{"id":39529,"date":"2017-09-16T22:16:12","date_gmt":"2017-09-17T02:16:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39529"},"modified":"2017-09-16T23:13:29","modified_gmt":"2017-09-17T03:13:29","slug":"limerick-off-award-281","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/09\/16\/limerick-off-award-281\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (281)"},"content":{"rendered":"

At long last (after a lengthy wrist surgery-related hiatus) it’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to MARTY GERENDASY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

It used to be great fun to fly,
\nSoaring thousands of feet in the sky.
\nBut now flying’s a pain,
\nSo I’ll get there by train.
\nYou can say I’m a well-grounded guy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to JEANINE E. SILVERIO, who wins the Special GARDEN-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In his hut next to Chatterley’s garden,
\nLady C made her lover’s cock harden.
\nFlowers twined round his shaft,
\nIn he thrust – fore and aft
\n(Which was painful until they put lard in.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special DOCTOR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A hospital patient named Phil
\nThought he\u2019d give the new intern a thrill.
\nHe hoisted his gown,
\nAnd she said with a frown:
\n\u201cThat poor little guy caught a chill.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SUMMER-FUN-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Where to go on vacation? I choose
\nTo go off on a long ocean cruise.
\nWith the news from D.C.,
\nIt\u2019s important to me
\nTo have access to plenty of booze.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special CAFFEINE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A guy paid for hookers and blow
\n\u2019Cause he craved stimulation. And so,
\nHis heart was so stressed
\nIt blew up in his chest.
\nUse caffeine. It\u2019s the safe way to go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Dave Johnson, Marty Gerendasy, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Tim James, Kirk Miller, Suzanne Heymann, and David Reddekopp.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTRAIN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GARDENING LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

\u201cThey eat all my plants,\u201d my wife wails,
\nAnd leave horrible slithery trails!\u201d
\nThough the bindweed\u2019s a pain,
\nI am hoping to train
\nIt to strangle those pestilent snails.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTRAIN\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DOCTOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Oh, how I do wish I could train
\nMy MD to be kind and not vain!
\nWhy is it that vets
\nWho look after our pets
\nAre gentler and far more humane?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: SUMMER FUN LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DOCTOR LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Young lovers were taking a chance
\nIn the woods for some outdoor romance.
\nThe location they chose
\nFor doffing their clothes
\nHad lots of green three-leafy plants.<\/p>\n

The result was a terrible mess;
\nA dilemma they had to confess.
\nPoison Oak left its traces
\nIn various places
\nPhysicians would have to address.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TRAIN” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

In a formal, she thought she could “pass”
\nAnd convince her new date she had class —
\nBut it all proved in vain
\nWhen she tripped on her train,
\nTore her skirt, and revealed her sad ass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Refusing to fly in a plane,
\nThey boarded a cross-country train.
\nAs it rolled through the states,
\nThey had meals on real plates
\nAnd arrived both refreshed and still sane.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

He discovered it\u2019s wise to abstain
\nFrom blowjobs while flying a plane;
\nWhen turbulence hit,
\nHe was violently bit.
\nThe ex-pilot\u2019s now driving a train.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

Makes no difference how hard I might train,
\nMy old dog won’t go out in the rain.
\nShe’ll start out and then stop
\nWhen she sees that first drop.
\nWhich explains why the rug has a stain.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Pelosi and Schumer will train
\nTheir sights on a deal to remain
\nIn the loop and survive;
\nAs they manage to drive
\nMcConnell and Ryan insane.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GARDENING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Judith H. Block:<\/p>\n

A rake who could make women glow
\nTook up gardening, started to sow,
\nAnd was rather amused
\nThat his friend was confused
\nWhen he said that he wanted a hoe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s gardening tip Number One:
\nMake sure all the implements run.
\nIf your tiller goes down,
\nDon\u2019t grumble and frown;
\nA go with a hoe might be fun.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

He dons a large hat and his jeans,
\nThen heads out to attend to his greens.
\nBut his veggies all die
\nAnd it\u2019s obvious why:
\nAbout gard\u2019ning he doesn\u2019t know beans.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been hoeing the garden,\u201d said Kirk.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s important that I never shirk
\nThis foundational task.\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s important?\u201d you ask.
\n\u201cWell of course, it is groundbreaking work.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

A garden enthusiast, Fred,
\nDismembered his wife in the shed
\nWith a circular saw,
\nThen his mother-in-law,
\nAnd planted them both in the bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOCTOR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

You’re hoping the surgeon you’re stuck with
\nIs someone you won’t need to muck with.
\nIf the doc leaves you worse’n
\nYou thought, and you’re cursin’,
\nHe picked the wrong person to fuck with!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

My doctor is sadly now late;
\nThe booze and the cigs sealed his fate.
\nOh, what was he thinking,
\nThe smoking and drinking?
\nHe\u2019d only just turned ninety-eight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson’s “Scenes from a medical convention:”<\/p>\n

Podiatrists rise to their feet;
\nCardiologists won\u2019t skip a beat.
\nA surgeon explains
\nHis practice takes brains;
\nProctologists grab a rear seat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

Trump\u2019s cabinet takes his directions.
\nHis party? It makes no objections.
\nBut what\u2019s really a laugh
\nIs the doctors on staff
\nOnly know how to doctor elections.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

When Donald Trump\u2019s angry and bitter,
\nHis answer is whining on Twitter.
\nSome doctors would say
\n\u201cHe\u2019s just wired that way…\u201d
\nI\u2019d say he requires a sitter.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Said the doctor to Madeleine Kane:
\n\u201cFits of anger you need to restrain.
\nIt\u2019s a pain in the rump
\nWatching Fox fluffing Trump.
\nPunch your screen, though? Next time, please refrain.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

To a crummy old clinic she\u2019d come.
\nSaid the doctor: \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong? You look glum.\u201d
\nBut the last word was missed
\nWhen she said, \u201cMy bum wrist.\u201d
\nAnd the doctor then checked out her bum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SUMMER FUN LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A beach in the summer can be
\nOne place to feel totally free.
\nBut some show their wrongs
\nIn Speedos and thongs;
\nWe try, but just cannot unsee.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At long last (after a lengthy wrist surgery-related hiatus) it’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARTY GERENDASY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: It used to be great fun to fly, Soaring thousands of feet […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,4764,3570,3284,5009,5018,4658,5052,4533,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39529"}],"version-history":[{"count":39,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39609,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529\/revisions\/39609"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39529"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39529"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}