{"id":40226,"date":"2018-04-14T21:06:32","date_gmt":"2018-04-15T01:06:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40226"},"modified":"2018-04-14T21:10:40","modified_gmt":"2018-04-15T01:10:40","slug":"limerick-off-award-295","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/04\/14\/limerick-off-award-295\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (295)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019re much bigger than Clark,\u201d
\nMurmured Lois. They stripped in the dark.
\n\u201cNow, do me in doggy.\u201d
\nOn sex, he was foggy,
\nSo Superman started to bark.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to RANDOLPH WAGNER, who wins the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Birds chirp with great gusto. Bees hum.
\nJack caresses Jill’s well-rounded bum.
\nThese are signs of the season,
\nBoth bawdy and pleasin’,
\nSince Jack, Jill, and spring have all come.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Springtime! I\u2019m gonna embark
\nOn destroying each national park.
\nInstead of birds trilling,
\nYou\u2019ll hear only drilling.
\nSigned, X\u201d (the illiterate\u2019s mark)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz,<\/a> Marty Gerendasy, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Konrad Schwoerke, Doug Harris, Bruce Niedt,<\/a> John Bergstrom, Byron Miller, Tony Holmes, Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BARK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

In my favorite botanical park
\nThere’s a sign someone wrote on a lark:
\n“This tree\u2019s no magnolia.
\nIt\u2019s dogwood, I tol\u2019 ya.
\nI know by the sound of its bark.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

Every night the young man would embark
\nTo a nice cozy spot in the park.
\nIn a place cool and shady
\nHe’d meet a young lady
\nWho’d do her best work after dark.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

They had started to “park” in the dark
\nWhen her Peke nipped his hand — left a mark!
\n“Damn that pooch!” he complained;
\nShe shrugged, “Why? He’s well trained!
\nDid you notice? Not even a bark!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been ratted out bad by a narc.
\nNow they\u2019re raiding the damn trailer park.
\nToss the stash in the trash!
\nStuff the cash in the cache!
\nATTACK, useless mutt! Don\u2019t just bark!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke: <\/p>\n

My paranoid neighbor named Mark
\nOnce had dogs that would constantly bark.
\nThen the law came and caught \u2019em;
\nI cheered when they got \u2019em,
\nBut now there\u2019s a moat with a shark.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Doug Harris: <\/p>\n

He played with black holes for a lark,
\nHis matter essentially dark.
\nAnd still we\u2019re uncorking
\nThe theories of Hawking,
\nWith infinite bytes to his bark \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce Niedt: <\/p>\n

A frustrated beaver named Clark
\nGnawed at trees, leaving nary a mark.
\nSaid his dentist, “It’s clear
\nWhat is going on here –
\nYour bite is much worse than your bark.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Bergstrom: <\/p>\n

Some sailors debarked in the dark
\nAnd hurried downtown for a lark.
\nIt\u2019s not like you heard \u2013
\nThey just wanted a bird
\nTo sing to them back on the barque.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller: <\/p>\n

Skipper sailed round the point in the dark;
\nWe\u2019d been blown by the gale, off the mark.
\nThough we tried a broad reach,
\nWe washed up on the beach:
\nAnd the bight did its worst to the barque.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tony Holmes: <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, our dogs like to roam after dark,
\nAnd we give them the run of the park.
\nIt\u2019s unwise to intrude;
\nIf you do, then you\u2019re food.
\nAnd a dog busy bitin\u2019 don\u2019t bark.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPRING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

Frigid blasts from the north, they still blow,
\nAnd the sidewalks are buried in snow.
\nIt’s supposed to be spring,
\nBut that don’t mean a thing
\nWhen the wind chill is forty below!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s springtime. The world is bucolic,
\nAnd lovers are eager to frolic.
\nThat\u2019s the goal of the chase,
\nBut prepare, just in case,
\nWith a bev’rage (of course, alcoholic.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

From the slammer, I\u2019m planning to spring.
\nBut first, I need someone to bring
\nMe a shiv, drill, and wrench.
\nThen I\u2019ll dig a deep trench.
\nAnd make sure that my cellmate don\u2019t sing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

It\u2019s springtime \u2013 we\u2019re Marching away
\nFrom snowy and blowy each day.
\nWe\u2019ll put up with showers
\nThat grow April flowers;
\nAnd hope to warm up, come what May.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: <\/p>\n

Is it April in Paris again?
\nI fondly remember just when
\nThe trees were in bloom,
\nThey smelled like perfume,
\nAnd I drowned that damn cheat in the Seine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Do you know what I hate about Spring?
\nIt\u2019s this \u201cpaying the IRS\u201d thing.
\nWhat\u2019s OK to deduct?
\n(Oh my God, I\u2019m so fuct.)
\nIt all ends with my ass in a sling.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: \u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019re much bigger than Clark,\u201d Murmured Lois. They stripped in the dark. \u201cNow, do me in doggy.\u201d On sex, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[4003,2374,2578,4465,3362,3523,5106,5107,2538,5009,5018,5144,4658,4763,5052,3167,5145,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40226"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40226"}],"version-history":[{"count":39,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40226\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40303,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40226\/revisions\/40303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}