{"id":42259,"date":"2019-10-12T23:08:38","date_gmt":"2019-10-13T03:08:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42259"},"modified":"2019-10-12T23:23:27","modified_gmt":"2019-10-13T03:23:27","slug":"limerick-off-award-332","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/10\/12\/limerick-off-award-332\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (332)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I said, \u201cSigmund, you must get a grip!
\nI\u2019m not watching a cross-dresser strip.\u201d
\nBut he tuned out my plea;
\nNow I cannot unsee
\nWhat was under his Freudian slip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Boss-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Mid-management suck-ups are worst;
\nIndulging their own selfish thirst.
\nDon\u2019t ask for a raise,
\nAny guidance or praise;
\nThe backsides they\u2019re smooching come first.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz,<\/a> Tim James, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Roger Haugen, Jean McEwen, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cGRIP\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BOSS-Themed LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

\nThe sailors all started to shirk
\n\u2019Cause the man at the helm was a jerk.
\nHe soon lost his grip
\nOn the crew of the ship.
\nHe was more Captain Hook than James Kirk.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

My boss says, \u201cI run a tight ship,\u201d
\nAs we\u2019re crushed in his power-mad grip.
\nWhen I quit one fine day
\nI\u2019ll look over his way;
\nThe proverbial bird I will flip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“GRIP” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter: <\/p>\n

I swallowed the \u2019shrooms, took a trip
\nOn a glorious, mystical ship,
\nAnd words cannot say
\nWhat I gained on that day
\nFrom the lesson of losing my grip.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen: <\/p>\n

\nWhen the sickly old man took a sip
\nOf a potion with unsurpassed zip,
\nThe flu quickly fled\u2013
\nHe leapt from his bed,
\nSo glad he was losing his grippe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Dick just should have bitten his lip,
\nBut, enraged, he tripped up (lost his grip),
\nSo he shrieked at his shrink,
\n\u201cBitch, you drive me to kink!\u201d
\n(Then regretted his Freudian slip).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BOSS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

Though I work every day at a loss,
\nMy company won\u2019t come across:
\n\u201cThere\u2019s no money for you.\u201d
\nAnd I know that it\u2019s true,
\nBecause actually, I\u2019m my own boss.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter: <\/p>\n

\n“Come here. Brush my teeth,” said my boss.
\nI did so and did not grow cross.
\nBut I threw a big fit
\nAnd I threatened to quit
\nWhen he opened his mouth and said, “Floss!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

A crabby, mean boss in Seattle
\nGrew sick of employees he\u2019d battle.
\nBut lately the word
\nIs he\u2019s driving a herd;
\nHe thinks he\u2019ll do better with cattle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

His boss and he frequently clash,
\nAnd he suffers, as under the lash.
\nHere she comes, and he\u2019s sure
\nThere\u2019s fresh hell to endure:
\n\u201cIf you would, dear, please take out the trash.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman: (Advice to the New Girl)<\/p>\n

\n“Don\u2019t get yourself into a tizzy;
\nYou\u2019re so nervous, you\u2019re making me dizzy.
\nRemember, I said:
\n‘You must keep a cool head.
\nWhen the boss walks in, act like you\u2019re busy.’\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke: <\/p>\n

\nThe top dog at my firm is a jerk,
\nAlways leering and touching at work.
\nBut they laughed sans restraint
\nAt my HR complaint;
\nNow the bitch makes me bump, grind, and twerk.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I said, \u201cSigmund, you must get a grip! I\u2019m not watching a cross-dresser strip.\u201d But he tuned out my plea; Now […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,5106,2538,5009,5018,5144,2537,5239,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42259"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42259"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42259\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42304,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42259\/revisions\/42304"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}