{"id":40766,"date":"2018-09-01T22:57:10","date_gmt":"2018-09-02T02:57:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40766"},"modified":"2018-09-01T23:23:36","modified_gmt":"2018-09-02T03:23:36","slug":"limerick-off-award-305","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/09\/01\/limerick-off-award-305\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (305)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to THOMAS VINCENT, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A Hawaiian wahini named Kay
\nMet tourists, with flowers in May.
\nThe plane landed late,
\nAnd it made the girl wait;
\nIt was Kay\u2019s May day lei lay delay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Opera-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nEight P.M., and he meets a grim fate:
\nWatching op’ra, coerced by his date.
\nHe just sits there and glowers.
\nGood God, it\u2019s been hours!
\n(Though his watch only says 8:08.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Tony Holmes, Tim Gray, Tim James, David Franks, Kirk Miller, Jean McEwen, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, and Lisi Nortman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cLAY\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO OPERA LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Sneaking in from a casual lay,
\nI stumbled — tripped — fell all the way!
\nMy wife shrieked, “What was that?”
\nI sang back, “\u2019Twas the cat!”* —
\nKnowing “Pinafore” saved me that day!<\/p>\n

* A line from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta “HMS Pinafore”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LAY” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes: (A Gentleman\u2019s Response)<\/p>\n

When addressed from the top of a dray,
\n\u201cMove yor arse, mate! Yor blockin\u2019 my way,\u201d
\nI put car into gear
\nAnd, my feelings made clear,
\nTook my leave without further delay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim Gray: (Trump\u2019s Inner Thoughts)<\/p>\n

Hey you people, so what\u2019s the delay?
\nI say crown me the King. Now! Today!
\nIt\u2019s what you deserve.
\nIt\u2019s me that you serve,
\nAnd you know I ain\u2019t going away!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Hay Mad, I just wanted to say
\nThat I had to look up the word \u201cley.\u201d
\nWhat a pain in the ass!
\n(It\u2019s land used to grow grass.)
\nPlease stop horsing around in this way.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

When Griselda, too long left to ley,
\nFelt the need of a roll in the hay,
\nShe\u2019d dispense with demure
\nAnd take steps to secure
\nWhat was needed, the old-fashioned way.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Franks: <\/p>\n

Could I see you at first light of day?
\nFor my love for you begs me to say
\nThat my bed is first-class \u2013
\nIt is big, made of brass \u2013
\nAnd I want you to Lay Lady, Lay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

I feel awful! I’m nauseous! Oy vey!
\n“Cheetos” gave me such heartburn today!
\n(I refer to King Tweet,
\nNot a snack people eat
\nFrom a bag that is stamped “Frito-Lay.”)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
\nBut they carry a very high price.
\nFunding\u2019s frozen and they
\nSay expect a delay,
\nSo the architect put it on ice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (OPERA LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

The tenor starts out with a speech.
\nThe diva erupts with a screech.
\nWhen not screaming, they\u2019re crooning.
\nNot stabbing? They\u2019re swooning.
\nGet me out of here now, I beseech!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (Trump turns down an invitation to \u201cDer Fliegende Holl\u00e4nder\u201d)<\/p>\n

\u201cFake News!\u201d cries the Donald. \u201cThey\u2019re lying!
\nThis opera scam? I\u2019m not buying!
\nDo they think I\u2019m a fool
\nOr a dumb kid from school
\nTo believe that some Dutchman is flying?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

To the op’ra she wanted to go;
\nHis instant reaction: Oh no!
\n(Same time as the game;
\nHe needs something to blame.)
\n\u201cMy fart medication\u2019s too slow!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

When one\u2019s stabbed in the back, wow, that stings!
\nThe pain is so bad, your heart wrings!
\nBut in opera, NO:
\nWhen the blood starts to flow,
\nThe tenor just gets down and sings!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (Trump attends a performance of “Die Zauberfl\u0151te”)<\/p>\n

\u201cThough her singing was more like a hoot,
\nThe soprano was still kinda cute,
\nSo after the show,
\nI grabbed – well, you know –
\nAnd I showed her my own magic flute.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: (\u201cWagner\u2019s music is better than it sounds.\u201d \u2014 Mark Twain)<\/p>\n

Sorry, Mark, but you\u2019re way out of bounds;
\nHearing Wagner\u2019s like going ten rounds.
\nFor days divas sing
\n\u2019Bout some stupid old Ring,
\nWhile Mike Tyson my poor noggin pounds.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s an opera singer named Mitch
\nWho, moreover, plays baseball, at which
\nHe\u2019s a hurler first rate.
\nAnd what makes him so great?
\nAs with singing, he has perfect pitch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to THOMAS VINCENT, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A Hawaiian wahini named Kay Met tourists, with flowers in May. The plane landed late, And it made the girl wait; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3296,5106,3284,5009,5018,4526,5052,5172,5174,3167,5145,487,523],"class_list":["post-40766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-franks","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-thomas-vincent","tag-tim-gray","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40766","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40766"}],"version-history":[{"count":50,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40766\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40830,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40766\/revisions\/40830"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40766"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40766"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40766"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}