{"id":41300,"date":"2019-02-09T21:46:01","date_gmt":"2019-02-10T01:46:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41300"},"modified":"2019-02-09T22:00:19","modified_gmt":"2019-02-10T02:00:19","slug":"limerick-off-award-315","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/02\/09\/limerick-off-award-315\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (315)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a pessimist. Let me explain,
\nSo I don\u2019t have to say it again:
\nIn the tunnel, my friend
\nIs a light at the end \u2013
\nWhich belongs to an oncoming train.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special LIGHTING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

All was darkness. Then \u201cLet there be light!\u201d
\nEarth was formed, and the darkness took flight.
\nIf in light we\u2019re created
\nAs Scripture has stated,
\nThen why isn\u2019t Man very bright?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special ACROSTIC Limerick Award, given occasionally to a clever acrostic limerick:<\/p>\n

P<\/strong>lease don’t be afraid on my plane.
\nI<\/strong>t is safe. You’ll be fine. Just remain.
\nL<\/strong>eave the flying to me.
\nO<\/strong>FF WE GO! And you’ll see
\nT<\/strong>hat tomorrow, we’ll all be in Spain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

What a marvelous thing is a dimmer!
\nOn the days I feel older and grimmer,
\nI just turn it down low,
\nMake my wrinkles all go,
\nAnd look younger and slimmer and trimmer.<\/p>\n

If there’s something to mend, fix or tie,
\nI can just turn the dimmer up high
\nAnd produce enough light
\nTo set anything right
\nAnd ensure I’ll get by if I try.<\/p>\n

Yes, the dimmer is grand altogether,
\nFor both higher light levels and nether \u2013
\nBut I’d be more content
\nIf kind souls would invent
\nMe a dimmer to tether the weather.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to MARK KANE and DIANE GROOTHUIS, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Mark Kane:<\/p>\n

Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
\nWith their will to abstain on the wain,
\nThey soon met in the loo
\nFor a slow urgent screw,
\nThen toasted their lust with champagne.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

The passengers thought it was plain
\nThat sobriety was on the wane
\nWhen they stood in the queue
\nTo go to the loo,
\nHearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Kane:<\/p>\n

They heard banging again and again,
\nAs they waited inside to deplane.
\nAnd once out of wine,
\nWith their lust in decline,
\nThey were scared, so they chose to remain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(Mark and Diane’s limerick exchange continued into several more verses. You can read the entire limerick repartee exchange here.<\/a>)<\/p>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Fred Bortz<\/a> and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cPLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LIGHTING LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Says Trump, \u201cWhat\u2019s that light in the sky?
\nIt\u2019s too bright, and I\u2019m starting to fry.\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s the sun,\u201d they explain.
\n\u201cThat\u2019s a lie! I maintain
\nThat my son is no brighter than I.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A fellow who lived in Champaign
\n(That\u2019s a town on an Illinois plain)
\nSaid, \u201cThis place ain\u2019t all that.
\nIt\u2019s cold and it\u2019s flat
\nLike my ex \u2015 but costs less to maintain.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

La Guardia! Where is our plane?
\nWe thought we were going to Spain!
\nWe slept on the floor,
\nHeard obnoxious jerks snore.
\nNext vacation. To Disney. By train!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

All these people are boarding this train
\nFor two weeks in the sunshine of Spain.
\nWhat they haven\u2019t been told
\nIs it\u2019s wet and it\u2019s cold;
\nBut that\u2019s fine, cuz they like to complain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Hoffman says:<\/p>\n

The cows have lined up to complain
\nThat the bulls are too hard to restrain.
\nThe cows want a pen
\nWithout any men…
\nTo give them a chance to abstain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

We looked up at the sky. (Was it rain?)
\nIt went fast, and our eyes felt a strain.
\nWas it Superman? NO!
\nWas it birds? (Not in snow.)
\nThere it IS! Oh my GOD! It’s a PLANE!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A couple got onto a plane;
\nAirborne nookie they yearned to attain.
\nNeither one had a clue
\nHow to screw in a loo.
\nSo they winged it, to mutual gain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cDrunk again?\u201d is her constant refrain.
\nShe derides all attempts to explain.
\nIt were better, I think,
\nTo forswear further drink,
\nThan to suffer that woman\u2019s disdain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James for his Acrostic:<\/p>\n

I<\/strong>t\u2019s becoming increasingly plain:
\nD<\/strong>onald Trump\u2019s so-called \u201cvery good brain\u201d
\nI<\/strong>sn\u2019t all it should be.
\nO<\/strong>n the contrary, he
\nT<\/strong>weets and rants like a man gone insane.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIGHTING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cSoft music, dim lighting, and you…
\nYou\u2019re the love of my life. It is true,
\nWhen I see you, I\u2019m dazed,\u201d
\nMurmured Trump as he gazed
\nIn the mirror, his favorite view.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Thank goodness this room\u2019s dimly lit
\nSo my boyfriend can\u2019t quite see the zit
\nOn the tip of my nose
\nThat through makeup still shows.
\n(If he saw it, then surely he\u2019d split.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

With agents and flashlights galore,
\nNow Roger is part of the score.
\nSince Mueller\u2019s so near,
\nTrump just might need to fear
\nThat 6 A.M. bang on the door.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judith H. Block: <\/p>\n

It seems that some guys need enlightening;
\nTheir view is dismaying – needs brightening.
\nBeauty comes in all sizes.
\nThey’re in for surprises;
\nSmall gals can give pleasure quite heightening.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

The spotlights illumine the stage
\nWhere the despot will soon stand and rage.
\nBut the nation takes note,
\nAnd soon we will vote
\nThat the time\u2019s come to turn a new page.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Val Fish: <\/p>\n

He\u2019d attempted to set the right mood;
\nSoft music, the lighting subdued.
\nBut it all went to pot
\nWith chili, too hot;
\nSeveral trips to the toilet ensued.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Trump\u2019s shutdown is all about him
\nKowtowing to fright-wingers\u2019 whim.
\nFed workers are stuck
\nAll because of this schmuck,
\nWhose bulb runs no brighter than dim.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I\u2019m a pessimist. Let me explain, So I don\u2019t have to say it again: In the tunnel, my friend Is a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,2747,3523,2281,5106,3570,5009,5018,5144,175,5052,3167,5145,4084,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41300"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41300"}],"version-history":[{"count":44,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41356,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41300\/revisions\/41356"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}