{"id":40005,"date":"2018-01-21T01:50:15","date_gmt":"2018-01-21T05:50:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=40005"},"modified":"2018-01-21T15:41:25","modified_gmt":"2018-01-21T19:41:25","slug":"limerick-off-award-290","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/01\/21\/limerick-off-award-290\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (290) (UPDATED)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

A fellow was trying to steal
\nA kiss (and much more) from Lucille.
\nThough he coaxed and cajoled,
\nIt just didn\u2019t take hold.
\nIn his spiel she found little appeal.<\/p>\n

Well, he\u2019s only sixteen. My own line
\nAt that age wasn\u2019t polished or fine.
\nI remember the urge
\nWhen those hormones would surge\u2026
\nSTAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, YOU SWINE!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special TEEN-Themed Limerick Award for this 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

Roy Moore has a craving for teens;
\nOh, the charm of those tight little jeans
\nOn the sweetly pubescent!
\nHe\u2019s always tumescent,
\nAnd getting his under-age greens.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been libelled by sick magazines,\u201d
\nHe insists. \u201cSo I go for fourteens?
\n\u2018Let the little kids cum\u2019,
\nJesus said. I ain\u2019t dumb \u2013
\nThat\u2019s what true Christianity means.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Sharon Neeman, Steve Whitred,<\/a> Konrad Schwoerke, Fred Bortz,<\/a> and David Reddekopp.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STEAL\/STEEL” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A welder who lived in Mobile,
\nWas known for his fingers of steel.
\nWhen lovers were bruised
\nFrom his fondles, he mused:
\n\u201cI\u2019m sorry, that\u2019s just how I feel.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

If I were a robot of steel,
\nI wouldn’t eat chicken or veal.
\nPlugged in for an hour,
\nI’d rest and re-power.
\nElectrons: the true vegan meal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred: <\/p>\n

A dossier authored by Steele
\nCould confirm that collusion was real
\nBut the part on page three
\nWhere those women go wee
\nMade the FSB laugh in a peal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

Take a hair, and at most, I might squeal,
\nBut a kidney\u2019s a much bigger deal.
\nThough a lung is too dear,
\nI will lend you an ear,
\nAnd my heart you are welcome to steal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TEEN LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

\u201cDear parents,\u201d advises the sage,
\n\u201cYou know that your teens will engage
\nIn actions erotic.
\nJust don\u2019t be despotic.
\nRemember you once were their age.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp: <\/p>\n

To be sixteen again! I\u2019ll explain
\nWhy a wish of that sort is in vain:
\nI would spend ev’ry week
\nOf my sexual peak
\nWith my gland in my hand, once again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

In this foul wintry storm that I dread,
\nAs I work with sick joints and sore head,
\nI recall: in my teens,
\nWhen I woke to such scenes,
\nI\u2019d feign fever and go back to bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this 2-verse limerick: A fellow was trying to steal A kiss (and much more) from Lucille. Though he coaxed and cajoled, It just didn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,3523,2538,5009,5018,5052,3342,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40005"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40005"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40005\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40032,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40005\/revisions\/40032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}