{"id":40525,"date":"2018-06-23T22:39:34","date_gmt":"2018-06-24T02:39:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40525"},"modified":"2018-06-23T22:58:14","modified_gmt":"2018-06-24T02:58:14","slug":"limerick-off-award-300","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/06\/23\/limerick-off-award-300\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (300)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A gal with an awesome physique
\nAnd a smile that\u2019s sublime and unique
\nFills my every need
\nWith both ardor and speed.
\n(It\u2019s my third trip to Hooters this week.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special Vision\/Eye-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The surgeon believed it was wise
\nTo operate on his own eyes.
\nHis team expressed doubt
\nWhen the scalpel came out.
\n“Suture self!” were his colleagues’ replies.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Lisi Nortman, Edmund Conti, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Armchair Poet, Wendy Watson, Kirk Miller, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WEAK\/WEEK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I caught that louse, Robert last week
\nAt \u201cLa Cheat On Your Spouse\u201d near the creek:
\nFirst a passionate kiss
\nWith such obvious bliss,
\nThen a slow dance for two, \u201cSneak To Sneak.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

My joints are beginning to creak,
\nAnd my legs are increasingly weak.
\nBut although I am slowing,
\nMy value is growing;
\nI\u2019ll soon be a priceless antique.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Edmund Conti:<\/p>\n

A common cartoonist technique
\nIs drawing a mouse. You scream \u201ceek!\u201d
\nAnd jump on a chair
\nConveniently there.
\nThe last panel is typically weak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Armchair Poet:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s SAD when deplorables seek
\nA strongman with morals so weak.
\nThey claim to be winning.
\nIt looks more like sinning,
\nWith a future increasingly bleak.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wendy Watson:<\/p>\n

A sporting young lady called Clare
\nTried a parachute jump for a dare.
\nThough her nerves were quite weak
\nShe survived the technique,
\nThough she landed with legs in the air!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (VISION\/EYE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

An optometrist\u2019s office implies
\nIt\u2019s a place where this saying applies:
\n“If your vision is wrecked,
\nYou should go get it checked
\nAt a place that\u2019s a site for sore eyes.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

There’s not a thing wrong with my eyes!
\nBut the newspaper font’s gone half-size,
\nAnd my glasses and keys
\nDisappear with great ease
\nTill I find them again by surprise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

My vision is still pretty hot,
\nAnd I don\u2019t use my glasses a lot,
\nThough I put on my specs
\nWhen indulging in sex
\nTo ensure that I find the right spot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

He held up some letters to view
\nThen said, “Try to read just a few.”
\nI looked up and down
\nAnd replied with a frown:
\n“Sorry, Doc, I can’t even see YOU.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Visine never works, \u2019cause I blink,
\nAnd the drops just land right in the sink.
\nDown my cheeks the tears roll.
\nI\u2019ve got zero control,
\nSo my eyes remain itchy and pink.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a myth that my mom used to tell:
\n\u201cSelf-abuse shoots your eyesight to hell
\nQuite inexorably.”
\nBut that\u2019s bunk. I can see
\nEv\u2019ry hair on my palms very well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He sat on a boat in the bay
\nAnd stared at his phone come what may.
\nWhale watchers nearby
\nClaim he never did spy
\nThat dorsal fin ten feet away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m annoyed at my dense husband Fred,
\nWho at times will act just like he\u2019s dead.
\nHe won\u2019t help clean the house,
\nHe a shiftless \u2019ole spouse,
\nAnd I think that his \u201clazy eye\u2019s\u201d spread.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A gal with an awesome physique And a smile that\u2019s sublime and unique Fills my every need With both ardor and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[5158,4003,4465,2558,3523,5106,3284,5009,5018,4526,5052,3167,5167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40525"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40525"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40525\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40567,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40525\/revisions\/40567"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40525"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40525"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40525"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}