{"id":41584,"date":"2019-04-20T22:00:19","date_gmt":"2019-04-21T02:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41584"},"modified":"2019-04-20T22:04:32","modified_gmt":"2019-04-21T02:04:32","slug":"limerick-off-award-320","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/04\/20\/limerick-off-award-320\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (320)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not apathetic,\u201d said Lydia.
\n\u201cThat is not why I have to get rid o\u2019 ya.
\nSo don\u2019t be confused
\nIf I seem unenthused;
\nIt\u2019s cause YOU fucking gave me chlamydia!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special LEMON-Themed Limerick Award for this clever acrostic limerick:<\/p>\n

\n L<\/strong>ow in fat, rich in vitamin C,
\nE<\/strong>specially good with iced tea;
\nM<\/strong>ust try it on fish
\nO<\/strong>r a nice salad dish.
\nN<\/strong>ot to worry; lots more on the tree!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sim Smailes, Tim James, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Ken Gosse, Kirk Miller, Steve Benko,<\/a> Kat Irving,<\/a> Alan Hochbaum, Brian Allgar,<\/a> and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FUSED\/CONFUSED” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sim Smailes:<\/p>\n

Led Zepp’lin could not be accused
\nOf letting themselves be abused.
\nYet one angry fan
\nLet fly with a pan
\nAnd left them all “Dazed and Confused.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A dude was extremely confused
\nWhen he heard the term \u201ccowpuncher\u201d used.
\nHe thought: \u201cPunch? Is that how
\nI get milk from that cow?\u201d
\nSo he tried it. That bull\u2019s not amused.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

I went to sleep happy. It’s done!
\nThe end of Trump’s day in the sun!
\nI was shocked and confused
\nWhen I woke and perused
\nThe papers. The bastard had won!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Sweet Granny was very enthused
\nAnd eager to read \u201cThe Accused.\u201d
\nWhen I said, \u201cIt\u2019s online,\u201d
\nShe remarked, \u201cThat sounds fine;
\nBut where is the book? I\u2019m confused.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

“Your Honor,” he said, “I’m confused;
\nWas there something I missed while I snoozed?
\nThe attorneys are boring.
\nThat’s why I was snoring.”
\nSo the judge glared and said, “You’re excused.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“EYES” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I looked deep into Stephanie\u2019s eyes,
\nAnd I knew she\u2019d been telling me lies.
\n\u2019Twas a blow to my pride
\nThat she felt, deep inside,
\nI fell short of her standards for size.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse: <\/p>\n

I become quite confused when I write,
\nOnce my brain cells have fused for the night.
\nBut that\u2019s not a surprise,
\nSince the blur in my eyes
\nComes from lemonade, whiskey, and Sprite.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

My old teacher was not very wise;
\nShe would drink and steal all the supplies.
\nAnd as blitzed as could be,
\nShe insisted that we
\nDot our t’s and then cross all our eyes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Said a young buxom gal to two guys,
\n\u201cWhat I say should be no big surprise.
\nHere’s what I would like best
\nTo get off my chest:
\nIt’s simple — your four staring eyes.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

We made contact at first with our eyes,
\nThen in bed came her passionate cries;
\nBy this Hollywood star
\nI got blown in my car.
\nWhat? You think that I\u2019m telling you lies?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kat Irving:<\/p>\n

As she dances, I watch my sweet prize.
\nShe has tender, young breasts; meaty thighs.
\nI\u2019m a cannibal, me,
\nAnd all I can see
\nIs a truly great feast for the eyes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LEMON LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Alan Hochbaum: <\/p>\n

Oh, let me not stammer nor hedge
\n\u2019Bout my clunker that froze like a veg;
\nWhen I next need a lift
\nMy new model will shift…
\nAnd that, folks, is my lemon pledge.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She sliced lemons to rub on her chest,
\nNeck and shoulders, then made a request
\nOf her man: \u201cBe a peach;
\nRub the parts I can\u2019t reach.\u201d
\nIt\u2019s a task he\u2019s approaching with zest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cThem \u2018oranges\u2019 Darwin invented?
\nThe guy musta been quite demented.
\nHis theory is feces \u2013
\n\u2018The Lemons of Species\u2019
\nWould make as much sense,\u201d Trump dissented.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

I owned a mid-Seventies car;
\nIt managed to show me how far
\n(With handles that broke
\nAnd performance a joke),
\nThat Mustang had lowered the bar.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

My favorite flavor of Jell-O
\nIs orange; it makes me feel mellow.
\nThe name of that fruit
\nIs its color (how cute!)
\nSo why ain’t a lemon called “yellow?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: \u201cI am not apathetic,\u201d said Lydia. \u201cThat is not why I have to get rid o\u2019 ya. So don\u2019t be confused […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3751,4003,4465,5187,3523,5221,4842,3284,5009,5018,5144,2537,5240,5080,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41584"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41584"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41584\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41642,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41584\/revisions\/41642"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41584"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41584"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41584"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}