{"id":42307,"date":"2019-11-09T22:31:09","date_gmt":"2019-11-10T02:31:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42307"},"modified":"2019-11-10T14:16:17","modified_gmt":"2019-11-10T18:16:17","slug":"limerick-off-award-333","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/11\/09\/limerick-off-award-333\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (333)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

One night, I undid my car\u2019s lock,
\nThen I watched from afar like a hawk.
\nAlong came a robber.
\nI smiled, dripping slobber.
\nWith what did I clobber? A rock!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special JAZZ-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In a very conservative nation
\nWhere musical improvisation
\nIs viewed with disdain,
\nPlaying jazz leads to pain
\nFrom a sentence of defenestration.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse:<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\n\u2018Oh, my lord, place your key in my lock!\u2019
\nSaid his lady, adjusting her frock.
\n\u2018Now you\u2019re back from crusade,
\nI\u2019m quite keen to get laid.\u2019
\n\u201cWell, prepare you, my dear, for a shock.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThough by Nature not greatly endowed,
\nWhen I left you, my manhood stood proud;
\nBut my bladder was weak,
\nI stepped out for a leak \u2026
\nNow a Saracen blade has me bowed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2018Oh, my lord! I have waited so long;
\nWith your coming, I burst into song.
\nBut you\u2019ve done derring deeds,
\nWith no thought for my needs;
\nTo return thus, you do me great wrong.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, my lady, lambaste me no more!
\nYou are just, but I\u2019m still very sore.
\nIt\u2019s the nature of things \u2013
\nAnd believe me, it stings;
\nOn the bright side, I evened the score.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The rest of this saga is here.<\/a> <\/p>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Daisy Hyrkas, Suzanne Heymann, David Friedman, David Reddekopp,<\/a> Roger Haugen, John Bergstrom, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LOCK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

\u201cDelilah!\u201d cried Samson in shock,
\n\u201cThis haircut will make people gawk.\u201d
\nThen he tried to stand tall
\nFor his manhood and all,
\nBut went limp when she lopped the last lock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The voters, a gullible flock,
\nHad swallowed unthinkingly, lock,
\nStock, and barrel, that guy\u2019s
\nEndless boasting and lies –
\nIncluding the size of his cock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

An apparel firm pumped up their stock:
\n\u201cIt\u2019ll double in price! It\u2019s a lock!
\nOur source of success is
\nOur fine women\u2019s dresses!\u201d
\nThe truth is, I don\u2019t give a frock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daisy Hyrkas:<\/p>\n

Miss Caroline stood on the dock
\nAnd dipped her toes into the loch.
\nHer foot probed the murk,
\nAnd she felt a sharp jerk.
\nSeems Nessie had pulled off her sock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

My house is a place I don\u2019t lock,
\nBut burglars are in for a shock.
\nIt\u2019s booby-trapped well
\nAnd a nightmarish hell;
\nThey\u2019ll get crushed by a cell concrete block!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Guinevere,\u201d Lance said in shock,
\n\u201cThis chastity belt thing\u2019s a crock!
\nFor why such attire
\nWhen each knight and squire
\nHas got his own key to the lock?!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

The president boasts, \u201cMan, I rock!
\nMy victory next year\u2019s a lock.
\nOf that fact I\u2019ve no doubt \u2013
\nI\u2019ll win in a rout!
\nThis I swear by my fifteen-inch cock.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

Groaned Raul to the old Cuban doc,
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s causing my stomach to lock?\u201d
\nAs the man poked and prodded,
\nHe solemnly nodded:
\n\u201cIt\u2019s a Castro-intestinal block.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (JAZZ-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Daisy Hyrkas: <\/p>\n

She’s a big fan of jazz and the blues.
\nShe lounges at bars sucking booze.
\nShe channels Miss Ella
\nAnd sings a cappella…
\nWhile her boyfriend just sits home and stews.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Bergstrom: <\/p>\n

Messrs. Satchmo and Dizzy and Miles
\nAll blew in their various styles.
\nNow up in the sky
\nIn that sweet bye and bye,
\nThey\u2019re playing together at Ryles.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

While some jazz buffs get into a tizzy
\nOver bebop and swing, I think Dizzy
\nGillespie is King
\nAnd Glenn Miller\u2019s the Thing!
\n(Yes, it\u2019s true: I still drive a Tin Lizzie.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

What\u2019s great about music called jazz
\nIs what the art hasn\u2019t and has:
\nNo thunderous din
\nFor ears made of tin;
\nJust rhythmic\/harmonic pizzazz.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Still groovin’ although he was blind,
\nHe was certainly one of a kind.
\nNot a thing could compare
\nTo his brilliant despair
\nWhen Georgia was still on his mind.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The singer, a drummer, and bass
\nRecorded with smoldering grace.
\nIt didn\u2019t take long;
\nPeggy Lee\u2019s biggest song
\nTook off at a Feverish pace.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

We swayed and we spun and we twirled.
\nWe hopped and we bopped and we swirled.
\nWe danced with pizzazz
\nTo something called jazz;
\nAmerica\u2019s gift to the world.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: One night, I undid my car\u2019s lock, Then I watched from afar like a hawk. Along came a robber. I smiled, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5342,4465,5187,4525,3523,5106,5107,5009,5018,5144,5239,5343,4533,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42307"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42307"}],"version-history":[{"count":33,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42307\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42365,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42307\/revisions\/42365"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}