{"id":40886,"date":"2018-09-29T23:01:19","date_gmt":"2018-09-30T03:01:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40886"},"modified":"2018-09-29T23:12:57","modified_gmt":"2018-09-30T03:12:57","slug":"limerick-off-award-307","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/09\/29\/limerick-off-award-307\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (307)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nThere are those who\u2019d resuscitate coal.
\nIt\u2019s a silly, illusory goal
\nWhich we need (as is said)
\nLike a hole in the head \u2015
\nFrom the folks with their heads in a hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special SCHOOL SUPPLIES-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

She\u2019s teaching a pole-dancing class;
\nHer students are grasping with sass.
\nThey\u2019re shinning to slide
\nAnd learning to ride
\nA skinny but tall piece of brass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Thomas Vincent, Ailsa McKillop, Jim Gallagher, Byron Miller, Tim James, Sharon Neeman, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Fred Bortz,<\/a> and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“HOLE or WHOLE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Thomas Vincent:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis shoe making\u2019s taking its toll,\u201d
\nSaid the cobbler. \u201cI\u2019m deep in the hole.
\nI\u2019ve got boots on the shelf,
\nAnd old Satan himself,
\nRefuses to buy any sole.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ailsa McKillop: <\/p>\n

I will beg, I will plead and cajole,
\nBut knowing I lack self-control,
\nKeep the Mars bar (in batter
\nDeep-fried) from my platter,
\nOr else I\u2019ll devour it whole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jim Gallagher:<\/p>\n

The typical internet troll
\nMay find it exceedingly droll
\nTo be callous and crass
\nAnd then laugh off his ass,
\nBut the sum of his parts is a hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

\nFinding “women of size” to cajole,
\nWas a certain young Romeo\u2019s goal;
\nHe was totally sold
\nOn exploring each fold,
\nIn his quest for the ultimate hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A mare had decided to troll
\nHer lead stallion, who swallowed it whole.
\n\u201cI\u2019m afraid, stud, I\u2019m late;
\nIt\u2019s your child I await.\u201d
\nIt was all a big joke. April Foal!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Asked the cop, “Why’re you diggin\u2019 that hole?”
\nSighed his neighbor, “For Ma… rest her soul.”
\n“For your Ma?” “Yep, she’s dead.”
\n“Gosh, what happened?” “She said
\n‘I’ll be damned if I let you go bowl!\u2019”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Does the grind of each day take its toll?
\nAre you living in fear for your soul?
\nThere\u2019s a cure that restores;
\nBuy a pair of plus-fours
\nAnd try getting that ball to the hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

\nOh Boy! We were on a great roll;
\nThree times in one night! (Bless his Soul.)
\nWay back in the day,
\nWe sure knew how to play,
\nBut now, he just can\u2019t find that hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m the greatest the world ever knew!
\nNumber 1 among Presidents \u2013 true!\u201d
\nBut he speaks though a hole
\nThat expresses his soul,
\nSo he constantly spews Number 2.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

When dividing the whole is the goal
\nOf a chemist, he counts by the mole.
\nBut if you’re baking doughnuts
\nThis fact makes you go nuts:
\nYou can’t make a half of a hole.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SCHOOL SUPPLIES LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Once paper and pencils and glue
\nKept kids hushed for an hour or two.
\nNow teachers can’t cope
\nWith the slippery slope
\nOf “I’ve got the new iPhone! Do you?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

They met on a gallery walk
\nAnd went to a caf\u00e9 to talk.
\nShe thought he was nice
\nAnd texted him twice;
\nBut he was just blackboard \u2013 no chalk.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

\nCan you sell me some motorized shoes?
\nI need something stronger to use;
\nForty kids in my classes
\nAre too many asses
\nTo kick with my old Jimmy Choos.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nI\u2019ve done what most teachers will do:
\nBought supplies so my kids muddle through.
\nIf it helps, though, I \u2015 HEY!
\nPUT THAT CELL PHONE AWAY!
\nHere\u2019s the thing I can\u2019t buy them: a clue.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: There are those who\u2019d resuscitate coal. It\u2019s a silly, illusory goal Which we need (as is said) Like a hole in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3559,4003,2578,4465,3523,3475,5009,5018,4526,5052,5172,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40886"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40886"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40886\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40943,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40886\/revisions\/40943"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40886"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40886"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40886"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}