{"id":42168,"date":"2019-09-07T22:25:18","date_gmt":"2019-09-08T02:25:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=42168"},"modified":"2019-09-07T23:23:49","modified_gmt":"2019-09-08T03:23:49","slug":"limerick-off-award-330","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/09\/07\/limerick-off-award-330\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (330)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Nitroglycerin\u2019s touchy, although
\nIt\u2019s quite safe in the hands of a pro.
\nWhich I am. So don\u2019t fret;
\nI\u2019ve had no problems yet.
\nI\u2019ve no fear it will ever explo\u2015<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special INTERNET HAZARD-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nYou ask, \u201cWhy does Donald use Twitter
\nTo govern?\u201d Well, what could be fitter?
\nWith his phone on his lap,
\nHe can spew out some crap,
\nWhile the rest of it goes in the shitter.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Tim James, Dave Johnson, Tanja Cilia, Suzanne Heymann, Mike Moulton, John Shardlow, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Fred Bortz.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cPRO\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO INTERNET HAZARD LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

In translation, I’ve earned my good name;<\/a>
\nI have reaped recognition and fame —
\nAh, but even a pro
\nCan be dealt a grave blow
\nBy an innocent Internet game:<\/p>\n

“Only 10,000 words for today?
\nFine! I’ll just take a moment to play…”
\nBut those “moments” can cost —
\nNo words done! Six hours lost!
\nAnd now all I can say is “Oy, vey.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PRO” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter: <\/p>\n

At a high-school debate long ago,
\nMy opponent, alas, didn’t show,
\nBut I was unfazed
\nAnd the crowd was amazed
\nAs I argued both sides, con and pro.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

His writing was that of a pro \u2015
\nA bit morbid and skin-crawly, though.
\nTalking birds, howling cats:
\nStuff like that is just bats!
\n(A description that\u2019s most aproPoe.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Some people are wearing GoPro;
\nReal handy for filming a show.
\nBut here\u2019s where its charm
\nMight be viewed with alarm:
\nNot turning it off when you go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tanja Cilia: <\/p>\n

I bought a palatial chateau
\nFor a long-lasting tryst with my beau.
\nBut the plumbing was bust;
\nThere was mold, rot, and dust,
\nAnd the place was all cons and no pro.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

My Labor Day burgers will show
\nI\u2019m running the grill like a pro.
\nBut knobs turned in vain
\nShowed a lack of propane;
\nIt\u2019s off to McDonald\u2019s we go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If a worker says “Oops!” or “Oh no!”
\nOr appears to be nervous or slow,
\nGives you sass or acts crass,
\nHas the brass to pass gas,
\nYou can bet your sweet ass he’s no pro.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton: <\/p>\n

One ev’ning, Melania said, \u201cNo,
\nMy headaches do trouble me so,
\nAnd the baby won\u2019t sleep.
\nYour urges will keep.\u201d
\nSaid Donald, \u201cI\u2018ll hire a pro.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INTERNET HAZARD LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

Her message exclaimed, “You’re so hot!”
\nI was flattered. I said, “Thanks a lot!”
\nWe chatted. I fell
\nQuite under her spell
\nTill I learned it was love at first bot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Shardlow:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard from an African Prince
\nWho\u2019s doing his best to convince
\nMe to share in his wealth
\nAnd transfer by stealth
\nDirty money he\u2019s trying to rinse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

The Internet sure does “entice.”
\n(I’m obsessed with my wondrous device.)
\nBut when networking broke,
\nI went downstairs and spoke
\nTo my fam’ly; they seem really nice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

The virus arrived undetected
\nIn a message I never suspected.
\nThe disguise was so slick.
\nAll it took was one click.
\nMy computer\u2019s now sick. I\u2019m infected!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Some people we happened to meet
\nFrom an Airbnb up the street
\nWere full of despair;
\nZero linens in there.
\nThat really did happen \u2013 no sheet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

A Facebook ad showed Jim a blouse
\nThat he thought he should buy for his spouse:
\n“She’s size ‘M'” — but what came
\nIn the mail (to his shame)
\nWould have fit on an av’rage-sized mouse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Nitroglycerin\u2019s touchy, although It\u2019s quite safe in the hands of a pro. Which I am. So don\u2019t fret; I\u2019ve had no […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,5173,5009,5018,5144,3621,2537,5052,4533,5333,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42168"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42168"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42168\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42216,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42168\/revisions\/42216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}