{"id":41695,"date":"2019-05-18T22:54:34","date_gmt":"2019-05-19T02:54:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41695"},"modified":"2019-05-18T22:54:34","modified_gmt":"2019-05-19T02:54:34","slug":"limerick-off-award-322","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/05\/18\/limerick-off-award-322\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (322)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

She was short, came from Maine, and she drank,
\nBut by golly, in bed she could crank.
\nHer man\u2019s love life was flat,
\nBut she cured him of that.
\nAll he needed was one little Yank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special Intimidation-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick, which is also a Crank-Rhyme limerick:<\/p>\n

The lenders who ran Deutsche Bank
\nDecided to finance a crank;
\nA son of a bitch
\nWho claimed he was rich,
\nThough his bankruptcy record just stank.<\/p>\n

Perhaps they were cowed by his power
\nAnd funded his ego-fueled tower.
\nThough they used other words,
\nThe deal soon turned to turds,
\nAnd the stench sent them all to the shower.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Craig Dykstra, Bruce McGuffin, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jack Ritter,<\/a> Tim James, Jean McEwen, Ken Gosse, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CRANK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The Donald, a clown and a crank,
\nPlayed Russian Roulette as a prank.
\nBut no harm was done
\nWhen he fired the gun —
\nBoth his brain and the bullet were blank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Craig Dykstra:<\/p>\n

Looks like Mad is becoming a crank;
\nAnd her patience runs thin, to be frank.
\nThis lim-writing geezer
\nWould like to appease her
\nBut my brain keeps on drawing a … um … damn.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce McGuffin:<\/p>\n

Donald T. went on Twitter to crank
\nThat his businesses didn\u2019t all tank.
\n\u201cFor plebeians a loss
\nMay be bad but a boss
\nLike me laughs all the way to the bank.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Shelton Hoffman:<\/p>\n

A seafaring man was a crank,
\nAnd the crew finally yelled, \u201cWalk the plank!\u201d
\nHe died still complaining
\nBecause it was raining,
\nWhile into the water he sank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jack Ritter:<\/p>\n

Kane said the last word must be \u201ccrank.\u201d
\nSo I tried, but I just drew a blank.
\nYou rivals, I\u2019ve heard,
\nHave solved the last word.
\nNo doubt, you will earn higher rank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy sex life is over!\u201d moaned Hank.
\n\u201cI guess I forgot how to wank.\u201d
\nSaid his old buddy, Buck,
\n\u201cWell, it\u2019s just like my truck —
\nTo start it up, give it a crank.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A man who was known as a crank
\nGave a woman a pat on the flank.
\nWhat she said was so foul
\nIn her subsequent howl,
\nTo convey it, I\u2019d have to say [blank].<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INTIMIDATION-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

That Black Angus is pawing the ground
\nAs if warning: \u201cBeware \u2013 I\u2019m unbound!\u201d
\nBut I\u2019m simply unbowed–
\nWon\u2019t be bullied or cowed
\nBy that stare or that loud snorting sound.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n

You’ll fail to intimidate me,
\nThough you stare while I water this tree,
\nBecause I must make haste
\nIn displacing the waste
\nOf traditional afternoon tea.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

\nI QUIT! I have reached the finality!
\nI’m lost in my quest for normality!
\nWhat intimidates me
\n(It’s now so clear to see)
\nIs ev-er-y part of reality.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Multitalented polyglot Sue\u2019s
\nGot a math Ph.D. Her IQ\u2019s
\nGenius-level, sky-high.
\nBut that threatened her guy,
\nSo he now dates a gal at Fox News.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: She was short, came from Maine, and she drank, But by golly, in bed she could crank. Her man\u2019s love life […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,5258,2690,3523,5276,2281,5106,4842,5009,5018,5144,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41695"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41695"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41738,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41695\/revisions\/41738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}