{"id":40036,"date":"2018-02-03T22:43:03","date_gmt":"2018-02-04T02:43:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40036"},"modified":"2018-02-03T22:48:58","modified_gmt":"2018-02-04T02:48:58","slug":"limerick-off-award-291","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/02\/03\/limerick-off-award-291\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (291)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

If I thought I might want to expend
\nTons of cash on a porn star, I\u2019d fend
\nOff that notion tout de suite.
\nBy my wife I\u2019d get beat,
\nAnd on Twitter I\u2019d doubtlessly trend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Impatience-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

You buttonhole me in the queue
\nAnd boast of the wonders of you —
\nBut frankly, my dear,
\nI’m in no mood to hear,
\nFor I’m dying to go to the loo.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Sharon Neeman, Gary Henderson, David Reddekopp<\/a>, Michael Moulton,<\/a> Kirk Miller, Perry Plouff, Brian Allgar, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PENNED” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He told her he had to expend
\nSome \u201cquality time\u201d with a friend.
\nHer answer was snide:
\n\u201cWere you staying inside,
\nThen falling asleep in the end?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s a writer,\u201d you say of your\u2026 \u201cfriend\u201d \u2014
\nBut what has he actually penned?
\nYou clothe him and feed him
\nAnd think that you need him.
\nHe\u2019s mooching! Wise up! Make it end!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gary Henderson: <\/p>\n

The Donald asked Stormy to bend,
\nAnd to lift up her ample rear end.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll be happy to try,\u201d
\nShe said with a sigh,
\n\u201cOnce you take off that yellow Depend.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp: <\/p>\n

So now that I\u2019m older, I tend
\nTo lose my shit, out my rear end.
\nAnd since there\u2019s a chance
\nThat I\u2019ll poop in my pants,
\nThat means on Depends I depend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

Donald Trump, from the tweets that you’ve penned,
\nIt is clear you think Putin’s our friend.
\nWhen he hacked our election,
\nHe got an erection,
\nAnd we all get screwed in the end.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Read a book Chubby Checker had penned,
\nRecommended to me by a friend.
\nIt\u2019s a mystery, so
\nI suppose you should know
\nThat the book has a twist at the end.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Perry Plouff:<\/p>\n

And so now I\u2019m obliged to defend
\nAll the poems I never have penned.
\nI can\u2019t think of a rhyme
\nFor the rhyme word this time,
\nSo my rhyming is now at an end.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (IMPATIENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

This tailgater thought he could say:
\n\u201cHey buddy, get outta my way!\u201d
\nMy foot disagreed;
\nAn appropriate speed
\nIs causing him further delay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The voters impatiently wait
\nFor their country again to be great.
\nBut despite what Trump said,
\nIt\u2019s a shithole instead \u2013
\nIf you vote for shit, shit is your fate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp: <\/p>\n

They\u2019re taking their time, and I worry
\nWhose favor do I have to curry?
\nI would hate to be late
\nFor my date \u2013 I can\u2019t wait!
\nO God, grant me patience, but hurry!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

For the mafia doc things are bleak,
\nAnd he\u2019s now in a high state of pique.
\nIt\u2019s the local D.A.\u2019s
\nThat have caused this malaise:
\nThey\u2019ve been trying his patients all week.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\u201cGet going!\u201d he yells at the cars;
\n\u201cWhat\u2019s taking so long?\u201d in the bars.
\nIf the future were here,
\nHe\u2019d probably sneer:
\n\u201cToo slow!\u201d on a shuttle to Mars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: If I thought I might want to expend Tons of cash on a porn star, I\u2019d fend Off that notion tout […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,4487,3284,5009,5018,3621,4699,5052,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40036"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40036"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40036\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40067,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40036\/revisions\/40067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}