{"id":39696,"date":"2017-10-29T00:04:08","date_gmt":"2017-10-29T04:04:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39696"},"modified":"2017-10-29T00:25:05","modified_gmt":"2017-10-29T04:25:05","slug":"limerick-off-award-284","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/10\/29\/limerick-off-award-284\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (284)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My two titties were built like a tank.
\nI had dear Mother Nature to thank.
\nBut I’m way past my prime
\nAnd can thank Father Time
\nFor the ultimate crime – they both sank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Special Vegetable-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Did you hear about Ruthie Ann Rickles?
\nShe used cukes for her intimate tickles,
\n\u2019Til poor Ruthie (all heedless
\nOf sticking to seedless)
\nGave birth to a jarful of pickles.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SUE DULLEY, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

One veggie that I love to hate: (oh,
\nApart from the cherry tomato) –
\nMore bland than wax beans
\nAnd less tasty than greens,
\nIs the boring-as-hell mashed potato.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Marty Gerendasy, Daniel Ari<\/a>, Randolph Wagner, Sue Dulley, Steve Whitred,<\/a> Suzanne Heymann, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp,<\/a> and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTANK\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO VEGETABLE LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

“Your Honor,” said bank robber Reggie,
\n“My wife said we had to go veggie.
\nShe threw out my steaks
\nAnd fed me kale shakes,
\nWhich I guess made me feel kind of edgy.<\/p>\n

Then she took all my cash and my plastic,
\nSo I had to go do something drastic.
\nI **did** rob that bank —
\nJust so I could tank
\nUp on roast beef — and it was fantastic!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TANK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Said the hooker to Trump: \u201cI\u2019ll be frank;
\nThough you claim that you\u2019re built like a tank,
\nIt\u2019s a tank with a belly
\nThat shakes like a jelly,
\nAnd a weapon whose charges are blank.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve the Second Amendment to thank
\nFor keeping me safe,\u201d hollered Hank.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s my right to bear arms,
\nSo who cares who it harms?\u201d
\nThen he drove off to church\u2026 in his tank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy:<\/p>\n

After spending the night with a skank,
\nHe awoke with the drunks in the tank.
\nBlinked his eyes, said “Oh dear,
\nWhat am I doing here?
\nGuess it must have been something I drank!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daniel Ari:<\/p>\n

A robber fresh out of the tank
\nWalked into First National Bank.
\n\u201cWe\u2019ve met,\u201d said the greeter.
\nThe con pulled his heater
\nAnd said, \u201cI\u2019m not drawing a blank.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

A conceited new sergeant named Hank
\nTook a selfie while driving his tank.
\nPride precedeth a fall —
\nHe steered into a wall…
\nThirty days and demotion in rank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randolph Wagner:<\/p>\n

A saucy pert lass, when alerted
\nTo breezes blown nippingly, flirted.
\nHer bearing was frank
\nAs she donned a sheer tank:
\nIt was pointedly quite extroverted.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

I tried to put gas in my tank
\nBut the screen showed no numbers, just blank.
\nThen my credit card stuck
\n\u2019Til a tourist (such luck!)
\nPulled it out – all it took was a Yank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

Once again in the hoosegow or tank.
\nHow I got here is somewhat a blank.
\nBut I know that in part
\nI blame Ren\u00e9 Descartes;
\nI am and so therefor I drank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley, for her “Atheist’s Lament”<\/p>\n

I’ve plenty of gas in the tank
\nOf my car, and some cash in the bank;
\nSome fabric for stitchin’,
\nAnd food in the kitchen
\nBut no idea whom I should thank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (VEGETABLE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cI am sick of my vegetable diet,\u201d
\nThe bimbo complained. \u201cI don\u2019t buy it –
\nIt\u2019s protein I need!\u201d
\nAnd her doctor agreed:
\n\u201cJust blow me, and I can supply it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Why can\u2019t vegetables taste more like candy?
\nWhy, that sure would be dandy and handy!
\nIf I pull a few strings,
\nLet us see what that brings \u2013
\nI\u2019ll just cook the damn things in some brandy!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Organic is better, they say;
\nFor some, there is no other way.
\nStill, others resist,
\nIt\u2019s not on their list;
\nThey really don\u2019t care what you spray.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred, who says: “Don’t ask how I know.”<\/p>\n

With cucumber coitus take care.
\nFresh corn cobs and carrots forswear.
\nThose little zucchinis
\nResembling weenies
\nOr peppers; don’t put ’em up there!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

There once was a man from Beirut
\nWho was paralyzed, deaf, and a mute.
\nHe was also quite gay,
\nSo the bigots would say
\n\u201cHe\u2019s a vegetable, and he\u2019s a fruit.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Stephen Whitred:<\/p>\n

This rumor is true folks, I swear it:
\nA brand new Vegas line, let me share it.
\nYou can gamble on who
\nHas the higher IQ.
\nIs it Tillerson (Rex) or a carrot?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

My new diet\u2019s all veggies. I make
\nThe best seaweed and pressed tofu cake.
\nIt\u2019s quite easy to do it:
\nYou have to \u2026 oh, screw it!
\nWon\u2019t someone please make me a steak?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: My two titties were built like a tank. I had dear Mother Nature to thank. But I’m way past my prime […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[84,3270,1192,1983,42],"tags":[4003,3023,4465,4525,5009,5018,4658,4763,5052,3342,3369,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39696"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39696"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39696\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39740,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39696\/revisions\/39740"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39696"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39696"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39696"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}