{"id":41516,"date":"2019-04-07T02:20:13","date_gmt":"2019-04-07T06:20:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41516"},"modified":"2019-04-10T15:10:59","modified_gmt":"2019-04-10T19:10:59","slug":"limerick-off-award-319","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/04\/07\/limerick-off-award-319\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (319)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to THOMAS VINCENT, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick:<\/p>\n

Tough love may be fine when you\u2019re grown,
\nBut for children, best leave it alone;
\nIf you raise kids or chard
\nWith a heart that is hard,
\nYou will soon reap just what you have sown.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special DIVORCE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A newlywed couple I know
\nWill divorce in a few weeks or so.
\nWhat\u2019s the cause of their split?
\nHe\u2019s not yet found her clit.
\nIf he can\u2019t make her come, then she\u2019ll go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said King Henry, \u201cI\u2019m dying to wed
\nAnne Boleyn \u2013 she gives really great head.
\nSo first I must ditch
\nMy last wife – frigid bitch!
\nBut the Pope says ‘You\u2019re married till dead.'”<\/p>\n

“I\u2019ve begged him until I am hoarse,
\nBut he simply won\u2019t budge. Well, of course,
\nI am nobody\u2019s dope \u2013
\nI\u2019ve outsmarted the Pope
\nBy inventing a thing called \u2018Divorce.'”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, David Reddekopp,<\/a> Steve Benko<\/a>, Margie Nairn, Tim James, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Roger Haugen, Jean McEwen, Kat Irving<\/a> and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“GROWN or GROAN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

When ice cream is sold in a cone
\nThat can’t hold a scoop on its own,
\nLet alone two or three
\nI’ll say “Kids’ size for me,”
\nAnd ignore how much up I have grown.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve made lim’ricks an art all my own
\nAnd as time has gone on, it has shown
\nThat my poetry runs
\nWith many more puns
\nAs my lim’rick collection has groan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

\nMy children are now fully grown,
\nBut I still don\u2019t much care for their tone.
\nBy me they\u2019re embarrassed,
\nAnd visits? The rarest,
\nExcept when in need of a loan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Margie Nairn:<\/p>\n

She hopped from the bed with a groan:
\n“Where\u2019s that condom? It seems to have flown!”
\n“Don\u2019t be daft,” said her mate.
\n“But please rush! Oops, too late,”
\nHe said with a smile and a moan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A misogynist let out a groan
\nAt how \u201cugly\u201d he found an old \u201ccrone.\u201d
\nNo one\u2019s told the big creep
\nBeauty\u2019s only skin deep;
\nAs for stupid, that goes to the bone.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

When Trump showed the hooker his bone,
\nShe giggled. \u201cThink THAT can be blown?\u201d
\nReturning his dough,
\nShe said \u201cYou\u2019d better go –
\nCome back when your dick\u2019s fully grown.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

That document sure made me groan;
\nIt’s wording, to me, was unknown.
\nSo I saw Rabbi Hunt,
\nAnd he read back to front.
\nThen explained The Reverse Mortgage Loan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A stripper club dancer is known
\nTo bring down the house on her own.
\nHer circle of fans
\nNever sit on their hands;
\nShe\u2019s seen how its members have grown.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

A pun’s like a seedling that’s sown,
\nSo fragile, its future’s unknown.
\nMost die in the ground,
\nBut sometimes it’s found
\nThat a pun will survive till full groan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Roger Haugen:<\/p>\n

The athlete delivered a groan
\nWhen struck in the crotch by a stone;
\nLike all macho jocks
\nHe\u2019s proud of his rocks:
\n\u201cThey’re the most precious things that I own.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DIVORCE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s made off with the dogs and the house,
\nYet he still feels empowered to grouse
\nThat I wouldn\u2019t condone
\nHis crass cheating (well known)\u2013
\nAs if I, and not he, were the louse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

Our love for each other was true.
\nWe were married. Our love only grew.
\nBut the day she said “MAGA!”
\nOur amorous saga
\nWas over. Our marriage was through.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

For years I was suff’ring with grief.
\nI’ll tell you my story, real brief:
\nI got wed (then remorse),
\nSo I got a d-i-v-o-r-c-e,
\nAnd that is how I spelled relief.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

Said Henry the Eighth, \u201cMy new church
\nLeaves no man with a plan in the lurch.
\nIf your wife gives you grief,
\nYou can turn a new leaf
\nAnd be free while for pussy you search.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kat Irving:<\/p>\n

He cried when the judge looked his way.
\n“Divorce me?” he groaned in dismay.
\nThen the judge wiped his tear
\nWith my checkbook. It\u2019s clear
\nThat my Ex won the jackpot that day.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Though both of the Cyclops did try
\nHard to make marriage work, theirs did die;
\nSaid the new divorcee,
\n\u201cWe just couldn\u2019t agree
\nAt all. Didn\u2019t see eye to eye.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to THOMAS VINCENT, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick: Tough love may be fine when you\u2019re grown, But for children, best leave it alone; If you raise kids or chard […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,5106,5221,3284,5009,5018,5144,5200,2537,5239,5080,3369,5172,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41516"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41516"}],"version-history":[{"count":40,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41581,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41516\/revisions\/41581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}