{"id":40406,"date":"2018-05-27T00:56:49","date_gmt":"2018-05-27T04:56:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40406"},"modified":"2018-05-27T01:07:28","modified_gmt":"2018-05-27T05:07:28","slug":"limerick-off-award-298","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/05\/27\/limerick-off-award-298\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (298)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

An amorous couple began
\nCanoodling back in the can.
\nSix miles up above,
\nMaking passionate love;
\nA door lock was part of the plan.<\/p>\n

But turbulence had its own way;
\nAn air pocket ruined their play.
\nAs they both tumbled out,
\nThe fellow would shout:
\n\u201cWe\u2019re flying United, OK?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GIFT-Themed Limerick Award for this limerick, which is both funny and educational:<\/p>\n

A Berliner whose marital bed
\nHad grown cold took a mistress instead.
\nHis Frau was quite miffed.
\nSo she gave him a Gift,
\nWhich is German for \u201cpoison.\u201d He\u2019s dead.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

My 80-year-old Grandpa Solly
\nHad a sexy young neighbor named Polly.
\nOn his birthday, she said,
\n“If you come to my bed,
\nI’ll give you good times with my dolly.”<\/p>\n

Since Solly’s a family man,
\nHe first asked his wife, Grandma Fran.
\nWith a smile sweet and wide,
\nShe most sagely replied,
\n“Of course, dear. You may… if you can.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Tony Holmes, Mike Shulman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Armchair Poet, Patrice Stewart, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman, and Fred Bortz.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cCAN\u201d RHYME LIMERICK THAT IS ALSO GIFT-THEMED)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

My cat’s an incurable giver,
\nThough her presents do cause me to shiver:
\nShe’ll bring into the house
\nA dead lizard or mouse
\nOr what once was a bird’s heart or liver.<\/p>\n

If she hasn’t been hunting that day,
\nShe will give me a hairball (oy vey!)
\nIt’s all part of her plan:
\nShe just does what she can
\nTo make sure I don’t give her away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CAN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

\u201cI give you permission. You may.
\nSo, do not demur, or delay.
\nAre you able? You can?
\nOh, that\u2019s splendid! Good man!
\nWell, do carry on then. Good day!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Shulman:<\/p>\n

A homely old dullard named Danny
\nThought to spice up the look of his fanny.
\nHe sat on a fan,
\nThus dissecting one can,
\nAnd declared his new profile uncanny.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember who said \u2018Yes we can\u2019?\u201d
\nSaid the Donald. \u201cWell, I gotta plan
\nTo destroy every act,
\nEvery treaty or pact
\nThat the Kenyan impostor began!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

He looked rich, he walked tall, he talked swell,
\nAnd he turned women’s heads — but the smell
\nThat he left in the can
\nWas sufficient to ban
\nHim forever from every hotel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Armchair Poet:<\/p>\n

When his search for VP first began,
\nTrump desired an affirmative man.
\nSo when asked if he\u2019d mind
\nKissing lots of behind,
\n\u201cNot at all\u201d Pence replied, \u201cI sure can!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Patrice Stewart:<\/p>\n

When she dances the can-can, you can
\nSee exactly where (blank) meets that tan.
\nAs her long legs kicked higher,
\nHis groin was on fire \u2013
\nEyes met, he waved cash: happy man.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I built Drea, my droid, with a bust
\nMade from milk jugs, quite large and out-thrust.
\nHer butt\u2019s smooth and tan
\n(It\u2019s an old root beer can.)
\nNow my toaster is burning with lust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

A part of me says that I wouldn\u2019t
\nAnother\u2019s convinced that I couldn\u2019t.
\nBut why not? I\u2019m a MAN;
\nI\u2019m allowed if I can!
\nThe judge took the view that I shouldn\u2019t.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

My cooking\u2019s the best\u2014I\u2019m the man\u2014
\nIf you like all your meals from a can.
\nI can make stuff from scratch,
\nBut it varies by batch;
\nYou might say it\u2019s a flash in the pan.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

When thinking you can\u2019t but you can,
\nJust try with this one simple plan:
\nPut the usual don’ts
\nIn a box with your won’ts,
\nThen begin like before they began.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GIFT-GIVING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The horse was enormous, of teak;
\nThe Trojans admired its physique.
\nSaid Hector,\u201dIt\u2019s nice,
\nBut how much is the price?\u201d
\n\u201cNone at all, it\u2019s a gift\u201d, said the Greek<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

I bought some perfume for Marie,
\nWho then handed it over to Leigh.
\nLeigh gave it to Jo,
\nWho said, “Here’s a gift, Flo.”
\nTwo weeks later, it came back to me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Sometimes gifts don’t result from affection;
\nSometimes motives do not pass inspection —
\nAnd the proof can be seen
\nBack in 2016,
\nWhen the Russians gave Trump the election.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Armchair Poet:<\/p>\n

Brian\u2019s poems are far too sublime.
\nBut perhaps he\u2019ll have mercy next time.
\nAs a gift to us all,
\nHe could just take the fall,
\nAnd compose an inferior rhyme.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

In politics, wouldn\u2019t you know,
\nThat when given a quid, there\u2019s a quo.
\nSo when getting a gift,
\nYou had better be swift
\nTo respond with whatever you owe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

In order to patch up their rift,
\nHe opted to buy her a gift.
\nHis choice was a wig
\nThree sizes too big;
\nReaction was angry and swift.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick: An amorous couple began Canoodling back in the can. Six miles up above, Making passionate love; A door lock was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5158,4003,4465,3523,2538,5009,5018,4526,5096,2225,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40406"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40406"}],"version-history":[{"count":33,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40406\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40452,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40406\/revisions\/40452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}