{"id":39396,"date":"2017-05-13T22:33:30","date_gmt":"2017-05-14T02:33:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39396"},"modified":"2017-05-13T22:41:08","modified_gmt":"2017-05-14T02:41:08","slug":"limerick-off-award-277","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/05\/13\/limerick-off-award-277\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (277)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A sly shopkeep, a baker by trade,
\nHad a helper, a doughy young maid.
\nOn his bread-making bench,
\nHe defloured the wench,
\n\u201cI was kneading,\u201d he said, \u201cto get laid.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special Intelligence-Themed Limerick Award for this clever, multi-versed limerick:<\/p>\n

As Presidents go, I’m so smart.
\nMy brain power sets me apart.
\nIt’s true that my thinkin’s
\nMore bigly than Lincoln’s.
\nI belong at the top of the chart.<\/p>\n

Fake media call me bombastic.
\nThey’re wrong, folks. You know I’m fantastic.
\nSo let’s have some fun.
\nI’ll call up Kim Jung Un.
\nI’ll threaten to do something drastic.<\/p>\n

I’m the best when it comes to deflection
\nAway from that Russian connection.
\nThough it’s not really bad
\nTo be palling with Vlad,
\nI’ll give them that old misdirection.<\/p>\n

My intelligence keeps me ahead.
\nKeep ’em guessing. Make sure they’re misled.
\nEvery day, a new story.
\nThat’s Trump’s shining glory.
\nNow who can I quote that is dead?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Konrad Schwoerke, Sue Dulley, and Jesse Levy.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cMADE\/MAID\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO INTELLIGENCE LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

The Intelligence chiefs were dismayed;
\nThe Commander was planning a raid.
\n\u201cWhere\u2019s Korea?\u201d he mumbled,
\nThen cursed as he fumbled \u2013
\n\u201cMy little red button\u2019s mislaid!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MADE\/MAID” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s May Day! I\u2019m off now,\u201d cried Jade,
\n\u201cTo dance and disport in the glade.\u201d
\nSaid her mom, to her sorrow,
\n\u201cNo, May Day\u2019s tomorrow;
\nIt\u2019s April\u201d \u2014 and Jade was dis-Mayed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James<\/p>\n

The bordello he chose was top-grade,
\nThe amenities worth all he paid.
\nThere was wi-fi for free,
\nComfy bed, big TV,
\nAnd free cookies and cake, all ho-made.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

She was known for a role that she played,
\nA whip-cracking, dominant maid
\nWhose hard leather crop
\nWas not merely a prop
\nWhen the time came for her to be paid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

\nI expected a pro, not a maid.
\n\u201cLemme in if you wanna get laid.
\nThis hotel is so snobby
\nMust sneak through the lobby\u2014
\nThat and you are just tricks of the trade.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

\nA tragic mistake some have made
\nIs to enter a parking parkade
\nWith no money or card
\nWhich makes exiting hard –
\nYou’re locked in by the guard ’til you’ve paid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar, for his limerick entitled “An Immaculate Explanation”<\/p>\n

Though pregnant, she tried to persuade
\nHer old husband she\u2019d never been laid.
\nMany people believed
\nThat a virgin conceived,
\nAnd thus a religion was made.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman: <\/p>\n

\u201cStay the night,\u201d said the rake to the maid,
\nAnd, against her best judgment, she stayed.
\n\u201cI won\u2019t touch you,\u201d he said \u2014
\nBut she woke in his bed,
\nNot only dis-maid, but betrayed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INTELLIGENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

There once was a fellow named Art
\nWhose IQ score was way off the chart.
\nAfter months watching Fox
\nSpew its stuff on the box
\nHe\u2019s a house plant \u2014 but not quite as smart.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jesse Levy: <\/p>\n

Does intelligence live in D.C.?
\nWell, no, not according to me.
\nThe Prez is a putz,
\nAnd it’s driving me nuts
\nThat he gets all his “facts” from TV!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A sly shopkeep, a baker by trade, Had a helper, a doughy young maid. On his bread-making bench, He defloured the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,64],"tags":[4003,2578,3523,2434,2538,5009,5018,5052,3369,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39396"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39396"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39423,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39396\/revisions\/39423"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}