{"id":39612,"date":"2017-09-30T21:27:16","date_gmt":"2017-10-01T01:27:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39612"},"modified":"2017-09-30T21:37:09","modified_gmt":"2017-10-01T01:37:09","slug":"limerick-off-award-282","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/09\/30\/limerick-off-award-282\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (282)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a><\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny REST-rhyme limerick:<\/p>\n

I decided I needed a rest
\nFrom that evil fake-President pest,
\nSo I tried to compose
\nA sweet Ode to a Rose,
\nBut my keyboard is Donald-obsessed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special GUILT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick, which one might argue is also a REST-rhyme limerick.<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

“Are you sure it’s OK? I’m so stressed,”
\nMurmured Tom as they kissed and caressed.
\n“Don’t feel guilty,” said James;
\n“Mad likes homophone games —
\nSo come here, dear; let’s show her our best!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar, Kirk Miller, Byron Miller a\/k\/a Errol Nimbly, Dean Geier, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Steve Benko, Bruce Niedt,<\/a> Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Jane Shelton Hoffman, Steve Whitred,<\/a> and Fred Bortz.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cREST\/WREST\/ARREST\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GUILT LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Hugh Hefner is lying at rest;
\nTo his legacy I can attest.
\nA lascivious smile
\nEmbodied the style
\nWhere pleasure, when guilty, is best.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The Donald is under arrest!
\n\u201cI am guilty as charged,\u201d he confessed.
\nNow he\u2019s rotting in jail
\nSewing bags for the mail \u2026
\nThen I woke from my dream, quite depressed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“REST\/WREST\/ARREST” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

At the chance for a nap I am leaping;
\nInto dreamland I soon will be creeping.
\nAs my friends will attest,
\nI get plenty of rest.
\nI just never get tired of sleeping.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller\/aka Errol Nimbly:<\/p>\n

When he puts his binocs to the test,
\nMr. Thomas can peep with the best.
\nWhile concealing his boners,
\nThis deviant loner\u2019s
\nAdept at evading arrest.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dean Geier (whose limerick also falls into the “flattery gets you everywhere” category: <\/p>\n

From lim’ricks we’ve taken a rest,
\nBut now with a fresh lively zest
\nWe welcome you back.
\nLet us get back on track!
\nMad Kane, you are simply THE BEST!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Said the cat to the writer hard-pressed:
\n“Who works harder? I have the best test:
\nI keep chasing my mouse
\nAll around the damn house,
\nWhile yours stays on its pad, safe at rest.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cTen commandments on stone! What a pain!
\nMy back is on fire again!
\nThough thy name shall be blest,
\nCould you give me a rest?\u201d
\n\u201cShut the fuck up! THOU SHALT NOT COMPLAIN!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Miss Temple\u2019s films weren\u2019t the best,
\nThough she said they outranked all the rest.
\n\u201cThey were fun, sweet and warm,
\nAnd the art\u2019s highest form!\u201d
\nSo I said to her, \u201cShirley, you jest.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Benko:<\/p>\n

Said the sheriff, \u201cYou\u2019re under arrest,
\nFor I\u2019m free at the Donald\u2019s behest.
\nWe\u2019re Knights of the Grail
\nPutting wetbacks in jail
\nAnd we won\u2019t be deterred in our quest.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bruce Niedt: <\/p>\n

The anchor’s a little distressed \u2013
\nShe wants to stand out from the rest.
\nShe’ll go under the knife
\nTo be larger than life \u2013
\nWith the news she will keep us abreast!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GUILT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Oh, Macbeth! Don\u2019t you feel any guilt
\nAt the ocean of blood you have spilt?
\nSaid Macbeth, \u201cI do not.
\nFor you see, I\u2019m a Scot,
\nAnd in Scotland it\u2019s kill or be kilt.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Shelton Hoffman:<\/p>\n

Early home, I surprised husband Milt.
\nI could tell right away he felt guilt.
\nFor although he sure tried,
\nHe just couldn\u2019t hide
\nThat curvaceous lump under the quilt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

When the judge stroked his dick out of view
\nFrom the lawyers, it steadily grew.
\nThe judge stroked with fury.
\n\u201cNot guilty,\u201d said jury.
\nThe defendant got off; the judge, too.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Trump\u2019s gold-lust can never be sated;
\nJust touching it makes him elated.
\nEvery loo he\u2019s had built
\nIs the proof of his gilt,
\nAnd even his shit is gold-plated.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

Drinking cocoa and petting the cat,
\nHearing Bach and crocheting a hat,
\nWhen it’s rainy and chill
\nAnd the boss thinks you’re ill —
\nWhat a great guilty pleasure is that!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Whitred:<\/p>\n

Some people are weak, some are good
\nSome do chores in the order they should
\nSome give in to the yen
\nTo put paper to pen
\nWhen they ought to be bucking up wood.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

In the sporran’s where he hid the loot,
\nA goblet, gold plated–a beaut!
\nBut his kilt came unsealed
\nAnd his guilt was revealed.
\nOr was it his gilt? (The point’s moot.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Their overnight fling ran its course;
\nHow it ended, she wouldn\u2019t endorse.
\nAwoken alone
\nBy a text on her phone:
\n\u201cI\u2019m guilty of boner\u2019s remorse.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny REST-rhyme limerick: I decided I needed a rest From that evil fake-President pest, So I tried to compose A sweet Ode to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,2374,2578,4465,3645,3523,2281,3284,5009,5018,5052,5080,3342,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39612"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39612"}],"version-history":[{"count":32,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39612\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39652,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39612\/revisions\/39652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}