{"id":42226,"date":"2019-09-28T22:08:17","date_gmt":"2019-09-29T02:08:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42226"},"modified":"2019-09-28T22:16:51","modified_gmt":"2019-09-29T02:16:51","slug":"limerick-off-award-331","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/09\/28\/limerick-off-award-331\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (331)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Simply nothing will ever surpass
\nThe laughs when I took my whole class
\nTo the zoo; found a note
\nFrom a very cute goat
\nSaying, “Hey guys, ya got any grass?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special GRAMMAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Donald takes a rhetorical hammer
\nTo bash any semblance of grammar.
\nWe hope what he says
\nAs a future ex-Prez
\nDraws laughs from his mates in the slammer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Steve Benko,<\/a> Bindy Bitterman,<\/a> Tony Holmes, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cNOTE\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GRAMMAR-Themed LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cThough they laugh at my spelling and grammuh,
\nAt weather, believe me, I am a
\nMap-maker of note,
\nSo it\u2019s just like I wrote —
\nThe hurricane hit Alabama!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Way back in the munth ov July
\nI held up my banner reel hi
\nAnd karefully wrote:
\n\u201cAll u folks pleeze take note:
\nBad Spellers!! We yall must UNTIE.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Zoologists, please do take note:
\nThere IS such a thing as a shoat.
\nIt\u2019s not sired by a ram,
\nAnd a goat\u2019s not its dam,
\nAnd it certainly isn\u2019t a stoat.<\/p>\n

A shoat is a newly weaned pig;
\nIts hands \u2014 sorry, HOOVES \u2014 aren\u2019t big;
\nIt\u2019s a juvenile hog
\nAnd it can\u2019t dance or jog.
\nAm I writing too subtle a dig?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NOTE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nThe anthem that Francis Scott wrote
\nScrews the diaphragm, lungs, and the throat.
\nAs I reached way up there
\nFor \u201cthe rockets\u2019 red glare\u201d
\nI sprained everything<\/strong> hitting that note.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

\nOld Noah the perv, you should note,
\nWould get off in the rain\u2014let me quote:
\n\u201cSure, a sprinkle is sweet,
\nBut when beating my meat,
\nIt\u2019s a deluge that\u2019s floating my boat.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\n\u201cOn Ivanka,\u201d says Donald, \u201cI dote,
\nBut of Tiffany barely take note.
\nThough the Jewish one\u2019s hot
\n(Why with THEM tie the knot?),
\nHer poor sister tends sadly to bloat.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bindy Bitterman:<\/p>\n

When he slipped something into her tote,
\nShe hoped for a sweet, loving note.
\nBut it sadly turned out
\nWhat the note was about:
\n\u2019Twas only Mad Kane\u2019s weekly quote!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

With his short stubby Sharpie, Trump wrote
\nAn alternative storm track. \u201cTake note:
\n\u2019Bama\u2019s gonna get hit.
\nThey\u2019re in really deep shit!\u201d
\n(With the rest of us in the same boat.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

An Italian tenor of note
\nWould, at times, lose his voice and I quote:
\n\u201cIf I sing … they no clap?\u201d
\nHe gets nervous, poor chap,
\nAnd the fear puts a frog in his throat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRAMMAR-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cSecond person familiar,\u201d said I
\nTo my student. \u201cNow give it a try.\u201d
\nShe used thou, thee and thine
\nAnd her grammar was fine \u2015
\nAs I rested my hand on her thy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The Oxford professor was pissed;
\nHe was shouting and waving his fist.
\n\u201cI have told you before \u2013
\nWhen there\u2019s three terms or more,
\nA comma\u2019s REQUIRED in a list!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Grasping homophones makes me so proud
\nAnd proves that I’m quite well-endowed,
\nWith a brain so acute
\nThat there’s just no dispute.
\n(And now I’ll recite one allowed.) <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Those old scolds who incessantly yammer
\nAbout other folks\u2019 syntax and grammar
\nShould just give it a rest
\n(Leave their views unexpressed)–
\nOr expect to get hit with a hammer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been dating an English professor;
\nIt\u2019s delightful until I undress her.
\nDuring passionate sex,
\nPillow talk she corrects,
\nAnd it makes my arousal much lesser.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bindy Bitterman:<\/p>\n

Aw, shucks, here I am in the slammer!
\nYou\u2019d a thunk I\u2019d a taken a hammer
\nAnd I\u2019d killed someone dead.
\nBut what I done instead —
\nWas just murder that dumb English grammar!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

A rigid grammarian, Guy,
\nClaims that HE knows what\u2019s right, also why.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s subjective, you see,
\nNot objective like \u2018me\u2019.\u201d
\nSo me poked this guy right in his \u2018I\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Simply nothing will ever surpass The laughs when I took my whole class To the zoo; found a note From […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5302,4003,4465,5106,2538,5009,5018,5144,5052,5080,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42226"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42226"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42226\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42257,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42226\/revisions\/42257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}