{"id":41933,"date":"2019-07-14T00:14:11","date_gmt":"2019-07-14T04:14:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41933"},"modified":"2019-07-14T00:21:33","modified_gmt":"2019-07-14T04:21:33","slug":"limerick-off-award-326","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/07\/14\/limerick-off-award-326\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (326)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Mosquitoes just laugh at my screen;
\nThey somehow get through it unseen,
\nAnd night after night
\nAs they swarm in to bite,
\nThey say \u201cHey! A blood-donor machine!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to STEVE BENKO,<\/a> who wins the Special Wind Instrument-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The string section thinks of the brass
\nAs totally lacking in class.
\nThe woodwinds, meanwhile,
\nJust sit there and smile;
\nThey\u2019re high on some really good grass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bindy Bitterman,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Kirk Miller, Walter Daum, John Cooney, Margie Nairn, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Jesse Levy,<\/a> Tim James, and Steve Benko.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SCREEN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Bindy Bitterman:<\/p>\n

\nLittle Mikey was charming, but MEAN!
\nHe detested the guy Ma was seein\u2019.
\nBut he smiled and he beckoned
\nAnd at the last second
\nPushed the guy Mama liked through the screen!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He apparently wanted to preen;
\nHis member was flashed on her screen.
\nShe answered \u201cOh wow,
\nI\u2019m watching it now;
\nYour pinky\u2019s the cutest I\u2019ve seen!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Believe me, I really don\u2019t mean
\nTo sound Luddite. But many a teen
\nHas been taught to insist
\nThat is doesn\u2019t exist
\nIf it doesn\u2019t appear on a screen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

To decipher and know what words mean
\nCan be hard, as I\u2019m sure you have seen.
\nThere\u2019s a word that I know
\nWhich means \u201chide\u201d — also \u201cshow\u201d —
\nContradictory meanings of \u201cscreen.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Walter Daum:<\/p>\n

A drone-guiding, fearless marine
\nWas fighting an evil unseen.
\nHe stormed into battle,
\nFor no foe could rattle
\nA man armed with keyboard and screen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Cooney:<\/p>\n

My revealing audition on screen
\nAroused the Producer, so keen,
\nWho had one single question,
\nWell, more a suggestion:
\n\u201cPlease tell me you\u2019re over sixteen!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Margie Nairn: <\/p>\n

We bought a gigantic TV;
\nHi-Def, it\u2019s the best it can be!
\nBut the set has a sheen
\nThat reflects off the screen,
\nSo there\u2019s no bloody way you can see!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WIND INSTRUMENTS LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

I play bagpipes; I’m always in sync.
\nYet sometimes I sit down and think:
\nHow good could I be?
\nCuz most people agree
\nI sound best when they’ve had a stiff drink.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cGrasp it firmly with both hands,” he said.
\n\u201cNow go down on it, lower your head,
\nPurse your lips, and then blow.
\nAh, that\u2019s lovely! Just so!\u201d
\n… She was learning the flute \u2013 you misread?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

What\u2019s that terrible sound, like a dozen
\nBig blowflies contentedly buzzin\u2019
\n\u2019Round the ass of a horse?
\nWhy, a Krummhorn, of course:
\nThe kazoo\u2019s less agreeable cousin!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

\nWhen away from my trusty spittoon
\nOn the stage where I play the bassoon,
\nThe saliva that drips
\nThrough the reeds from my lips
\nTurns the sound of each note into ruin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

\u201cMen, horny?\u201d My friend shook her head;
\n\u201cWe should call them \u2018tromboney\u2019 instead,
\nFor the young ones take pride
\nIn the length of their slide…
\nAnd the old ones? They\u2019re sackbuts,\u201d she said.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jesse Levy:<\/p>\n

\nI used to be good on the sax,
\nBut my practice has gotten so lax;
\nWith tonguing and fing’ring
\nI’ve just been maling’ring.
\nMy horniness slipped through the cracks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

An orchestra struck for more pay.
\nTempers flared; threats and anger held sway.
\nThen the woodwinds and brass
\nGot the contract to pass;
\nNon-violins carried the day.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

\nMr. Trumpet, I want you to know
\nThat I feel it is time you should go.
\nWe have done all that jazz,
\nAnd I’ll think of you as
\nA nice fella who I used to blow.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

With the proper equipment for Scuba,
\nYou could almost dive into a tuba.
\nAll its depths you\u2019d explore
\nTill a musical score
\nCaused its owner to blow you to Cuba.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A bagpiper, Argus McDiffy
\nWas marching so proud and quite spiffy.
\nBut wind gusts would come,
\nThus revealing his bum;
\nAlong with a crowd-pleasing stiffy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I asked if she wanted to feel
\nMy instrument. \u201cSure!\u201d With great zeal,
\nShe fingered and blew it.
\nFrom this I intuit
\nI\u2019ve still got that ol\u2019 sax appeal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Mosquitoes just laugh at my screen; They somehow get through it unseen, And night after night As they swarm in to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5302,4003,4465,5106,2434,5301,3284,5009,5018,5144,5200,5080,3167,5300,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41933"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41933"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41933\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41977,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41933\/revisions\/41977"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41933"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41933"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41933"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}