{"id":40657,"date":"2018-08-04T21:51:21","date_gmt":"2018-08-05T01:51:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40657"},"modified":"2018-08-04T21:57:30","modified_gmt":"2018-08-05T01:57:30","slug":"limerick-off-award-303","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/08\/04\/limerick-off-award-303\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (303)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Now, a word that\u2019s not easy to peg,
\nIs the word for the white of an egg.
\nRepeat “joke joke joke joke”
\nAnd you\u2019ll think the word\u2019s \u201cyolk.\u201d
\nBut it\u2019s not: I\u2019ve been pulling your leg.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Special SPAM-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I tried on-line dating, but since
\nI\u2019m finding it hard to convince
\nAny girls to reply,
\nI suppose I shall die
\nA lonely Nigerian Prince.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ken Gosse, Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Robert Schechter,<\/a> Tony Holmes, David Franks, Tim James, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cYOKE\/YOLK\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SPAM-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n

One morning, my egg had a yolk
\nWhich was green, like a St. Patrick\u2019s joke.
\nAnd so was my ham,
\nSo I wrote, \u201cSpam I Am.\u201d
\nDr. Seuss sued, so now I am broke.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

I’m allergic — Fate’s cruelest joke:
\nIf you offer me peanuts, I’ll choke;
\nI get rashes from fruit
\nAnd from dairy I toot,
\nAnd I eat neither egg white nor yolk.<\/p>\n

I throw up from salami and Spam;
\nI can’t touch chicken, duck, beef or ham;
\nI break out from tomatoes —
\nWhat’s left? Sweet potatoes
\nThrice daily. I yam what I yam.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“YOKE\/YOLK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

He made a mistake when he spoke;
\nHe said \u201cwould\u201d, but meant \u201cwouldn\u2019t,\u201d poor bloke.
\nNow he sulks in disgrace
\nWith egg on his face —
\nDumb Donald just can\u2019t take a yolk.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

In order to get to the yolk,
\nYou give that cute sucker a poke.
\nThen gook will spill out
\nLike a damn gushing spout.
\nCooking sucks. Just eat out. Go for broke.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

“First you iron the sleeves, then the yoke,”
\nGrandma taught me, and “Sprinkle — don’t soak!”
\nNow I wear crinkle cotton,
\nBut haven’t forgotten
\nThe love in her voice when she spoke.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Humpty Dumpty, like regular folk,
\nWould sit on the wall for a smoke.
\nBut after his splat,
\nSaid a fellow named Pratt:
\n\u201cI told you that guy was a yolk.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m not one of those folk
\nWhose \u201cyoke\u201d sounds the same as their \u201cyolk.\u201d
\nOh, I could pretend;
\nBut I know, in the end,
\nI\u2019d regret it the moment I… spolk?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

\nTo those who are hip, wise and woke,
\nThe white’s not as healthy as yolk,
\nSo if you’re consumin’
\nNot yolk, but albumen,
\nIt’s likely that soon you will croak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

Svedish businessman, Jurgenson Svolke,
\nWas so large all his clothes were bespoke.
\n\u201cVen you\u2019re sefen feed tall,
\nNormal clothes is too schmall;
\nGedding trousers dat fit is no yoke.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Franks:<\/p>\n

We\u2019re a team, as if joined by a yoke,
\nAnd our \u201cmarital bond\u201d we invoke,
\nBut my wife made a noose,
\nFor she didn\u2019t deduce
\nThat \u201cthe old ball and chain\u201d is a joke.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

In rowing, he\u2019s known as The Stroke;
\nThen there’s Starboard, another big bloke.
\nThey power the shell
\nWhen it\u2019s all going well
\nLike oxen attached to a yoke.<\/p>\n

The rest of us try to keep pace;
\nIntent upon winning the race.
\nIf we manage a burst
\nAnd we wind up in first,
\nOur coxswain gets launched into space.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPAM-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

\nDid you know that The Donald loves Spam?
\nI’m totally shocked. (Yes I am.)
\nBut now on reflection,
\nThere is a connection.
\nOf course! He’s the world’s biggest HAM!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

What\u2019s in Spam? Here, I\u2019ll give it a stab:
\nSalt and nitrite (both more than a dab),
\nSugar, water, starch, meat.
\nIt won\u2019t hurt you to eat,
\nThough it looks like it\u2019s grown in a lab.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

From my snooze, I awoke to the stews\u2019
\nCries for women and children, in queues.
\nWhat could cause all this panic?
\nWas this the Titanic?
\nIt was Spam on our Carnival cruise.<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

This P.O.T.U.S. is such a big sham;
\nHe embodies the flim and the flam.
\nDr. Seuss would prescribe
\nOne fate for his tribe:
\nA diet of green eggs and Spam.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Franks:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not marmoset, egret or lamb;
\nNeither lizard, nor hagfish, nor clam;
\nNot giraffe, worm, dog, cat,
\nYeast, turducken or bat,
\nNor planarian. I\u2019m guessing Spam.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Even though it was clearly a sham,
\nI opened this e-mail. (Oh damn!)
\nIt said, \u201cHere\u2019s a great plan:
\nIt\u2019s called ‘Pork In A Can'”
\n(Any jerk could just tell it was Spam.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Now, a word that\u2019s not easy to peg, Is the word for the white of an egg. Repeat “joke joke joke […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,2578,4465,3296,4842,2538,5009,5018,4526,2537,5052,3167,5145,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40657"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40657"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40657\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40697,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40657\/revisions\/40697"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}