThough he still hasn\u2019t got to first bass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

She always made love with her fellow
\nAs though she were playing the cello.
\nWhen she gripped with her knees,
\nSo hard did she squeeze
\nThat he gave an unmusical bellow.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

On the “practice test,” I have reviewed
\nAll the answers, so I could conclude
\nThat a hat’s to a head
\nLike a sheet’s to a bed
\nAnd the banjo’s like Spam is to food.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve lost count of the horrible things
\nThat McConnell, Trump\u2019s instrument, brings.
\nBut let\u2019s not forget
\nHe\u2019s a marionette \u2013
\nIt is Donald who\u2019s pulling the strings.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Andrew Sprung:<\/p>\n

A virgin violist named Vera
\nFretted opening night, taut with terruh.
\n\u201cIf I whinny or whine
\nWhen my beau\u2019s strings touch mine,
\nThen the whole world will hear of my erruh!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

String ensembles are musically mellow;
\nI\u2019m a center front row type of fellow.
\nI\u2019m also a flirt
\nAnd may peek up the skirt
\nOf the woman who\u2019s playing the cello.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

With the lush tones her instrument brings,
\nShe\u2019s playing some beautiful things.
\nBut finding a place
\nFor a harpist to base?
\nShe just might have to pull a few strings.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The Old Mariner cried, \u201cWhat the heck?! With an albatross (dead) I must trek?! Can\u2019t I just drag a chain To […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5355,5356,4003,2578,5342,4465,3523,5106,5009,5018,5144,5343,4533,5333,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42605"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42605"}],"version-history":[{"count":36,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42605\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42657,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42605\/revisions\/42657"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}