{"id":41118,"date":"2018-12-01T23:12:16","date_gmt":"2018-12-02T03:12:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41118"},"modified":"2018-12-01T23:18:31","modified_gmt":"2018-12-02T03:18:31","slug":"limerick-off-award-311","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/12\/01\/limerick-off-award-311\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (311)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The game has the Vikings and Bears.
\nWho\u2019s winning? Seems nobody cares.
\nThe guys are in bunches;
\nI\u2019d say that my hunch is:
\nAt Hooters they\u2019re watching the pairs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the Special THEFT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

This section of town\u2019s gettin\u2019 tough,
\nAnd frankly, I\u2019ve just had enough!
\nSo I put out a rug
\nThat says, \u201cListen here thug:
\nRob the neighbors. They’ve much better stuff.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz,<\/a> Tim James, Dave Johnson, Tony Holmes, Kirk Miller, Sharon Neeman, Lisi Nortman, David Reddekopp,<\/a> and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PAIRS” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz, who notes that this is fiction:<\/p>\n

I fell from the top of the stairs,
\nAnd my body’s in need of repairs.
\nBut I still found the time
\nTo come up with this rhyme.
\nNow let’s see if Mad Kane really cares.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Twin sisters, so hot they drew stares,
\nSwung on by to relieve all his cares.
\nAll misfortunes, you see,
\nCome in batches of three,
\nWhile the best things in life come in pairs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

They used to grow apples and pears,
\nFilling grocery bins with their wares.
\nNow they\u2019re serving us well
\nIn this Trumpian spell;
\nWith vineyards that drown all our cares.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes<\/p>\n

It seems life likes to do things in twos,
\nThough exceptions abound to confuse.
\nBuns and boobs come in pairs,
\nAs do hands: It all squares.
\nEvolution? Or planning \u2013 but whose?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

At the nudist camp, manager Fred
\nSaid, \u201cWhen walking, please carefully tread.
\nThey are making repairs
\nOn the sidewalk and stairs.\u201d
\n\u201cPlease bare with us,\u201d warning signs read.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (THEFT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

What’s important to Trump is the deal,
\nAnd it’s fine if you lie, cheat or steal.
\nIt would really be nice
\nIf his theft had a price \u2013
\nLet’s say “20 to life,” no appeal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

It seems that Viagra was stolen
\nBy crooks who are mainly Angolan.
\nThe newspaper said:
\n“Cops are full steam ahead
\nAnd looking for thieves who are swollen.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

A stripper with pasties and patch
\nHid her diamonds high up in her snatch,
\nBut a tale-bearing snitch
\nWent and told on the bitch,
\nAnd the stash was soon snatched — a good catch!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

She had beauty right down to an art
\nAnd she caused all my breath to depart.
\n\u201cShe is gorgeous,” I said,
\nAnd at that, I dropped dead,
\nFor the woman had stolen my heart!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A pickpocket fled from the bar;
\nHe tried running, but failed to get far.
\nThey ended the chase
\nIn a parking lot space;
\nSeems someone had stolen his car.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There once was a cold-hearted thief
\nWho only caused heartache and grief.
\nThe worst thing he stole
\nWas our great nation\u2019s soul,
\nAnd that\u2019s our Commander in Chief.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A burglar was just apprehended
\nIn a manner that’s not recommended.
\nThe loot had been stashed
\nIn a trunk that was mashed;
\nHis car was first chased then rear-ended.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

He copied and pasted the text
\nTo submit to the Prof as his next
\nClass writing assignment.
\nBut each stolen line meant
\nHis teacher was thoroughly vexed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A boy, an unlikable geek,
\nStole some candy, an act of pure pique.
\nHe got busted. His dad
\nWhupped his ass pretty bad.
\n(I could hardly sit down for a week.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The game has the Vikings and Bears. Who\u2019s winning? Seems nobody cares. The guys are in bunches; I\u2019d say that my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4465,5187,4525,3523,3284,5009,5018,5144,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41118"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41118"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41148,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41118\/revisions\/41148"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}