{"id":40169,"date":"2018-03-17T22:18:02","date_gmt":"2018-03-18T02:18:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40169"},"modified":"2018-03-17T22:20:35","modified_gmt":"2018-03-18T02:20:35","slug":"limerick-off-award-294","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/03\/17\/limerick-off-award-294\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (294)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to RANDY WAGNER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A laptop who loved to cavort
\nWith connective devices for sport
\nGushed, \u201cI\u2019ll always enable
\nA USB cable
\nAdapted to turn on my port.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special CLOCK-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A mouse had been warned of the clock:
\n\u201cIt\u2019s electric and likely to shock.\u201d
\nThis advice went unheeded,
\nSo now what is needed
\nIs a hickory dickory doc.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mike Shulman, Kirk Miller, John Bergstrom, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Tim James, Dave Johnson, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Kathleen Bartoletti, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PORT” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Mike Shulman:<\/p>\n

Claimed a windbag in Bankruptcy Court:
\n\u201cI\u2019m a stud in a ladies resort.\u201d
\nBut on spying his tool,
\nThe judge ruled the fool
\nHad no visible means of support.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

At a nuclear plant, they abort
\nOperations while trying to thwart
\nRadiational leaks.
\nAn inspector then speaks,
\nAnd he gives them a glowing report.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Bergstrom:<\/p>\n

De pirates were drinking de port.
\nThey were down to their very last quart.
\nBut de porter came by
\nAnd renewed their supply \u2013
\nHe re-ported \u2019em, \u2019fore they ran short.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

They frolicked at Trumpster’s resort
\nAnd elsewhere, the papers report.
\nA tryst in Chicago?
\nPerhaps Mar-a-Lago?
\nThen Stormy says, “See you in Court!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

A yoga instructor named Mort
\nGave students some extra support.
\n\u201cDo you have time to meet
\nOne-on-one?\u201d asked young Pete.
\n\u201cI\u2019m flexible,\u201d came the retort.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A sailor, a free-spending sort,
\nHired a hooker for sexual sport.
\nHe said, between sighs
\nAs she straddled his thighs,
\n\u201cLean a bit more to starboard! Now port!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

With climate change, time\u2019s running short;
\nThat ice melt will fail to abort.
\nProceeding this way,
\nIn Phoenix some day
\nThey\u2019ll have to establish a port.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CLOCK LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Daylight Saving Time’s playing its tricks:
\nI’m in Israel; my cuz from the sticks
\nOf New Jersey just phoned;
\n“Five AM here!” I groaned.
\n“Oh no, really? I thought it was six!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen:<\/p>\n

Their functions are fairly routine:
\nSound alarms, say when meetings convene.
\nThe typical clock
\nJust goes tick and then tock,
\nBut YOUR clock? Now, that one I\u2019ll clean!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kathleen Bartoletti: <\/p>\n

She heard her bi’logical clock
\nLoud and clear, and with ev’ry tick tock,
\nShe cried and thought maybe
\nInstead of a baby,
\nShe’d be forced to adopt a Pet Rock.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

She sighed. She\u2019d been sucking his cock
\nFor a couple of hours by the clock,
\nBut the guy was still limp.
\n\u201cFake news!\u201d cried the wimp.
\n\u201cI\u2019m the Donald. I\u2019m hard as a rock!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

My clocks used to tick on the wall,
\nAnd a grandfather chimed in the hall.
\nNow they hide, half unseen,
\nAt the edge of my screen,
\nWith no ticking or chiming at all.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

It looked like the win was a lock;
\nSo coaches said \u201cRun out the clock.\u201d
\nBut things happened fast,
\nTheir lead wouldn\u2019t last;
\nWhich won them some papers that walk.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cSpring forward, fall back.\u201d He had mocked
\nThat old bromide, but now he was shocked.
\nHe was one hour late
\nFor his meeting at eight.
\nWith the time change, he\u2019d gone off half-clocked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to RANDY WAGNER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A laptop who loved to cavort With connective devices for sport Gushed, \u201cI\u2019ll always enable A USB cable Adapted to turn […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,5106,5107,4849,3284,2538,5009,5018,5096,4763,5052,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40169"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40169"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40224,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40169\/revisions\/40224"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}