{"id":40945,"date":"2018-10-14T02:54:03","date_gmt":"2018-10-14T06:54:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40945"},"modified":"2018-10-14T03:05:19","modified_gmt":"2018-10-14T07:05:19","slug":"limerick-off-award-308","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/10\/14\/limerick-off-award-308\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (308)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In the sack with an insecure guy,
\nShe gave voice to a rapturous cry:
\n\u201cYou\u2019ve a huge, awesome dick!\u201d
\nIt\u2019s just part of her shtick:
\nWhen she lays, she relies on a lie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Brian Allgar,<\/a> who wins the Special TOOL-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I bought some new scissors. The packet
\nWas rigidly sealed. What a racket!
\nI tried \u2013 what a joke!
\nAll my fingernails broke,
\nAnd I needed some scissors to crack it!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar,<\/a> Ailsa McKillop, Thomas Vincent, Tim James, Alan Webb, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Kathleen Bartoletti, Sharon Neeman, Bruce Alter,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Ken Gosse, and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CRY” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cUnfair!\u201d the Republicans cry.
\n\u201cJudge Kavanaugh\u2019s our kind of guy!
\nYoung Brett didn\u2019t do it,
\nBut if he did, screw it \u2013
\nAll boys will be boys when they\u2019re high.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ailsa McKillop: <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a scurry; I stifle a cry.
\nIn one second I\u2019m yards (or well-nigh)
\nFrom the eight-legged beast —
\nLike lightning when greased!
\nIn extremis, I\u2019m really quite spry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thomas Vincent: <\/p>\n

Christine has now sullied my name.
\nThe media\u2019s tarred me with shame.
\nSo now I must cry,
\nAnd tell the big lie,
\nThat Hillary Clinton\u2019s to blame.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

She refused to go out with me. Why?
\n\u2019Cause she wants a more masculine guy.
\nShe cut right to the quick,
\nSaid I act like a chick.
\nNow excuse me. I need a good cry.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Alan Webb:<\/p>\n

There are those who will heave a great sigh
\nOr, possibly, loudly decry
\nAnd come down on with hammer
\nThe use of bad grammar
\nCommitted by someone like I.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judith H. Block:<\/p>\n

When guilty, play \u201cGod card\u201d and cry,
\nShout and sniffle to cover your lie.
\nWe don\u2019t have to look far
\nTo perceive what you are:
\nJust a callous, entitled white guy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I never had sex with a guy
\nTill I married last eighth of July.
\nWhen he showed me his stuff,
\nMy decision was tough:
\nShould I laugh or just break down and cry?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kathleen Bartoletti:<\/p>\n

\u2019Twas a warm summer night, star-lit sky;
\nUrgent pleas in the dark, then a cry
\nAs a spotlight uncovers
\nTwo near-naked lovers
\nOn the grass — and a cop standing by.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TOOL LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Thomas Vincent: <\/p>\n

If you listened to all that he said,
\nAnd his words didn\u2019t fill you with dread,
\nIf you think Brett\u2019s a saint,
\nI\u2019m afraid that you ain\u2019t,
\nThe sharpest damn tool in the shed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

My dad said, “I’ll teach you two rules:
\nNumber one: never buy shoddy tools.
\nNumber two: don’t misuse!
\nUsing hammers on screws
\nOr a cent for a fuse is for fools.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce Alter: <\/p>\n

The plumber worked hard with her wrench
\nTo cut off the toilet pipe stench,
\nBut stopped to hit Fred
\nWith the wrench on his head,
\nBecause he kept calling her \u201cwench.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nThe slide rule? It no longer rules.
\nCarbon paper? Used only by fools.
\nSuch things are, to me,
\nLike today\u2019s GOP:
\nA collection of outdated tools.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A tailgater \u2013 massively rude;
\nOne finger was seen to protrude.
\nHe flew by on the right,
\nThen a flashing blue light;
\nAnd that\u2019s when that driver was screwed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse: <\/p>\n

There are times that I cry in my sleep,
\nWhen I think of that jerk and his veep,
\nBecause highly paid fools
\nWith their rules and their tools
\nHave failed to get rid of that creep.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There once was a screwdriver, Phillip
\nWho screwed lots of screws but was still up
\nSo, wanting some more,
\nHe searched through the drawer,
\nAnd decided that he\u2019d hit the drill up.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: In the sack with an insecure guy, She gave voice to a rapturous cry: \u201cYou\u2019ve a huge, awesome dick!\u201d It\u2019s just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3559,5186,4003,5171,4465,5187,3570,4849,4842,5009,5018,5144,5052,5172,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40945"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40945"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40945\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40986,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40945\/revisions\/40986"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40945"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40945"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40945"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}