{"id":41190,"date":"2019-01-05T22:59:40","date_gmt":"2019-01-06T02:59:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41190"},"modified":"2019-01-05T23:05:19","modified_gmt":"2019-01-06T03:05:19","slug":"limerick-off-award-313","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2019\/01\/05\/limerick-off-award-313\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (313)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

Men are taken with all types of tits \u2013
\nAnd with buttocks. They\u2019re perfect for mitts.
\nWhy would anyone peer
\nAt a face? It\u2019s unclear,
\nBut bosoms and buns? They\u2019re huge hits.<\/p>\n

Why are bosoms so cute to us chaps?
\nIt\u2019s the thrill of releasing the straps.
\nAnd the hooks, eyes, or lace,
\nTill we come breast to face
\nWith the sight that turns men into saps.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special Jewelry-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The love of my life was called Pearl,
\nA delightful, intelligent girl.
\nBut she left me \u2013 I\u2019d \u201cdissed\u201d her
\nBy giving her sister,
\nThe sexy young Ruby, a whirl.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Tim James, Sharon Neeman, Diane Groothuis, P Diane Schneider, Byron Miller, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Peer or Pier or Appear” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Bob Dvorak:<\/p>\n

Well, what to my eyes did appear,
\nBut a miniature sleigh and some deer.
\nI truly must stop
\nDowning tasty brown slop,
\nEre I end up flat down on my rear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said the hooker, \u201cYour Lordship, I fear
\nThere is nothing that I can do here.
\nYour ducal regalia
\nIs frankly a failiah \u2013
\nI\u2019m sorry, I must diss a peer.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A yachtsman had drunk too much beer,
\nAnd it rendered his vision unclear.
\nHe rammed into the dock,
\nWhich collapsed from the shock.
\nAs a seaman he\u2019s quite without pier.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman, for her limerick she calls “How Melania Trump Returned Safely from Africa:”<\/p>\n

Said the cannibal chef with a sneer,
\n“Things are not always what they appear.
\nThat one’s flesh has no taste;
\nCooking her’s just a waste —
\nSo don’t bring that Melania here!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

A woman consulted a seer
\nTo see if her hubby was queer.
\nAnd the seer said \u201cHe\u2019s gay.
\nGet yourself a new lay.
\nDon\u2019t wait for his peer to appear.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

P Diane Schneider: <\/p>\n

The jury box stifled a jeer,
\nAnd kitty cat shuddered in fear.
\nThere’s word in the air
\nThis trial is not fair;
\nNo canine here looks like a peer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

My kitchen sink\u2019s leaking. Oh dear!
\nAnd an overweight tradesman is here.
\nThe one thing with a plumber
\nThat\u2019s always a bummer
\nIs having his butt crack appear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

It is time I revealed what took place
\nOn the day I was whisked into space.
\nThey don\u2019t probe, poke, or peer,
\nOr indeed, interfere;
\nBut they push pretty hard for first base.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

In the afterlife, I shall appear
\nAs a ghost to some \u201cpains in the rear.\u201d
\nI know who I\u2019ll haunt
\nAnd certainly taunt.
\nMy list’s getting longer each year.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Shelton Hoffman: <\/p>\n

A big fellow who drank lots of beer
\nTook pride in his skill as a pee-er.
\nHis incredible aim
\nGained the man bar room fame,
\nTill he once hit a cop in the rear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (JEWELRY LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Jake gave Cindy a ring set with jade,
\nNot with diamonds–so Cindy, dismayed
\nGave to Jake, in return,
\nAn asparagus fern.
\n(Seemed a pretty fair balance of trade.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

\u201cI know what to say when they call me.\u201d
\nSays a popular gal from Snoqualmie.
\nShe told her friend Mike:
\n\u201cWe can smooch, if you like;
\nBring bling if you\u2019re looking to ball me.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The Professor would constantly whine:
\n\u201cHow I loathe all those students of mine!
\nIt is hell everlasting
\nTo spend my life casting
\nFake pearls before genuine swine.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Clooney offered fair Bridget a necklace
\nIf she’d come to his bed and be reckless.
\n“Why, begorrah, it’s glass!”
\nCried the sweet Irish lass;
\n“Get ye gone, now — ye’ll always be feckless!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Her best friends are all diamonds, it\u2019s said;
\nShe has one for each time she\u2019s been wed.
\nBy a very old trick,
\nWithout shovel or pick,
\nShe has mined all her carbon in bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She has rings on her fingers and toes;
\nThere are studs in her ears, tongue and nose.
\nBut her guy doesn\u2019t mind.
\nAnd there\u2019s more bling to find
\nIf down\u2019s the direction he goes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

To find the right man, I\u2019ve been told,
\nHe should not be too young or too old.
\nBut regardless of age,
\nMy dear mother the \u201csage,\u201d
\nSaid \u201cHoney, just go for the gold.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick: Men are taken with all types of tits \u2013 And with buttocks. They\u2019re perfect for mitts. Why would anyone peer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3115,4003,2578,4465,2747,2281,5106,5009,5018,5144,4061,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41190"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41190"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41236,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41190\/revisions\/41236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}