{"id":39948,"date":"2018-01-06T23:15:42","date_gmt":"2018-01-07T03:15:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39948"},"modified":"2018-01-06T23:26:16","modified_gmt":"2018-01-07T03:26:16","slug":"limerick-off-award-289","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2018\/01\/06\/limerick-off-award-289\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (289)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

If you’ve heard this before, just say “Stop!” —
\nHow my auntie once bested a cop:
\nHe spotted Aunt Esther
\nAnd said he’d arrest her.
\n“What for? That’s just tools from my shop.”<\/p>\n

“Those crowbars? I’ll give you a fine.”
\n“Then I’ll say that you raped me, you swine!”
\n“I did not! That’s not fair!”
\n“Well, your… tool… is right there,
\nJust the same as you said about mine.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP,<\/a> who wins the Special CELEBRATION-Themed Limerick Award for this 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

I decided that I\u2019d take a chance;
\nIn an effort to try to enhance
\nThe amount of good cheer
\nTo ring in the new year,
\nI put mistletoe into my pants.<\/p>\n

Though my actions were bold and quite brash,
\nNo one noticed or batted a lash.
\nI had little to show
\nFrom that damn mistletoe;
\nJust a rather embarrassing rash.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Kirk Miller, David Reddekopp,<\/a> Suzanne Heymann, Michael Moulton,<\/a> Sharon Neeman, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FINE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nA woman would strictly define
\nAll her beaus by their phallic design.
\nIf the size of their stuff
\nWasn\u2019t quite up to snuff,
\n\u201cWhere\u2019s the beef?\u201d was her withering line.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go down to my cellar.\u201d \u201cDivine,\u201d
\nSaid the bimbo. \u201cI love tasting wine,
\nBut there\u2019s one tricky bit \u2013
\nShould I swallow or spit?\u201d
\n\u201cFor this tasting,\u201d he said, \u201cboth are fine.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: (who sends his apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary.<\/a>)<\/p>\n

A racehorse named Stewball drank wine.
\nHe was thirty-to-one on the line.
\nI’m a jailbird today,
\n\u2019Cause I bet on the bay–
\nThirty days, since I can’t pay the fine.<\/p>\n

I’m confined to a cell that’s quite narrow,
\nWhere I’m chilled all the way to my marrow.
\nI’d be free as a bird
\nHad I heeded the word
\nOf Travers and Stookey and Yarrow.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Every limerick isn\u2019t complete
\n\u2019Til its rhythm conforms to a beat,
\nSo that every line
\nHas a cadence that\u2019s fine.
\nAll the writers must think on their feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

\nFor all of my life, I will pine
\nFor a girl with a body that\u2019s fine
\nAnd some junk in her trunk;
\nI like girls who have spunk \u2013
\nBut of course, I prefer that it\u2019s mine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Donald’s brain is a bit of a mystery.
\nIt’s unbalanced, bizarre, bleak and blistery.
\nSo, preserve it in brine
\nAs a way to confine
\nThe most backward bloodline in our history.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

\nA woman thought things would be fine,
\nIf she just plucked one fruit from a vine,
\nBut when biting in haste,
\nA worm was displaced
\nWho said, \u201cHey sweetheart, this one is mine.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CELEBRATION LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

For Jews, celebrations are sweet,
\nWith a theme that will leave us replete:
\n“Though our enemies tried
\nTo commit genocide,
\nYet they failed; we prevailed. Now let’s eat!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Celebrations are called for today!
\nThough I\u2019m ill every year, let me say
\nThrough my coughing and sneezing
\nAnd choking and wheezing,
\nFucking Christmas is one year away!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The naturist party was planned,
\nIncluding a hot, local band.
\nEngaging and loud,
\nThey were dressed like the crowd;
\nSo dancers would know where they stand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\nWe will celebrate soon \u2015 this is true \u2015
\nThirty years since we both said \u201cI do.\u201d
\nWhat\u2019s the secret? I say:
\nJust be kind ev\u2019ry day.
\n(Giving choc’late works really well too.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\nAt a New Year\u2019s Eve party, her glance
\nWas the start of their torrid romance.
\nObsessed through and through,
\nThey would happily screw
\nOn a surfboard, if given the chance.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this 2-verse limerick: If you’ve heard this before, just say “Stop!” — How my auntie once bested a cop: He spotted Aunt Esther And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,3523,3284,5009,5018,3621,5052,4533,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39948"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39948"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39948\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39987,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39948\/revisions\/39987"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}