{"id":41816,"date":"2019-06-15T22:08:57","date_gmt":"2019-06-16T02:08:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41816"},"modified":"2019-06-15T22:14:16","modified_gmt":"2019-06-16T02:14:16","slug":"limerick-off-award-324","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/06\/15\/limerick-off-award-324\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (324)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

An airliner flushing its can
\nFlew over a sports-loving man.
\nWhile watching the game,
\nThrough his roof it all came;
\nAnd that\u2019s how the shit hit the fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Dave notes that this actually happened during a 1992 Seahawks\/Raiders game.)<\/p>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER,<\/a> who wins the Special PEST-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Before you kill rodents, it’s best
\nTo consider who’s host and who’s guest.
\nFrom their point of view
\nIt’s most certainly true
\nThat you and not they are the pest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Charles Mousseau, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Ailsa McKillop, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, David Miller, Roger Haugen, and Bruce McGuffin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cFAN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PEST LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I bought and installed a big fan.
\n\u201cKeeps mosquitoes away,\u201d said the man.
\nThey were false guarantees,
\nFor the pests loved the breeze,
\nAnd the bloodsucking banquet began.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said an angry, disgruntled ex-fan:
\n\u201cThat swamp-draining promise? Oh, man!
\nInstead of de-pested,
\nThe swamp\u2019s more infested
\nThan even the day you began!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FAN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Charles Mousseau:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sweltering on this divan;
\nSwirl the air just as fast as you can,\u201d
\nShe begged of her friend,
\nWho declined in the end,
\nWith \u201cI\u2019m sorry; I\u2019m just not a fan.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

An autograph-seeker named Stan
\nTo invade a star’s flat had a plan:
\nHe had come there, said he,
\n“To replace your A\/C” —
\nWhich made sense, because Stan was a fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Herb the gardener couldn\u2019t abide
\nThat he got no sweet love from his bride.
\nShe hooked up with a man
\nWho\u2019s a big oral fan.
\nConsequently, she tossed Herbicide.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

In twenty-sixteen when he ran,
\nThe fall of our nation began.
\nThe fires of hate
\nDid NOT make us great
\nBut consumed us as Trump held the fan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ailsa McKillop, who notes that this is a true story about thinking one’s found a fellow Gilbert & Sullivan enthusiast:<\/p>\n

The ticket evoked old Japan;
\nA geisha it showed, with a fan.
\n\u201c\u2018The Mikado!\u2019 The best!\u201d
\nBut the judge said: “You jest!
\nIt’s Puccini, La Scala, Milan.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

On his feet sore from bone spurs, he ran
\nFrom that war. (He was never a fan.)
\nAn excuse, finely crafted,
\nMeant Trump wasn’t drafted,
\nAnd taught him that lies make the man.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PEST LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

Settle down! It is only a roach!
\nJust do this: As he makes his approach
\nUp your thigh toward your tush,
\nAnd then heads for your bush,
\nGrab the Raid Spray and dole out a dose!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Not the blood, not the frogs, not the lice,
\nNor wild beasts and diseases not nice,
\nCould faze Pharaoh \u2014 but when
\nHe hit Plague #10,
\nHe grew weary of paying the price.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

With pests that are big, you say, “SHOO,”
\nBut when they are small, that’s not true;
\nIn our water bed we
\nThought there might be a flea
\nWhen we noticed a tiny canoe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Miller: <\/p>\n

I have smoked hairy spiders and slugs.
\nI have snorted crushed beetles off rugs.
\nI’ve injected some bees
\nAnd I’ve popped lots of fleas.
\nYes I should have just said “no” to bugs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I once knew a fellow named Riley
\nWhose bosses regarded him highly.
\nI thought him a pest
\n\u2019Cause of what he did best:
\nKissing management\u2019s butts very slyly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

The cops made a slew of arrests
\nIn notorious criminal nests;
\nWhen asked why the fuss,
\nThe Chief said \u201cThat\u2019s us\u2013
\n“We detest those pestiferous pests.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce McGuffin: <\/p>\n

I’m a garrulous poetry rogue on
\nMy way to verse worse than a Vogon.
\nMy iambs suggest
\nOut-of-whack anapest.
\nWould it help if I put a fake brogue on?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Who thought of the words “Pest Control?”
\nI think they are laughingly droll.
\nWith these bugs I’m not thrilled,
\nAnd I just want them killed,
\nBut to govern them isn’t my role.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: An airliner flushing its can Flew over a sports-loving man. While watching the game, Through his roof it all came; And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3559,4003,5258,5292,4465,5291,3523,5106,5009,5018,5144,2537,5239,5052,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41816"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41816"}],"version-history":[{"count":35,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41816\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41865,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41816\/revisions\/41865"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41816"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41816"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41816"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}