{"id":41983,"date":"2019-07-27T23:34:52","date_gmt":"2019-07-28T03:34:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41983"},"modified":"2021-01-04T16:57:54","modified_gmt":"2021-01-04T20:57:54","slug":"limerick-off-award-327","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/07\/27\/limerick-off-award-327\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (327)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. <\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

His pie made with herbs and key lime
\nWas disgusting, a cul’nary crime.
\nThough the chef\u2019s name was Basil,
\nHis dish failed to dazzle —
\nIn fact, a complete waste of thyme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROGER HAUGEN, who wins the Special Investment-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The investments that pay off are not
\nWhat traditional wisdom has taught;
\nThis wide-open field
\nOffers maximum yield,
\nWhere the smart money\u2019s going to pot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

To save for retirement these days,
\nWe rely on our 401(k)s.
\nBut the people we trust
\nTo invest (as we must)
\nLike to fleece us in devious ways.<\/p>\n

Chances are that your broker has glossed
\nOver fees and expenses and cost.
\nHe describes them as small,
\nBut in no time at all,
\nHuge chunks of your money get lost.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve none of us time to be scholars
\nOf the market, so nobody hollers
\nWhen the loss \u2014 over years
\nOf our working careers \u2014
\nMounts to multiple thousands of dollars.<\/p>\n

Plus, here\u2019s a conundrum that\u2019s funny:
\nLet the climate be stormy, or sunny;
\nBe it bull, be it bear:
\nStill, your money\u2019s not there
\n\u2019Til you sell! Call it Schroedinger\u2019s Money.<\/p>\n

So your gains in the market you plot:
\nYou think it\u2019s real money. It\u2019s not.
\nWhile you tally in vain
\nTheoretical gain,
\nYour broker\u2019s off buying a yacht.<\/p>\n

The truth is, although you may feel
\nThat your agent\u2019s small fees are a steal,
\nThe money you make
\nIn the market is fake\u2026
\nAnd your broker\u2019s commission is real.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Jean McEwen, Steve Benko,<\/a> Byron Miller, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Tim James, Bruce McGuffin, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and John Cooney. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TIME\/THYME” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Pete and Pam, perfect partners in crime,
\nSwindled suckers galore in their prime.
\nThey attained great acclaim
\nIn the Thieves\u2019 Hall of Fame,
\nBut today they are serving hard time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

A large gin and tonic with lime
\nMay be needed to help pass the time,
\nFor the Donald, I fear,
\nStill has over a year
\nTo drain swamps and refill them with slime.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller<\/p>\n

To create pasta sauce that\u2019s sublime,
\nCorrect seasoning usage is prime.
\nBasil adds to the blend,
\nPlus oregano, friend,
\nAnd remember, good sauces take thyme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

In Congress, some cheered, “Mueller time!”
\nYet to hear him was far from sublime.
\nHe seemed “long in the tooth,”
\nBut delivered this truth:
\nObstruction by Trump was a crime.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

I feel I\u2019m committing a crime
\nBy subscribing to Amazon Prime,
\nWhere the workers must fight
\nWith a quota so tight
\nThat they have to go backwards in time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She and I, in a warm sunny clime,
\nIn a citrus grove had a good time.
\n\u2019Neath a fruit-laden tree
\nShe made sweet love with me.
\nThe delight of that day was sub lime.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce McGuffin:<\/p>\n

I have given up wasting my time
\nIn the search for that one perfect rhyme.
\nLiterati raise hell
\nBut most people can\u2019t tell.
\nAnd the slant rhymes I choose work out fine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INVESTMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

I put all of my money in stocks
\nThat I kept in a drawer with my socks.
\nThis, my wife and her lover
\nWere quick to discover;
\nI should\u2019ve invested in locks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t invest all your money, dear Tommy.
\nRainy days might just come,\u201d said my mommy.
\nSo I did what she said,
\nAnd I\u2019m still in the red
\nCuz I didn\u2019t expect a tsunami.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

I thought my investment was sound,
\nBut my 404(k) hit the ground.
\n\u201cDon\u2019t you mean four-oh-one?\u201d
\nYou may ask. Oh, my son:
\n404 means the File Can\u2019t Be Found.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Cooney:<\/p>\n

There once was an old guy who said,
\nTo his sexy young wife, so well bred:
\n\u201cWait up for me, honey.
\nInvest all our money
\nIn cryonics, as soon as I\u2019m dead!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My financial adviser put me
\nIn a pyramid scheme (for a fee.)
\nI wised up, dropped a dime,
\nAnd he\u2019s now doing time.
\nIn the end, though, I\u2019m broker than he.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

Said my grandpa, \u201cForget about stocks;
\nPut your money in bagels and lox.
\nYou can make lots of mammon
\nBy smoking a salmon;
\nMy boy, opportunity knocks.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

In the market some folks try their luck
\nWhen hoping to make a big buck.
\nBut I’d rather play poker
\nThan buy from a broker
\nAnd hear him explaining, “Oh f*ck.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

“What’s a Stock Broker?” asked my dear son.
\n“I’ve heard that the job can be fun.”
\nI replied, “He’s a brute
\nWho will take all your loot
\nAnd invest it until there is none.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: His pie made with herbs and key lime Was disgusting, a cul’nary crime. Though the chef\u2019s name was Basil, His dish […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5258,2578,3523,5106,5301,2538,5009,5018,5144,5239,5080,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41983"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41983"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41983\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43524,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41983\/revisions\/43524"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41983"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41983"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41983"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}