{"id":39741,"date":"2017-11-11T23:08:37","date_gmt":"2017-11-12T03:08:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39741"},"modified":"2017-11-11T23:24:42","modified_gmt":"2017-11-12T03:24:42","slug":"limerick-off-award-285","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/11\/11\/limerick-off-award-285\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (285)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The lascivious, lewd, lazy lord
\nHad a harem, one hell of a horde.
\nLots of sex (his sole goal)
\nStopped his heart, took its toll,
\nAs too many a hole was explored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED,<\/a> who wins the Special CHAOS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

With Max on the case we all knew
\nThat the phone ringing came from his shoe,
\nThat he\u2019d miss \u2018by that much\u2019
\nBut come through in the clutch,
\nAnd that KAOS would always ensue.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER,<\/a> who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

“Please tell me, of those who’ve been whored,
\nWhich sluts might a beggar afford
\nFor a sexual tryst?”
\nHe gave me a list
\nWith the name of your mom underscored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER<\/a> and BRIAN ALLGAR, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

The Devil, no less than the Lord,
\nIs looking for souls he can hoard.
\nI’ve heard both their pitches
\nBut still don’t know which is
\nThe team I’ll be hopping aboard.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (The Devil replies)<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve had a good time, if you\u2019ve whored,
\nIf when sinning, your spirits have soared,
\nThen you\u2019re welcome. If not,
\nMaybe Heaven\u2019s your spot,
\nBut I warn you \u2013 you\u2019re gonna be bored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

All my life I have partied and whored
\nSince the day my umbilical cord
\nWas snipped, till the day
\nI could no longer pay,
\nSo my virtue was sadly restored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, David Reddekopp<\/a>, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Robert Schechter,<\/a> Suzanne Heymann, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cHOARD, HORDE, or WHORED\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CHAOS LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve searched through my limerick hoard
\nFor a piece about \u201cchaos\u201d. I\u2019m floored!
\nI know there must be one,
\nSo why can\u2019t I see one?
\nMy files are chaotically stored!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Disorder she’d always abhorred;
\nWhen the hurricane came, she was floored!
\nHer possessions were scattered
\nAnd ruined and shattered.
\n“Just take me now, Lord!” she implored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“HOARD, HORDE, or WHORED” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

There once was a woman, quite bored.
\nShe went out on the street and she whored.
\nBut she wasn\u2019t a looker,
\nAnd no one would book her;
\nHer night as a hooker: ignored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

My nose started bleeding – good lord!
\nIt’s blood I can little afford.
\nFrom nostrils it issues –
\nNow where are my tissues?
\nThey’ve hidden themselves in my hoard.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

On display, an unusual hoard
\nOf artifacts nicely restored.
\nErotic in style,
\nThey remind with a smile
\nHow debauchery scored with the bored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

With the whole Red Light District explored,
\nWhere each one of the horde had been whored,
\nThe warriors returned
\nTo their base where they learned
\nAbout STD treatments ignored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

A group of Norwegians, a horde,
\nOnce offered a prayer to the Lord:
\n“Before our life ends,
\nWon\u2019t you send us a Benz
\nInstead of a broken-down Fjord?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CHAOS LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\u201cChaotic\u201d can only describe
\nA trip with the family tribe.
\nFrom \u201cGotta go potty!\u201d
\nTo \u201cSTOP BEING NAUGHTY!\u201d
\n3:30? It\u2019s time to imbibe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

On my lap, my cute Shih Tzu had pooed.
\nI freaked out and then chaos ensued.
\nIt was much worse a sin
\nThan just stuck to my skin;
\nThat’s because I had been in the nude!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

The supplies were delivered today,
\nAnd the work starts tomorrow, they say;
\nNow I can’t close my door —
\nNo, nor walk on the floor —
\nFor the boxes of tiles in the way.<\/p>\n

I’ve just had the nastiest fall
\nOn the sink that is blocking my hall;
\nThere’s a tap in my hat,
\nAnd I can’t find the cat,
\nAnd there’s no room to sleep here at all.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James for his “Acrostic” Limerick:<\/p>\n

P<\/strong>ay heed to what\u2019s up in D.C.:
\nU<\/strong>tter chaos \u2019round hookers who pee.
\nT<\/strong>here\u2019s just one man who scores
\nI<\/strong>n this tale of the whores.
\nN<\/strong>ow look left, and you\u2019ll see who\u2019s the key.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

On climate change, Trump wants to ban it.
\nThe ember of chaos – he’ll fan it.
\nHe refuses to listen
\nTo facts that he’s missin’
\nWith actions dismissin’ the planet.<\/p>\n

The scientists have all the proof.
\nAll their work done got scrapped by him – Poof!
\nHe believes there is worth
\nIn destroying the earth.
\nHow’d his momma give birth to that goof?!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The lascivious, lewd, lazy lord Had a harem, one hell of a horde. Lots of sex (his sole goal) Stopped his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,3523,5009,5018,2537,5052,3342,3369,4533,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-39741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-david-reddekopp","tag-fred-bortz","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-robert-schechter","tag-sharon-neeman","tag-steve-whitred","tag-sue-dulley","tag-suzanne-heymann","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39741"}],"version-history":[{"count":45,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39741\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39799,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39741\/revisions\/39799"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}