{"id":40605,"date":"2018-07-21T23:53:36","date_gmt":"2018-07-22T03:53:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40605"},"modified":"2018-07-22T00:39:05","modified_gmt":"2018-07-22T04:39:05","slug":"limerick-off-award-302","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/07\/21\/limerick-off-award-302\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (302)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Poor Billy. He fell for the spell
\nOf the belle of the ball. All was well,
\n\u2019Til he swung her and tripped
\nAt the moment they dipped,
\nAnd we all heard the bawl of the belle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Punishment-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Kinky punishment’s part of her act,
\nAnd at times she wears costumes. In fact,
\nWith one client, for fun,
\nShe dressed up like a nun.
\nBut it wasn’t his knuckles she whacked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Sharon Neeman and Brian Allgar,<\/a> who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, written because they apparently found my limerick theme choice to be punishing:<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

This week’s challenge is far from sublime:
\nMad has found us a verb with no rhyme!
\nNot “astonish” or “banish”
\nOr “donnish” or “vanish” \u2013
\nJust “nunnish,” which wastes all our time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Poor Sharon complains that this week
\nThe lack of a rhyme-verb is bleak,
\nAnd to seek one for \u201cpunish\u201d
\nCould only be funnish
\nFor one with a masochist streak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Madeleine Begun Kane:<\/p>\n

Please don’t punish the judge for her theme-choice.
\n(One might modishly call it her meme-choice.)
\nFor you’re free as a bird
\nTo select any word
\nAnd determine your own rhyming scheme-choice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (written, Brian claims, after a few drinks)<\/p>\n

\nDear Mad \u2013<\/p>\n

I washn\u2019t intending to critishize
\nBut shimply attempting to wittishize
\nPoor Sharon\u2019s shad plight
\nAs besht as I might
\nThrough whishky-befuddled old British eyes<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners, in random order: Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> David Reddekopp,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Steve Whitred,<\/a> Tony Holmes, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Mark Westin,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Ken Gosse, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BELL \/ BELLE \/ REBEL-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PUNISHMENT LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

\n“Come lie down and be whipped,” hissed the “pastor;”
\n“You have shown disrespect to your master.”
\nHis “disciple,” sweet Belle,
\nGrinned and answered “Like hell!
\nThough you’re older and bigger, I’m faster.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

An athletic young hooker called Belle
\nSaid \u201cYou\u2019ve been a bad boy, I\u2019ve heard tell.\u201d
\nSo she spanked and she spanked
\nWhile the President wanked,
\nTill his bum was bright orange as well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BELL \/ BELLE \/ REBEL-RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Mel,
\nWhose date was proceeding quite well;
\nHe was baring it all
\nWith the belle of the ball \u2013
\nThen he saw the two balls of the belle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s dating a true Southern belle
\nWho\u2019s gracious and gorgeous as well.
\nWe talked for a while
\nAnd he said with a smile:
\n\u201cShe\u2019s horny and I\u2019m feeling swell.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Stephen Whitred:<\/p>\n

\nNeither ask who is tolling the bell,
\nNor for whom is its sorrowful knell,
\nCuz the answer you see
\nIs it\u2019s ringing for thee,
\nAnd you\u2019re Donne for, or so I hear tell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

When I ponder the night I met Belle
\nAll the veins in my neck start to swell.
\nShe was coy, I had gold;
\nShe took charge, I got rolled \u2013
\nBut \u2019twas ME spent the night in a cell!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

From the depths of Political Hell
\nCame the sharp, metaphorical yell
\nOf a crotch-grabbing schmuck
\nWith his short fingers stuck
\nIn the crack of the Liberty Bell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

When someone says \u201cclear as a bell\u201d
\nMy question is: how does it knell?
\nDoes transparency bring
\nA much zingier ding,
\nWith a dong that is longer as well?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Westin:<\/p>\n

\nIn the old days \u2019twas telephone hell
\nWhen the circuits were ruled by Ma Bell,
\nTill a wireless coup
\nPromised freedom anew.
\nBut we wound up enslaved by the cell.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Ten items at checkout? Oh hell!
\nI\u2019ve eleven, but no one can tell.
\nI just must buy that treat
\nOr my doggie won\u2019t eat.
\n(And what a cool way to rebel!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Stephen Whitred says:<\/p>\n

What I said was as clear as a bell,
\nAnd our summit was super and swell.
\nHe\u2019s my biggily bear,
\nAnd I really don\u2019t care
\nThat he calls me his mademoiselle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nA woman was hotter than hell,
\nBut she couldn\u2019t do math very well.
\n\u201cFour plus four\u2019s forty-four.
\nMaybe less? Maybe more?\u201d
\nShe\u2019s well-known as a true ding-dong belle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

In high school, I always did well,
\nBut my shyness made being there hell.
\nMy virginity loomed
\n(I\u2019d have sworn I was doomed);
\nThen, at prom, I was saved by the belle.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PUNISHMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

And now, for his manifold sins,
\nTrump\u2019s punishment truly begins:
\nHis dreadful remarks
\nGot the man who hates sharks
\nIn hot water, surrounded by Fin(n)s.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n

Trump would punish potential rebellion
\nBy demanding that each wanton hellion
\nWatch his face night and day,
\nAnd hear all that he\u2019d say.
\nHis draconian touch was Orwellian.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Snatching kids makes America big?
\nThrow the Snatcher-in-Chief in the brig!
\nMake him pay for his fun:
\nGive that immigrant\u2019s son
\nA new jumpsuit \u2014 same shade as his wig.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

You\u2019ve committed a terrible crime,
\nBut you’d rather not serve lots of time.
\nDisinclined to repentance?
\nThen ponder this sentence:
\nOld Sparky is truly sublime!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

At dinner, if ever I said
\nSomething nasty, they sent me to bed —
\nSo I often was rude:
\n“Reading’s better than food;
\nLet my brothers do dishes instead!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m emotional during my time,
\nAnd I sob at the drop of a dime.
\nI was wailing when nailed;
\nNow I\u2019m wailing while jailed.
\nI-I\u2019m putting the cry-y in crime.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Poor Billy. He fell for the spell Of the belle of the ball. All was well, \u2019Til he swung her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[49,62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,5106,4842,2538,5009,5018,5144,2626,5052,3342,3167,5145,3543,487,523],"class_list":["post-40605","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-behavior-personality","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-reddekopp","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-ken-gosse","tag-konrad-schwoerke","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-mark-westin","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-steve-whitred","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-will-t-laughlin","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40605","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40605"}],"version-history":[{"count":41,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40605\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40654,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40605\/revisions\/40654"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40605"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40605"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40605"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}