{"id":40071,"date":"2018-02-17T23:33:36","date_gmt":"2018-02-18T03:33:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40071"},"modified":"2018-02-17T23:46:14","modified_gmt":"2018-02-18T03:46:14","slug":"limerick-off-award-292","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/02\/17\/limerick-off-award-292\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (292)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m skinny, a virtual rail,
\nAnd I tip one-fifteen on the scale.
\nPeople say, \u201cYou should eat!
\nTry some wholesome white meat!\u201d
\nBut at chicken and turkey I quail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special Winter Olympics-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nThe judge from each country inspects
\nEvery move that the couple selects
\nFor their dance on the ice.
\nSo they heed this advice:
\nYou can win if you simulate sex.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Bob Dvorak, Michael Moulton,<\/a> Sharon Neeman, Nancy Stanley, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp<\/a>, Scott Crowder, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RAIL\/DERAIL RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Craig Dykstra: <\/p>\n

Please forgive me a bit while I rail
\n\u2019Bout this nasty new veggie called kale.
\nBut I cook mine in oil,
\nSo it takes much less toil
\nTo scrape from the pan to the pail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley: <\/p>\n

A towel may hang on a rail.
\nA picture may hang on a nail.
\nWhen you’re in your car
\nDriving home from the bar,
\nA police car may hang on your tail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

On a windy day, out for a sail,
\nThe Donald fell over the rail.
\nWell, the sharks came to sniff,
\nBut they all took one whiff
\nAnd then fled from this foul-smelling whale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Craig Dykstra: <\/p>\n

\nHe got caught making love with a male
\nAnd got run out of town on a rail.
\nTheir affair was taboo,
\nBut what else can you do
\nWhen in love with a poodle named Dale?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Dvorak: <\/p>\n

They don’t do “it” while traveling by rail,
\nNor on airplanes, nor under a sail.
\nSays the woman, with woe,
\n“In and out? To and fro?
\nProper motion gets lost in the male.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton: <\/p>\n

Donald Trump likes to rant and to rail
\n\u2019Bout UrAsia\u2019s uranium sale,
\nBut it\u2019s simply bad acting
\nIn hopes of distracting
\nHis base with another tall tale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Allow me a moment to rail:
\nDoritos is way off the trail.
\nLaunching quieter chips<\/a>
\nFor the ladies’ sweet lips
\nIs a sexist, predictable fail.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nancy Stanley: <\/p>\n

Yes, we\u2019re all getting used to the tale:
\nThe Prez thinks he\u2019s SO \u2018Alpha Male.\u2019
\nBut from his tweeting fingers,
\nThere\u2019s no doubt that lingers;
\nHis crazy train\u2019s gonna derail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

\nWhen hiking, we know of a trail
\nSo steep, they provided a rail.
\nIt\u2019s handy and nice;
\nSuch a thoughtful device,
\nIf you hate sliding down on your tail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WINTER OLYMPICS LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp: <\/p>\n

\nThe officials won\u2019t cut any slack;
\nIf you cheat, you\u2019ll be catching some flack.
\nYou\u2019re a dope if you dope
\nAnd you haven\u2019t a hope.
\nAnd your medal? Well, nope, give it back!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Scott Crowder: <\/p>\n

\nThe skaters will glide on the ice,
\nRoutines well-rehearsed and precise,
\nAnd we shall embrace,
\nAll the beauty and grace.
\nYet, ev’ry four years will suffice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Here’s a Winter O. sports list for me:
\nDrinking contests — hot chocolate and tea;
\nCarpool driving in hail;
\nDash through snow for the mail;
\nPairs of socks worn at once (I’ve scored three!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

The Olympic to-do won\u2019t abate;
\nTo the hype, though, I just can\u2019t relate.
\nThey can luge, sled and ski,
\nBut it means naught to me.
\nWhen it comes on the telly, I skate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley’s Slopestyle: <\/p>\n

Your snowboard must glide down a rail
\nAnd then over a cliff-edge you sail.
\nWith your mitt you must grip
\nYour board’s edge; spin and flip,
\nNeatly land without fail, then exhale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

Last winter and how it was spent:
\nThe snow always came \u2013 never went.
\nOur shovels we\u2019d fill,
\nBut the driveway was still
\nA downhill Olympic event.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I\u2019m skinny, a virtual rail, And I tip one-fifteen on the scale. People say, \u201cYou should eat! Try some wholesome white […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[3115,4003,2690,4465,4525,3523,5009,5018,3621,5103,2223,5052,3369,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-40071","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-bob-dvorak","tag-brian-allgar","tag-craig-dykstra","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-reddekopp","tag-fred-bortz","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-mike-moulton","tag-nancy-stanley","tag-scott-crowder","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-sue-dulley","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40071"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40108,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40071\/revisions\/40108"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}