{"id":41151,"date":"2018-12-16T00:06:52","date_gmt":"2018-12-16T04:06:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41151"},"modified":"2018-12-16T00:20:12","modified_gmt":"2018-12-16T04:20:12","slug":"limerick-off-award-312","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/12\/16\/limerick-off-award-312\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (312)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said Poe, \u201cI am sick to the core
\nOf this raven that knocked on my door,
\nSquawking one stupid word \u2013
\nI shall strangle the bird,
\nAnd I\u2019ll hear \u201cnevermore\u201d nevermore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SPICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cOur love life is lacking in spice,\u201d
\nSaid the husband. \u201cIt sure would be nice
\nTo have three in this bed.\u201d
\n\u201cGet the cat!\u201d his wife said \u2015
\nNot the pussy he\u2019d hoped to entice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Michael Moulton, Carolyn Henly, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman, Alan W. Webb, Byron Miller, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, and John Shardlow. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CORE or CORPS or D\u00c9COR” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

Said Trump, to the national corps,
\n\u201cThe Paris Accord\u2019s out the door.
\nSome say that\u2019s unwise,
\nDue to sea-level rise,
\nBut I live on the fifty-eighth floor.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Carolyn P Henly:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a nurse whose named Kissy DuMor,
\nAnd the medics all think she\u2019s a whore.
\nSays she, \u201cI\u2019m no tart;
\nIf you look in my heart
\nYou will see that I\u2019m good to the corps!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My date didn\u2019t like the decor
\nOf my place. From the ceiling to floor \u2015
\nCarpets, furnishings, art \u2015
\nShe just picked it apart.
\nSo the last thing I showed her? The door.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

My shrink said, \u201cLet\u2019s get to the core
\nOf what ails you. Methinks there\u2019s much more
\nTo your handwash compulsion
\nThan merely revulsion
\nTo dirt; it\u2019s your MOM you deplore.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Have you ever seen Aunt Em’s decor?
\nIt’s like something from “Ole Days Of Yore.”
\nThere’s a couch there for “fainting,”
\nThe place need repainting,
\nAnd Uncle Lou’s stuffed on the floor.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Alan Webb:<\/p>\n

Her nasty words cut to the core.
\nI fell to my knees on the floor,
\nCause when I get cussed out
\nIt drives all the lust out…
\nAnd I ain\u2019t coming here anymore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

\nOur team mascot is hard to ignore,
\nFor his shite coats our changing room floor.
\nBut we don\u2019t plan on stopping
\nHis guano from dropping:
\nIt adds to the \u201cosprey decor.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

A johnless gay hooker, Gerard,
\nComplained that his work was too hard:
\n\u201cI entered the corps
\nThinking I would get more,
\nBut shouldn\u2019t have joined the rear guard.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson’s “James Bond reminiscing at the old spy\u2019s home:”<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cShe thrilled me right down to my core,
\nWith visions of what was in store.
\nHer name said it all,
\nAlways there to enthrall;
\nI can\u2019t forget… Lucy Galore.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPICE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

When the owner of spice shops expands
\nWay too fast, he then soon understands
\nThat he must have a sale
\nOr his business will fail,
\n\u2019Cause he’s got too much thyme on his hands.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Someone said, \u2018Girls are sugar and spice.\u2019
\nAnd back then, that was all very nice.
\nNot today; sugar\u2019s bad.
\nAnd it may make you sad,
\nBut you\u2019re best off avoiding that vice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

\nWednesday Addams thought \u201cWho can scream louder?\u201d
\nShe put pepper in Grandmama\u2019s chowder;
\nIn Uncle\u2019s fish stew;
\nDad\u2019s shaving cream, too;
\nPugsley\u2019s mouthwash; and Mom\u2019s talcum powder.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get married, my friend, cuz of strife.
\nYou really do not need a wife;
\nShe will nag you to death
\nTill your very last breath.
\nThey are known for unspicing your life.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Shardlow:<\/p>\n

I am just off the ward feeling fine,
\nBut that matron\u2019s a bit of a swine;
\nThe green herb colonic
\nShe gives as a tonic
\nMeans I\u2019m busy just passing the thyme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A weird little fellow named Walt
\nHas a penchant for pepper and salt.
\nThey chuckle and point
\nIn the hamburger joint
\nWhen they notice he seasons his malt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Said Poe, \u201cI am sick to the core Of this raven that knocked on my door, Squawking one stupid word \u2013 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[5186,4003,2578,3197,4465,5187,5106,5173,3284,5009,5018,5144,3621,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41151"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41151"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41151\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41184,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41151\/revisions\/41184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}