{"id":40335,"date":"2018-04-28T23:38:01","date_gmt":"2018-04-29T03:38:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40335"},"modified":"2018-04-29T13:22:11","modified_gmt":"2018-04-29T17:22:11","slug":"limerick-off-award-296","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/04\/28\/limerick-off-award-296\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (296)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I research old age and disease,
\nBut it\u2019s grim, so I joke and I tease.
\nMy new study\u2019s complex;
\nIt involves lots of sex-
\nAgenarian interviewees.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special EGO-Themed Limerick Award for this clever ACROSTIC limerick:<\/p>\n

T<\/strong>here\u2019s nobody smarter than me;
\nR<\/strong>enowned as no other can be.
\nU<\/strong>nlike all the rest,
\nM<\/strong>y brain is the best;
\nP<\/strong>erfection, you\u2019ll have to agree!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar<\/a>, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Bob Dvorak, Brenda Bryant a\/k\/a Rinkly Rimes,<\/a> Fred Bortz,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Tim James, and Byron Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TEASE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Mar-a-Lago: surrounded by tees,
\nThe hooker was down on her knees.
\nBut she laughed when he stood
\nAnd presented his \u201cwood\u201d \u2013
\nIt was roughly the size of a bee\u2019s.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Spring means ditching our sweaters for tees,
\nShowing ankles and calves — perhaps knees —
\nAnd, alone in the grass
\nWith a lad or a lass,
\nJoining in with the birds and the bees.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

At the beauty salon, I said \u201cPlease:
\nI need highlights, a trim, and a tease.\u201d
\nNow, my hair\u2019s full of mats,
\nLike a nest full of rats.
\nOn my head there\u2019s a hive full of bees!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes:<\/p>\n

When Black Widow Nellie\u2019s in heat
\nEvery male on her menu is sweet.
\nShe will put them at ease,
\nWith some tickle and tease,
\nThen it\u2019s consummate nuptials \u2013 and eat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

Please enjoy our assorted fine teas.
\nDomestic? Perhaps Cantonese?
\nWe’ve added some weed
\nTo assure that, indeed,
\nYou’ll come back and request a reprise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Dvorak:<\/p>\n

My son, in his 2\u2019s, pushing 3\u2019s,
\nBegs me, \u201cDaddy, please help me out, please!
\n\u201cIt\u2019s the AY-BEE-CEE song
\n\u201cThat\u2019s just awfully long!
\n\u201cI can never get past AR-ESS-TEEs!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brenda Bryant: <\/p>\n

I am prone to forgetting my keys,
\nOr they fall down the back of settees.
\nIt is rather a bore
\nWhen I can\u2019t lock the door,
\nBut the burglars can get in with ease.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

He orders, “Get down on your knees,
\nAnd prove that you know how to please
\nWith your full, ruby lips.
\nThen let’s finish with whips.”
\nOh, that Marquis de Sade’s such a tease!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The dancers \u2013 all handsome and thrilling,
\nHave clients so happy and willing.
\nWith ladies to please
\nThey are more than a tease;
\nTheir job is both hard and fulfilling.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (EGO LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz, who calls his limerick “In-augur-ation Day”:<\/p>\n

\nHe dismisses the experts (statistical),
\nAnd relies on his sycophants (mystical),
\nWhose tally (“Oh, Mama!
\nYou’ve doubled Obama.”)
\nFeeds into his needs (egoistical).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

When he says “I’m the best! Did you ever
\nKnow anyone my kind of clever?”
\nI won’t spew, gag, or fart;
\nWith my hand on my heart,
\nI’ll say “No, Mr. President. Never.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

I suspect that the famed Sigmund Freud
\nWould with me be profoundly annoyed.
\nMy id has gone wild.
\nMy virtue, defiled.
\nMy ego? It\u2019s underemployed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

In Paris, the Hilton’s elite,
\nBut the girl with that name ain’t so sweet.
\nShe thinks that she’s great,
\nJust really first-rate;
\nShe even will kiss her own feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

If it\u2019s brains that you want, I\u2019m the best;
\nAnd my wit far outshines all the rest.
\nBut you\u2019ll soon come to see
\nWhat\u2019s the best about me:
\nI\u2019m so humble. You\u2019ll be quite impressed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re human, you need to be right;
\nSomeone tells you you\u2019re wrong, it\u2019s a slight.
\nDespite tiptoes and tact,
\nWatch the ego react
\nEvery time, and defensively fight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I research old age and disease, But it\u2019s grim, so I joke and I tease. My new study\u2019s complex; It involves […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3115,2353,4003,2578,4465,3523,5106,2538,5009,5018,5144,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40335"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40335"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40335\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40358,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40335\/revisions\/40358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}