{"id":40111,"date":"2018-03-03T23:50:18","date_gmt":"2018-03-04T03:50:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40111"},"modified":"2018-03-04T00:03:10","modified_gmt":"2018-03-04T04:03:10","slug":"limerick-off-award-293","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/03\/03\/limerick-off-award-293\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (293)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

When the doc said, “Ovarian cyst,”
\nShe added his name to the list
\nOf clueless physicians
\nWho fail in their missions.
\nShe’s trans, which he somehow had missed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to RANDOLPH WAGNER, who wins the Special HAIR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Before her Brazilian, Miss Claire
\nGrew a raggedy thicket down there.
\nAlthough follicly taxing,
\nIts waning by waxing
\nLeft Claire’s hairy lair fairly bare.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, David Reddekopp,<\/a> Mike Shulman, Bob Dvorak, Kirk Miller, John Bergstrom, Ailsa McKillop, Mike Burch,<\/a> Jean McEwen, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar, Judith H. Block,<\/a> and Byron Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“INSIST or PERSIST or ASSIST or CYST” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Hubby checked out his phone while he pissed,
\nAnd — pre-dick-tably — some of it missed.
\nNow the loo stinks like hell,
\nBut he claims there’s no smell!
\nOh, I wish he would cease and desist!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

I was nearing the end of my rope.
\nWould the government give me some hope?
\nTheir reply left me pissed:
\n\u201cIf these problems persist
\nThey\u2019re built into the system, so cope.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Shulman:<\/p>\n

A ribald gent liked to insist
\nHe could come with a flick of the wrist.
\nHe flicked when a cop
\nMade a brief traffic stop,
\nAnd was slapped with a \u201ccease and desist.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

“My brother’s disgusting!” she hissed.
\n“Did you hear what he said? I’m so pissed:
\n‘If adding E-R
\nTakes a word twice as far,
\nThen a sister’s just worse than a cyst’!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Dvorak:<\/p>\n

\nSome readers will find themselves pissed
\nWhen on viewpoints I loudly insist.
\n\u2019Twould be better, I say,
\nTo debate, than say “Nay!”
\nPresent FACTS that one cannot resist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Charles Dickens could never resist
\nA martini; the yearn would persist.
\nSo the bartender spoke
\nSeven words as a joke:
\n\u201cHey there Charlie, want Olive or Twist?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Bergstrom:<\/p>\n

There was a young man who\u2019d insist
\nHe could shop without making a list.
\n\u201cFor the last seven weeks
\nI\u2019ve bought nothing but leeks.
\nI don\u2019t care if my girlfriend gets pissed!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ailsa McKillop:<\/p>\n

The round table game did persist.
\nEv’ry man held some cards in his fist.
\nWith expressionless mien
\nI\u2019d have savoured the scene,
\nIf how poker was played I had wist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (HAIR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Mike Burch:<\/p>\n

The hair flap was truly a scare:
\nTrump\u2019s bald as a billiard back there!
\nThe whole nation laughed
\nAt the state of his graft;
\nNow the man\u2019s wigging out, so beware!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jean McEwen: <\/p>\n

I thought that I\u2019d reached for shampoo,
\nBut now the damn comb won\u2019t go through.
\nAlthough properly tagged,
\nThe wrong bottle I grabbed.
\nAnd that\u2019s why my hair is now goo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

I try to take aging with grace,
\nDespite wrinkles and sags in my face.
\nThings have slowed down a lot.
\nBut there\u2019s one thing that\u2019s not:
\nIt\u2019s my hairline, retreating apace.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Rapunzel, please let down your hair;
\nA fellow from Guinness is there.
\nHe\u2019ll measure your tresses,
\nAnd my simple guess is
\nThe record, with inches to spare.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cSo waddya think of my hair?\u201d
\nSaid the Donald. She gave him a stare.
\n\u201cWell, the color \u2013 bright yellow \u2013
\nIs odd for a fellow,
\nAnd most of it just isn\u2019t there.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judith H. Block: <\/p>\n

The guy was as huge as a bear,
\nSo drunk, he slid off the bar chair;
\nHe took a large swig,
\nThen he grabbed at her wig,
\nShe truly escaped by a hair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller:<\/p>\n

\nThough his trumped-up successes, he\u2019ll flaunt,
\nSaying, \u201cLet\u2019s make the deal that YOU want.\u201d
\nI just can\u2019t trust a guy
\nWith his hair piled up high
\nIn a puffed-up big bulbous bouffant.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\nWhile Elvis was known for his hair,
\nHis fans were more likely to stare
\nAt the gyrating show
\nGoing on down below;
\nA pelvis with follicle flair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: When the doc said, “Ovarian cyst,” She added his name to the list Of clueless physicians Who fail in their missions. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,352,42,103],"tags":[3559,3115,4003,2578,4465,4525,3523,5106,5107,3570,3284,5009,5018,4878,5096,4763,5052,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-40111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limerick-offs","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-ailsa-mckillop","tag-bob-dvorak","tag-brian-allgar","tag-byron-miller","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-reddekopp","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jean-mcewen","tag-john-bergstrom","tag-judith-h-block","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-mike-burch","tag-mike-shulman","tag-randolph-wagner","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40111"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40111\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40157,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40111\/revisions\/40157"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}