{"id":41360,"date":"2019-02-23T23:27:09","date_gmt":"2019-02-24T03:27:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41360"},"modified":"2019-02-24T13:46:27","modified_gmt":"2019-02-24T17:46:27","slug":"limerick-off-award-316","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/02\/23\/limerick-off-award-316\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (316)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny verse, which is both a Deal-rhyme limerick and an Argument-themed limerick:<\/p>\n

Though the guy had seduction in view,
\nShe had argued the whole evening through.
\nAt the end of the meal,
\nShe explained: \u201cHere\u2019s the deal \u2013
\nIf you want me, my girl-friend comes too.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ARGUMENT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

People argue online quite a bit;
\nMany tweets are just quarrelsome shit.
\nI have one thing to say
\nAbout Twitter today:
\nThe emphasis lies on the \u201cTwit.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN and CRAIG DYKSTRA, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

“Let’s play cards,” said my date. “Look, I’ll deal
\nOne card each; if you lose, you must peel.”
\nHe drew ten; I drew nine;
\nHe snapped “Well?” I said “Fine!” —
\nAnd prepared all the spuds for our meal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Craig Dykstra:<\/p>\n

Then he said \u201cI propose something greater:
\nTo your sexual whims I will cater.
\nSkip the kitchen ordeal,
\nWe\u2019ll make love with great zeal \u2013
\nAnd if time allows, cook taters later!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Lisi Nortman, John Shardlow, Tim James, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Thomas Vincent, Doug Harris, Victor Hood, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Byron Miller, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Jean McEwen, and Margie Nairn. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cDEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ARGUMENT LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

“I’ll make dinner all week,” said my spouse,
\n“If you let me off cleaning the house.”
\n“Are you crazy? No deal!
\nYour idea of a meal
\nIs cold hot dogs! Start scrubbing, you louse!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone, for her acrostic limerick: <\/p>\n

A<\/strong> tiff can be quite an ordeal.
\nR<\/strong>emember it takes time to heal.
\nG<\/strong>et a bottle of wine;
\nU<\/strong>ncork — don’t decline.
\nE<\/strong>nd your fight and go have a nice meal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

John Shardlow:<\/p>\n

A money mad girl from Great Billing
\nWas for coins of the realm always willing;
\nFor just three pence, the deal
\nWould give you a feel.
\nNow think what she\u2019d do for a shilling!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

You think Stone has cojones? Get real.
\nHe\u2019ll take one look at Mueller and deal.
\nWhen he\u2019s finished, this crook
\nWill have written a book
\nWith the title \u201cThe Art of the Squeal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The hooker gave Donald her spiel:
\n\u201cOh, your penis is simply ideal!
\nWhat a wonderful dick!
\nNot too long, not too thick!”
\n(Thinks: “It\u2019s more of a snack than a meal.”)\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

The truth has become an ordeal,
\nAnd the facts have all lost their appeal.
\nLike Salvador Dali,
\nYou betcha by golly,
\nReality\u2019s turning surreal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris: <\/p>\n

“Two-for-one on new lenses, a steal,”
\nThe optometrist said with appeal,
\nThrough his monocle stare.
\n“I buy mine by the pair,”
\nI replied. “So it’s hardly eye-deal!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Victor Hood:<\/p>\n

The neophyte gambler had zeal,
\nSo he said to the dealer, \u201cJust deal!\u201d
\nWith his purse soon consumed,
\nHe said as he fumed:
\n\u201cThis game has lost all its appeal.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

I have heard people say, “Wheel and deal,”
\nAnd I know the word “deal” to be real.
\nIn commonplace jargon
\nIt just means to bargain,
\nBut what does it mean when we “wheel”?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Achilles got quite the raw deal:
\nHe got shot in the foot. The appeal
\nWent from Greece to on high:
\n\u201cO you gods! Will he die?\u201d
\nThe response from Olympus: \u201cYes, he\u2019ll.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

Social media\u2019s such an ordeal;
\nIt compels me to tweet how I feel.
\nNow I can\u2019t sit alone
\nWithout holding my phone
\nAnd I won\u2019t face a book that is real.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ARGUMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman: <\/p>\n

The toilet roll\u2019s really a wonder
\nWhen properly pulled from way under.
\nBut John turned it around,
\nSo it dropped to the ground,
\nAnd that is what tore us asunder.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

They went to a party last night
\nThat led to a late-evening fight.
\nHis wandering eyes
\nEarned a painful surprise:
\n\u201cThe couch!\u201d as she reached for the light.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman: <\/p>\n

Ann Marie argued daily with Joel,
\nWho would leave the seat up on the bowl.
\nJoel had to leave town
\nOn the day Ann sat down
\nAnd got her ass wedged in the hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judith H. Block: <\/p>\n

The bistro had soft candle lighting.
\nHer smile was come-hither, inviting.
\nBut her throat got a lump
\nWhen he praised Donald Trump,
\nAnd they ended up angry and fighting.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Do you think I should marry my beau?
\nThere are arguments — both con and pro.
\nHe\u2019s obnoxious and loud,
\nBut he\u2019s SO well endowed,
\nAnd it\u2019s hard to resist all of that dough.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

They sometimes may quarrel at night;
\nDeclaring who\u2019s wrong and who\u2019s right.
\nBut then he will say
\n\u201cLet\u2019s just call it a day.\u201d
\nHe would much rather dicker than fight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Margie Nairn: <\/p>\n

I\u2019m done with the Sunday talk shows
\nThat feature political foes.
\nThey will argue and spin
\nOver which one will win,
\nWhen the truth is that nobody knows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny verse, which is both a Deal-rhyme limerick and an Argument-themed limerick: Though the guy had seduction in view, She had argued the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,2578,2690,4465,5187,3362,5106,5173,3570,5009,5018,5144,5200,2537,5052,5172,3167,5220,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41360"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41360"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41360\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41422,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41360\/revisions\/41422"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}