{"id":41058,"date":"2018-11-17T22:56:37","date_gmt":"2018-11-18T02:56:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=41058"},"modified":"2018-11-17T23:06:46","modified_gmt":"2018-11-18T03:06:46","slug":"limerick-off-award-310","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/11\/17\/limerick-off-award-310\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (310)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said a personal ad that was placed
\nBy a woman some claimed was unchaste:
\n“They think I\u2019m immoral
\nBut I\u2019m only oral
\nWith men of impeccable taste.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special FOOTWEAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I have heard of a cat (Russian Blue)
\nWho would frequently pee in a shoe.
\nIf I got one for Trump,
\nCould I teach it to dump?
\nHe deserves solid Russian gifts, too.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Brian Allgar,<\/a> David Friedman, Tim Gray, Lisi Nortman, Margie Nairn, and Fred Bortz.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLACED” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

When in public she\u2019s very strait-laced,
\nAnd her scoldings leave many red-faced.
\nBut in secret, she gloats
\nOver sowing wild oats.
\nIs her guilt for those urges displaced?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

\nRoasting turkey? Use whiskey to baste
\n(Not the bird, but the guests) till well laced.
\nPlease believe me: when high,
\nThey won’t know the bird’s dry,
\nAnd your trust in me won’t be misplaced.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A woman preferred to stay chaste
\nBefore marriage. She therefore replaced
\nStandard nookie with head.
\nWhat\u2019s the news from her bed?
\nWord of mouth: she\u2019s a gal of good taste.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\n\u201cThe Balkans or Baltics, who cares?
\nThat war happened,\u201d the Donald declares.
\n\u201cSo I got them misplaced?
\nWell, it\u2019s gotta be faced,
\nThey\u2019re all BALs, so the fault must be theirs.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

As the deadline approaches, we\u2019re braced,
\nNever thinking it might be replaced.
\nForced to wait, hopes on hold;
\nSeven days \u2013 who got gold?
\nWere we mentioned or were we disgraced?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

I fear we are currently faced
\nWith an earth that will soon be replaced
\nWith poisonous waves
\nThat waft past our graves
\nOf toxic industrial waste.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

“I’m ruined,” she whispered, white-faced;
\n“The horse that I backed was outpaced!
\nMy Little Miss Muffet
\nCame second — oh, stuff it!
\nTwo million to win, and Miss placed.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim Gray:<\/p>\n

I tripped and by accident placed
\nMy hand on an Arab girl\u2019s waist.
\nAnd you should have heard \u2019er;
\nShe screamed bloody murder.
\nBy her father and brother I’m chased.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

My life is a damn total waste;
\nAll the money I stole has been traced.
\nSo I’m running amok,
\nAnd the “L” in my luck
\nWith an “F” has been surely replaced.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FOOTWEAR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Her stilettos were stunning. What\u2019s more,
\nShe had fine thigh-high boots by the score.
\nI was truly obsessed
\nBy the way that she dressed \u2015
\nBecause footwear was all that she wore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

New shoes always play a great role
\nIn something called Sadness Control.
\nThough they won\u2019t change your life,
\nWhen you’re feeling some strife
\nThey do wonders for lifting your sole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Margie Nairn:<\/p>\n

In order to dance like Astaire,
\nYour feet must feel lighter than air.
\nIt\u2019s all in the shoes,
\nSo be sure that you choose
\nA stylish but comfortable pair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There once was a wealthy young gopher
\nWho lived in Shaquille O\u2019Neal\u2019s loafer.
\nHe said, \u201cI can go
\nFrom the heel to the toe,
\nBut only if I call the chauffeur.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

He punted from where it was slick,
\nCaught his cleats, broke his leg like a stick.
\nWhile his fracture was healing,
\nThey asked, \u201cHow ya feeling?\u201d
\n\u201cPretty good,\u201d he replied. \u201cI can\u2019t kick.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Said a personal ad that was placed By a woman some claimed was unchaste: “They think I\u2019m immoral But I\u2019m only […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,2725,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,5187,3523,5009,5018,4526,5200,5052,5174,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41058"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41058"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41058\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41115,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41058\/revisions\/41115"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41058"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41058"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41058"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}