It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. <\/p>\n
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n
When Nathaniel goes out on a date
\nHe displays a despicable trait:
\nAll he wants is to screw;
\nAll his dates post #metoo.
\nThe misogyny\u2019s truly inNate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nCongratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Special Affairs-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n
Sylvester\u2019s had multiple flings.
\nDefying convention, he swings!
\nHe\u2019s had threesomes galore,
\nSpecial fondness for four.
\nHis motto? No strings and no rings!<\/p><\/blockquote>\nAnd congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Bruce Alter,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Val Fish, Judith H. Block,<\/a> and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DATE\/SEDATE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n
Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n
Smiled one Smithie, “I think it’s just great
\nThat the Prof asked you out for a date!”
\nFrowned the other, “It’s awful!
\nIt shouldn’t be lawful
\nFor men to presume that we’re straight.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\nBrian Allgar:<\/p>\n
The doctors had tried to sedate
\nDonald\u2019s ravings of anger and hate,
\nBut he\u2019d scream and he\u2019d swear
\nTill they got him to wear
\nA new jacket \u2013 the kind that is strait.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nDave Johnson:<\/p>\n
He\u2019s basking in amorous bliss,
\nWith just an occasional hiss.
\nHe’s assured that his date
\nWill forever be great;
\nFor she\u2019s an inflatable Miss.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nBruce Alter:<\/p>\n
My advice to guys: Don\u2019t tempt your fate!
\nThis topic’s not up for debate.
\nUnless she is amorous,
\n(Even if glamorous)
\nKeep your grubby palms off of your date.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nLisi Nortman:<\/p>\n
Oh wow! Did I have one cheap date!
\nI\u2019ve never been so damn irate!
\nHe asked me to drive
\nAt the \u201cthru window\u201d dive
\nSo that I\u2019D pay the $2.98.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTony Holmes:<\/p>\n
Puritanical pater, Gil Spate,
\nHard of hearing, misheard \u201cmasticate.\u201d
\n\u201cONANISM IS WRONG!
\nIf you cannot be strong,
\nThen you leave me no option: Sedate!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nDave Johnson:<\/p>\n
His girlfriend, demure and sedate,
\nInsisted that they\u2019d have to wait.
\nThen she saw \u201cMagic Mike.\u201d
\nHer reaction was like:
\n\u201cI\u2019d love to be setting HIM straight!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nLisi Nortman:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll find I\u2019m a wonderful date,
\nAnd my dear, I must say you look great.
\nPlease don\u2019t mind if I\u2019m jumpy,
\nOr get kind of grumpy.
\nI just broke out of prison upstate.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\nHONORABLE MENTIONS (AFFAIRS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n
Val Fish: <\/p>\n
I\u2019d booked us a suite at The Grand.
\nEv’ry detail was carefully planned,
\nBut I\u2019d NOT bargained for
\nThat knock at the door;
\nThe wife, divorce papers in hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nLisi Nortman:<\/p>\n
Found pink panties right under my bed.
\nDid I holler or scream? No! Instead,
\nOn Facebook they went,
\nCause my dear hubby Trent
\nSeems to go for a big \u201ccenter spread.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\nDave Johnson:<\/p>\n
A traveling salesman named Rex
\nWas having some parking lot sex.
\nIn the heat of it all,
\nHe butt-dialed a call
\nThat went to his soon-to-be ex.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nJudith H. Block says:<\/p>\n
Through the years, I\u2019ve had many affairs.
\nIt\u2019s the truth; I\u2019m not putting on airs.
\nAnd now that I’m older,
\nI still feel the smolder.
\nSo as long as I\u2019m wanted, who cares!<\/p><\/blockquote>\nDave Johnson:<\/p>\n
Whenever they happen to meet,
\nHe tells her \u201cWe must be discreet.
\nThese moments we\u2019ll share
\nWith the utmost of care;
\nRobert Mueller has eyes on the street.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\nTim James:<\/p>\n
An idiot had two affairs:
\nWith a porn star and Playmate. Who cares?
\nWell, for starters, his wife.
\nFor the rest of his life
\nIt appears that he\u2019ll need thoughts and prayers.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nCongratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n
In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n