{"id":40572,"date":"2018-07-07T22:32:03","date_gmt":"2018-07-08T02:32:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40572"},"modified":"2018-07-07T22:35:45","modified_gmt":"2018-07-08T02:35:45","slug":"limerick-off-award-301","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/07\/07\/limerick-off-award-301\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (301)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Her car\u2019d broken down in Nantucket.
\nA driver pulled up. She said, \u201cFuck it!
\nThe engine won\u2019t go.
\nCould you give me a tow?\u201d
\nSo he pulled off a shoe and said \u201cSuck it.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special Joint-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I wondered, when handed the ointment,
\nExactly what \u201crub on your joint\u201d meant,
\n\u2019Cause needless to say,
\nI was wasted that day.
\nAnd that reefer? A big disappointment.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman, Chad Parenteau,<\/a> Sharon Neeman, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Wendy Watson, Tony Holmes, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TOE\/TOW\/CHATEAU” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The challenge was touching your toe;
\nBent over, how low could you go?
\nYears later, we\u2019re told
\nThat instruction was sold
\nBy pill makers needing to grow.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

My Labrador loves tic tac toe
\nAnd considers herself quite a pro.
\nYet I win every game,
\nAnd it\u2019s really a shame
\nThat she can\u2019t tell an \u201cx\u201d from an \u201co.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Chad Parenteau:<\/p>\n

There once was a man on the go
\nWho ended up breaking his toe.
\nInsurance insisted
\nThe pain pre-existed,
\nAnd all he could do was cry, \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Said the lass to the big-footed trucker,
\n“Can you tow me?” — eyes wide, lips a-pucker.
\n“I sure can, dear — let’s go!”
\nWhereupon his big toe
\nWas employed by the trucker to fuck her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

In Phantom, a musical show,
\nThere\u2019s a moment of \u201cLook out below!\u201d
\nThe chandelier crashes.
\nThe panicked crowd dashes,
\nAnd that\u2019s how I broke my big toe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s how his morning would go:
\nHe started off stubbing a toe.
\nThe car wouldn\u2019t start;
\nThen a seatmate did fart
\nOn a crowded bus going too slow.<\/p>\n

Arriving at work rather late,
\nHis boss \u2013 a real jerk \u2013 hollered \u201cNate!
\nWe\u2019re giving your job
\nTo a newbie named Rob;
\nAnd you\u2019re to take mine \u2013 which you\u2019ll hate.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (JOINT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

There are sex joints for prosties and panders;
\nThere are card joints for slick sleight-of-handers;
\nBut the joint that I choose
\nIs the one that made news
\nKicking out Sarah Huckabee Sanders.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

At \u2018The Family Butcher,\u2019 they say
\nHalf their family vanished away.
\nWhen they looked in the shop
\nThey found joints of Grandpop,
\nLeg of Dad, and poor Mother\u2019s filet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I tried this new stuff from a jar
\nWhich claims it will help you “go far.”
\nIt oils up your knees
\nSo that running’s a breeze.
\n(And it also works great on your car.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wendy Watson:<\/p>\n

My joints are engendering pain,
\nAnd I\u2019ll never do handstands again.
\nAs for pli\u00e9s \u2013 no chance,
\nAnd a hot salsa dance
\nWould result in a gluteal strain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

It attacks, unannounced, in one spot,
\nThen retrenches and takes its next shot.
\nAnkles, knees and big toes \u2013
\nSometimes heels; then gout goes
\nAnd resurfaces where it was not.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I once knew a woman named Lee;
\nWhat a great source of fun she could be!
\nAlways good for a buzz,
\nDouble-jointed she was.
\nThat\u2019s to say: one for her, one for me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

In my youth I knew nothing of dread;
\nLeapt, gazelle-like, each morning from bed.
\nBut today, should I leap,
\nI\u2019d collapse in a heap;
\nSeems the springbok within me has fled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Her car\u2019d broken down in Nantucket. A driver pulled up. She said, \u201cFuck it! The engine won\u2019t go. Could you give […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,5162,4465,3523,2538,5009,5018,5144,5052,3167,5145,5167,487,523],"class_list":["post-40572","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-chad-parenteau","tag-dave-johnson","tag-fred-bortz","tag-konrad-schwoerke","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-tim-james","tag-tony-holmes","tag-wendy-watson","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40572","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40572"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40572\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40602,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40572\/revisions\/40602"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}