{"id":41238,"date":"2019-01-19T23:04:53","date_gmt":"2019-01-20T03:04:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41238"},"modified":"2019-01-19T23:16:07","modified_gmt":"2019-01-20T03:16:07","slug":"limerick-off-award-314","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/01\/19\/limerick-off-award-314\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (314)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The pirates, a larcenous horde,
\nTook over while storming aboard.
\nA boat crew of nine
\nBound together with twine
\nHeld fast; they were all in a cord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special TREE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said Trump to the hooker, \u201cYou\u2019ll see
\nThat my wood is the size of a tree!\u201d
\nBut when he was nude,
\nShe said \u201cDon\u2019t think me rude –
\nIt looks more like a bonsai to me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN and FRED BORTZ.<\/a> Each of them wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Now we’re old, with bad joints and sore feet,
\nWe find bus rides more bitter than sweet,
\nFor we struggle to board
\nOr reach up for the cord,
\nAnd few youngsters will give us a seat.<\/p>\n

Should we drive? No, that’s hardly a lark:
\nTrees take scary new shapes in the dark.
\nThey cavort in the rain,
\nAnd it’s hard to explain
\nWhy we hit one whenever we park.<\/p>\n

Taking cabs is a strain on the purse,
\nMakes our budget and blood pressure worse \u2013
\nNo, I think we’ll stay in
\nWhere it’s warm, play some gin,
\nDrink some scotch, and write crotchety verse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

As hist’ry will sadly record,
\nA basket of those she deplored
\nDid Hillary in,
\nGiving Donald the win
\nWith votes that could not be ignored.<\/p>\n

His electoral victory scored;
\nHe baited his bigoted horde
\nWith alternate facts
\nThat justified acts
\nOf hatred and evil, untoward.<\/p>\n

There still may be time to reward
\nThis land that we all have adored.
\nIn the year twenty-twenty,
\nLet’s cast votes aplenty.
\nThe outcome must not be encored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz,<\/a> Judith H. Block,<\/a> Jane Shelton Hoffman, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Diane Groothuis, John Shardlow, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cCHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TREE LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz, for his “The Old Oak”<\/p>\n

The couple, in ardent accord,
\nTheir initials in tree bark had scored,
\nLeaving evidence, oaken,
\nOf love never broken.
\nThey’ve aged, yet they know they’re adored.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Judith H. Block: <\/p>\n

He thought that his faux pas was minor.
\nThen he saw all her clothes were designer.
\nAll the hints he ignored;
\nHe sure struck the wrong chord
\nWhen he took her to eat at a diner.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Shelton Hoffman:<\/p>\n

\n\u201cDear Teacher, I tripped on a cord,
\nThen got cut on my brother\u2019s sharp sword.
\nSo no homework today,
\nAnd oh, by the way,
\nI chased after a bull and was gored.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

I would never admit that I snored,
\nSo my wife made recordings \u2013 I\u2019m floored!
\nBeyond doubt, she was right,
\nBut the future is bright \u2013
\nWe\u2019ve discovered a new major chord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

In the 50’s Dad got an award!
\n(His intelligence never ignored)
\nCuz all on his own
\nHe upgraded our phone,
\nBy getting a much longer cord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The cost of their service has soared;
\nSo now I am cutting the cord.
\nWe can still watch TV,
\nOnce I do it for free
\nBy the shed where the woodpile is stored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve discovered I\u2019m now in accord
\nWith a viewpoint I\u2019ve always deplored.
\nI am shocked! What has changed?
\nAm I sick or deranged?
\nNo, it\u2019s worse \u2013 I got lazy and bored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I knew a composer who scored
\nAn op’ra most people ignored
\n\u2019Bout an Army man struck
\nBy a half-track and truck.
\nA-flat major\u2019s its dominant chord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TREE LIMERICK DIVISION) <\/p>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

Those trees that were blocking his view
\nAre suddenly lying askew.
\nOfficials resist
\nHis attempts to insist
\nThat the wind just selectively blew.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Even though you might feel a nice breeze,
\nNever park your car under the trees!
\nCuz when you return
\nYou’ll undoubtedly learn
\nThat the birds have done more than just sneeze.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

His offspring, I’m sure you’ll agree,
\nAre as crooked as President T,
\nGrabbing ill-gotten loot –
\nWhich just shows that the fruit
\nNever falls very far from the tree.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

I checked on my own fam’ly tree
\nTo find who’s related to me.
\nWell I come from good stock,
\nBut it came as a shock
\nThat Dad’s branch didn’t want me to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

There’s a tree that I love in the park.
\nI can find it at night when it’s dark.
\nDogwood’s blossoms and fruit
\nBring delight to my snoot,
\nBut what’s best is the sound of its bark.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Shardlow: <\/p>\n

You gardeners, please make this pledge:
\nWhenever you\u2019re planting a hedge,
\nUsing laurel is dandy,
\nBut shun the leylandii;
\nBetween neighbors it\u2019s driving a wedge.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: (With Apologies To Joyce Kilmer) <\/p>\n

I’ve seen metal that’s also a knee,
\nAnd a card that is also a key.
\nBut I really must say
\nThat there’s no goddamn way
\nThat a poem is also a tree.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t slander my poor hemlock tree.
\nIt\u2019s not poisonous — trust me! You see,
\nIt is not like the plant
\nThat\u2019s called hemlock; it can\u2019t
\nEver hurt you — so no need to flee!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

In Florida, palm trees will sway,
\nWith sunbathers basking all day;
\nSome willing and proud
\nTo be showing the crowd
\nWhat others should never display.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

I think that I never shall see
\nA poem so nice as a tree.
\nProviding good shade,
\nIn Heaven they’re made
\nAnd useful to dogs when they pee.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The pirates, a larcenous horde, Took over while storming aboard. A boat crew of nine Bound together with twine Held fast; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,2747,3523,2281,5106,5173,3570,5009,5018,5144,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41238"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41238"}],"version-history":[{"count":45,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41238\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41295,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41238\/revisions\/41295"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}