{"id":40836,"date":"2018-09-15T22:08:05","date_gmt":"2018-09-16T02:08:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40836"},"modified":"2018-09-15T22:10:50","modified_gmt":"2018-09-16T02:10:50","slug":"limerick-off-award-306","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/09\/15\/limerick-off-award-306\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (306)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I incinerate corpses for hire.
\nI just toss them right into the pyre.
\nThough some can\u2019t take the heat,
\nThere\u2019s no place for cold feet.
\nI just hold those stiffs\u2019 feet to the fire!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special NERVE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Bob Woodward is making this clear:
\nOur nation has plenty to \u201cFear.\u201d
\nTrump\u2019s unfitness to serve’s
\nAn affront to our nerves,
\nWhile the G.O.P. smooches his rear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Thomas Vincent, Lisi Nortman, Michael Moulton,<\/a> Mike Burch,<\/a> Tim James, Charley Simmons, Dave Johnson, and Tim Gray. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cFEAT or FEET or DEFEAT\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO NERVE\/NERVES LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

While the doc made my hip new and sweet,
\nThe retractor that held back the meat
\nPinched a nerve in my thigh,
\nAnd they say that is why
\nI have numbness in one of my feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FEAT or FEET or DEFEAT” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Thomas Vincent: <\/p>\n

A champion milker named Pete
\nFaced a heifer with only one teat.
\nThough he’d grunt and he’d wheeze,
\nNo milk could he squeeze;
\nT\u2019was Pete\u2019s final udder defeat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

My advice — and I’ll pour it out neat:
\nIf you hate the one holding the seat,
\nDon’t just gripe, bitch or frown;
\nHit the polls! Vote them down!
\nYou can’t win if you “vote with your feet.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Getting older is surely not sweet;
\nIt makes me feel so obsolete.
\nMy neck: It just sags.
\nMy eyes look like bags.
\nAnd my boobs are now down to my feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

When Putin says, \u201cDonald, let\u2019s meet,\u201d
\nThe tone of his voice may seem sweet,
\nBut when he says, \u201cJump!\u201d
\nTo President Trump
\nHe expects him to sit at his feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

There once was a man who would tweet
\nJust as fast as his mind could excrete.
\nIn most every case
\nHe had egg on his face;
\nIn his mouth, both proverbial feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Burch:<\/p>\n

The Donald is white, rich, elite.
\nThus he never will suffer defeat.
\nForget all the polls:
\nThe man drives a Rolls
\nAnd he gold-plates his toilet seat!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Charlie Simmons:<\/p>\n

The Cannibal being discreet,
\nAte his friend from his head to his feet.
\nThe next day, belly achin\u2019,
\nBoth guilt-filled and shakin\u2019,
\nHe passed his old friend on the street.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\nThe Temptations were Motown\u2019s elite,
\nDefining America\u2019s beat.
\nGreat hits were the rule
\nPlus the essence of cool,
\nRight down to the souls of their feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Though the other trainees were all fleet,
\nI outraced them \u2014 I knew how to cheat:
\nThrough the barracks I crept
\n(Making sure that they slept)
\nAnd put leeches on all of their feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (NERVE\/NERVES LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

It really does get on my nerves
\nTo see how male Government pervs
\nThink they\u2019re fit to hold power
\nBut can\u2019t last an hour
\nWhen faced with some cleavage and curves.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

My date had the ultimate gall
\nTo inform me my boobs were “too small,”
\nTo which I replied,
\n“Oh really, dear Clyde?
\nWhere’s your shlong? I can’t find it at all!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Despicable Donald had nerve;
\nAlong with refusing to serve,
\nThis sniveling coward
\nKept bragging to Howard,
\nExtolling his life as a perv.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim Gray:<\/p>\n

My pal John was the first one to swerve,
\nCuz he couldn\u2019t hold on to his nerve.
\nAt his first game of chicken,
\nHe got a good lickin\u2019…
\nAnd a crash that he didn\u2019t deserve.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got shakes and my thinking is slow.
\nMy hair\u2019s graying; my nervous tics show.
\nOh, for drug-induced bliss!
\nBut there\u2019s no pill for this.
\nAnd there\u2019s fifty-six days still to go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I incinerate corpses for hire. I just toss them right into the pyre. Though some can\u2019t take the heat, There\u2019s no […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[5176,4465,5106,5009,5018,4526,4878,3621,5052,5172,5174,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-40836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-charlie-simmons","tag-dave-johnson","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-mike-burch","tag-mike-moulton","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-thomas-vincent","tag-tim-gray","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40836"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40836\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40879,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40836\/revisions\/40879"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}