{"id":41425,"date":"2019-03-09T23:44:08","date_gmt":"2019-03-10T03:44:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41425"},"modified":"2019-03-09T23:57:05","modified_gmt":"2019-03-10T03:57:05","slug":"limerick-off-award-317","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/03\/09\/limerick-off-award-317\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (317)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

He gave scullers a recommendation
\nThat they ought to use synchronization
\nTo improve their boat\u2019s speed,
\nBecause what rowers need
\nIs a great deal of co-oar-dination.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the Special POULTRY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My chicken was glum in her coop;
\nShe was coughing and had a bad croup.
\nSo we called Doc Elixir,
\nWho told us to fix\u2019er
\nBy giving her hot people soup.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Charles Simmons, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Tim James, Victor Hood, John Shardlow, Thomas Vincent, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Kat Irving,<\/a> Michael Moulton, Jean McEwen, and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Charles Simmons:<\/p>\n

A knight galloped up on his steed
\nTo rescue a maiden in need.
\nBut his horse hit a rut,
\nHe lit on his butt,
\nAnd the fair damsel laughed till she peed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A baker\u2019s assistant must heed
\nInstructions to get up to speed.
\nNow here\u2019s my advice:
\nBe direct and concise;
\nThen give them the dough that they knead.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

My Prof warned, \u201cThere\u2019s one thing you need
\nIn order to be PhDed:
\nYour thesis committee
\nMust grill without pity.
\nIt\u2019s time that you be third-degreed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

\nIn “Defense Class” the ladies agreed
\nTo follow the famed Kick-Box Creed:
\n“Keep real careful watch,
\nGo right for the crotch,
\nAnd make sure he is properly kneed.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A guy with a strong carnal need
\nTold the girls who showed up for the deed:
\n\u201cWhat I want, I don\u2019t know.
\nLet\u2019s just go with the flow.\u201d
\nSince the gals were Trump hookers, they peed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Victor Hood:<\/p>\n

She said to me, \u201cI\u2019m in great need
\nOf a very large dose of some speed.
\nThough my body is yours,
\nTo get into my drawers
\nThe deal is the speed for the deed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Shardlow:<\/p>\n

The Lord said to Onan, \u201cIndeed,
\nI\u2019ll slay you for spilling your seed.\u201d
\nHe replied \u201cThere\u2019s no waste;
\nIt\u2019s wallpaper paste.
\nIt happens when I feel the knead.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

An indigent baker named Reid,
\nMade loaves with some illegal weed.
\nSoon the profits did grow;
\nHe was rolling in dough.
\nNot bad for a baker in knead.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (POULTRY LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Doctor Spooner had verbal bad luck,
\nFor his tongue all too often got stuck,
\nAnd he gave them a shock
\nAt the rest’rant \u201cThai Wok\u201d –
\nHe\u2019d intended to order Fried Duck.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kat Irving:<\/p>\n

The handsome young rooster was loosed
\nOn the young of the brood. He seduced
\nA hen called Matilda.
\nThe shock nearly killed her!
\nHis chickens will come home to roost.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

A handsome young chicken named Fred
\nTried to charm all the hens in the shed;
\nHe said \u201cI\u2019m a great cock.\u201d
\nBut the hens in the flock
\nSaw that he was a capon and fled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

The detective, his face in a scowl,
\nAt the murder scene let out a growl:
\n\u201cThese dead turkeys and chickens \u2015
\nThe sight of them sickens!
\nIndeed, this is murder most fowl!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I enjoy a nice partridge or pheasant;
\nThough small, they are tasty and pleasant.
\nBut when I am starving,
\nI\u2019d rather be carving
\nA swan, which I\u2019m eating at present.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

As a vegan, I follow a creed:
\nI shall never eat poultry; indeed,
\nEven eggs are taboo,
\nSo I\u2019ve really no clue
\nWhy those fowl all cry foul when I feed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My poultry plant foreman averred
\nThat I\u2019m worthless. He spat out each word:
\n\u201cIf that hen you just plucked
\nIsn\u2019t spotless, you\u2019re f*#%ed!
\nGive it here!\u201d So I flipped him the bird.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

The chicken was mad and it showed:
\n\u201cI\u2019m old and forgetful,\u201d it crowed.
\n\u201cForgotten have I
\nThe whole reason why
\nI crossed this proverbial road.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: He gave scullers a recommendation That they ought to use synchronization To improve their boat\u2019s speed, Because what rowers need Is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,5222,4465,5187,3523,5106,5173,5221,3284,5009,5018,5144,3621,5172,3167,5220,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41425"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41425"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41425\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41478,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41425\/revisions\/41478"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41425"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41425"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41425"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}