{"id":40362,"date":"2018-05-12T22:18:59","date_gmt":"2018-05-13T02:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40362"},"modified":"2018-05-12T22:32:56","modified_gmt":"2018-05-13T02:32:56","slug":"limerick-off-award-297","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/05\/12\/limerick-off-award-297\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (297)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

It isn’t an absence of will
\nThat makes pelicans gorge till they’re ill:
\nThey acquired great fame
\nIn the fish-catching game,
\nAnd they have to keep filling the bill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR,<\/a> who wins the Special BEAUTY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Oh, those contests! The Donald would feast
\nWith his lecherous hands (at the least)
\nOn each startled young cutie;
\nEach barely-clad beauty
\nWas grabbed by a waddling beast.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom,<\/a> Armchair Poet, Jean McEwen, Val Fish, Patrice Stewart, Tim James, Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar,<\/a> Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, and Stephen Fleming. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BILL” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Ira Bloom: <\/p>\n

\u201cDo these jeans make my butt look big, Bill?\u201d
\nAsked the wife, in a voice that was shrill.
\n\u201cNot at all,\u201d he replied,
\nIn a tone that was snide,
\n\u201cBut you might want to lay off the krill.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Armchair Poet:<\/p>\n

On 5th Ave, with a gun, he could kill.
\nAnd his base would blame Hillary, still.
\nTrump\u2019s affairs and assaults,
\nThey just call minor faults.
\nSomething MUCH worse was done first by Bill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

Someone snorted cocaine for a thrill,
\nAnd left snot on this ten dollar bill.
\nI\u2019m imploring you, honey,
\nPlease launder the money.
\nScrub it well, \u2019cause I\u2019m feeling quite ill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Val Fish:<\/p>\n

The cigar trick had proved a great thrill.
\nIt was all going well up until
\nHe came on her dress,
\nA warm sticky mess,
\nBut she saved on the dry cleaning bill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Patrice Stewart:<\/p>\n

Yvonne went prepared for it all:
\nWhip, stilettos, red lips, six feet tall.
\nClients gasped at her skill,
\nMeekly paying the bill
\nOn those evenings when she was on call.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

For decades, O\u2019Reilly\u2019s big thrill
\nWas harassing the ladies, until
\nFox figured it out.
\nThen they booted the lout.
\n\u2019Twas one hell of an overdue Bill.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEAUTY LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

I’m wondering just what they think —
\nThose people who preen, primp and prink,
\nWho make it their duty
\nTo spend cash on beauty,
\nIgnoring the fact that they stink.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said the Donald, \u201cThat girl was a beaut!
\nA Russian musician, so cute.
\nThough she played the viola,
\nSome good ol\u2019 payola
\nSoon taught her to blow on my flute.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman:<\/p>\n

Ms. Senior America\u2019s soon,
\nAnd I want all the judges to swoon.
\nThe winner will be
\n(And all must agree)
\nThe gal who looks least like a prune.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Her beauty is known far and wide;
\nSo many have been by her side.
\nMajestic and tall,
\nShe has welcomed them all;
\nOur symbol of national pride.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Armchair Poet:<\/p>\n

A girl who starts out as a cutie,
\nAnd yearns to become a great beauty,
\nMust read Glamour and Elle,
\nVogue and Harper\u2019s as well;
\nA chore, but it\u2019s really her duty.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Stephen B. Fleming:<\/p>\n

Letitia, the loveliest lass,
\nHas a glorious bosom and ass.
\nEither coming or going,
\nHer best side is showing.
\nTake a gander; it’s truly first-class.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: It isn’t an absence of will That makes pelicans gorge till they’re ill: They acquired great fame In the fish-catching game, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[5158,4003,4465,2373,5106,5009,5018,5144,2225,5052,3189,3167,4084,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40362"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40362"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40398,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40362\/revisions\/40398"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}